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Feh...Mines is bigger than yours!May 26 '00 Write an essay on this topic.So you wanna be a millionaire? Well, okay, maybe you’ve already reached your goal and now you want to spend some big time cash...Hmmm, where to start? Well, you’ve already got the mansion and you’ve bought every single gaming unit ever developed, you’ve bought yourself the uber computer and all you need now is... A vehicle! Ahhh, transportation, the second symbol of wealth for a man next to his home. A mode of transportation, do you want to impress the honeys? Or are you a practical man with pragmatic tendencies? A car, or an SUV? That is the question. What exactly is an SUV? Well, supposedly SUV is short for “Sport Utility Vehicle”. Okay, now what does that mean? It’s got the word sport in there, does that mean you can go speeding around in one of these behemoths? Uh, no, I hate to break it to you, but they’re not designed to go any faster than the legal highway cruising speed, if you do, expect to flip over. Okay, well, an SUV has tons of interior space and can definitely transport a large amount of people or a large amount of utilities in one trip. Most cars have less than half the space of an SUV, so it obviously depends on what you’ll be hauling, in your case, your million dollars. Great, you’ve got it decided! You’ll get an SUV because of its interior roominess, the large amounts of space, and of course, you’ll need all that space for your million dollars and your tons of friends. Well, hold on there bub. You may have won a million dollars, but you’re limited as far as your recyclable funds are concerned. You’re going to end up spending more than you’re making because with gas prices as ridiculously high as it is right now it could cost you anywhere from $30-$60 to fill-up the tank on an SUV. Back to looking at cars, there are some gas-eaters and there are cars with almost as much space as an SUV, right? Of course not! Most cars are car-sized. There’s no need for car manufacturers to super-size their cars, their main market wants a mid-sized sedan or a compact car, anything bigger than a luxury car and you’d have to hire a limo driver. So as far as interior space and cargo room is concerned, you’re out of luck unless you want to get a station wagon. But I want to show off my money! *Whine*. Okay, if you’re not all that hung-up on being practical, and you don’t really need the cargo space to haul stuff around, why not look at a sports car! You can get a very decent sports car with varying degrees of fuel economy [Epinions: Where’s your section for Forced Induction VS. Big Blocks/Engines!?] and you can also get more than one if you really feel like it. Heck, you could get a couple of those Honda S2000's if you wanted a small bumper car, or you could always get a Corvette, but of course, the true sign of wealth is one of those Euro- cars them rappers all seem to be driving these days. You know, Bentley’s, Mercedes Benz's, or you could avoid that urban rapper trap and get a car that none of them sing about, an Aston Martin. Of course, you’ll still end up getting sub-par gasoline economy and it’ll still cost you a pretty penny to insure and maintain those vehicles. Hmmm, more difficult than you thought huh? I guess in the long run, as with anything, it really depends on the person buying the vehicle. If you have a large family and you’re constantly lugging things around, an SUV might be a good buy for you, that is, if you have the income to support it's octane guzzling habits. If you’re a single person without too much money, then looking at an economy car is probably more your speed. You can save with an economy car not just on just the price of the car itself, but also on mileage and insurance. You can look coldly at the statistics, and figure out that cars are small and SUV’s are big, it comes down to the driving habits of the owner of the vehicle. If you’re in such need of space that you need an apartment on wheels, then go for it, just be sure that you use the SUV for what it’s for, a maximum of interior space for minimum effort in transport. This breaks down to: no racing! Of course, since you’re now a millionaire any attempt at doing something using common sense is out the window. So, let’s chuck the pragmatic side of your brain into a meat-grinder and get on with the automobile buying. The ultimate symbol of wealth is a gigantic, enormous vehicle that serves no logical purpose. It shows that you can just toss your cash around without any fear of anyone questioning your practicality because you can afford it. It is therefore my opinion Mr. Doe, that you buy *drum roll*... An SUV! Not just any SUV mind you, the biggest, baddest SUV on the market today, IMHO, the Cadillac Escalade! A 5.7L V8 Vortec engine with a mind-numbing fuel rating of 12 city/16 highway mpg and a whopping 30 gallon fuel tank with a curb weight of roughly 5,600 lbs. Welcome to your new home! [Really, does this car serve ANY discernible purpose other than being HUGE?] For the rest of us struggling artist-types, or just the rest of us struggling types, I would certainly recommend a car over an SUV if you aren’t doing any heavy lifting/hauling/transport. Heck, even if you were, you’d more than likely have a truck, now wouldn’t you? Cars are just more convenient and a lot easier to park, so as far as practicality is concerned, buy a car. Damn, I wish I was a millionaire! Well, till then, have 40 oz. wishes and government cheese dreams!  |
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