Plain Truths Simply Put
Feb 04 '00
Any ad depicting a convertible winding full bore down a country lane, in sunny windless weather, and with no other vehicles around (including the County Mountie's) celebrates the fantasy that all convertible owners cling to: dry pleasant weather on a vacant road where you can open 'er up and get your juices (and, on a good day, the juices of your lovely female/male companion) flowing. Key elements here: lots of horsepower, good handling, and styling to induce envy in onlookers (who apparently are hidden behind bushes and trees, as we see nothing of them...) We know they're there, however; you bought this Chariot of the Gods to impress the heck out of them, didn't you...
Unfortunately, real world conditions too often intrude on this sylvan dream, imposing additional constraints one should be mindful of when shopping for such a vehicle. A few follow:
o Whenever you cruise topless, the interior of your vehicle is exposed to all the dreck and grime floating behind the vehicle(s) ahead of you. Occasionally, this is a Bekins moving van with Pennsylvania plates, last washed in the fifties, belching a heady elixir of petrochemical residues from its tailpipe, and following a semi loaded with stressed aromatic porkers headed for the slaughterhouse. When you check out the interior of your future Dream-Mobile, make sure the dash, seats and door coverings are colored a nice neutral color that won't show off dirt badly. Gray is hard to beat here, although to be fair it should be pointed out that if you drive the car opened up long enough, the interior will all be gray anyway. And so will you...
o Theoretically, whenever your convertible sits out in the elements, the top is always up when it is raining or snowing. This is only a theory. Pick interior materials that are water-resistant, as well as unconducive to growing toxic mold spores after you park, eyeball the skies, and guess wrong.
o You bought the car for the feeling of the wind in your hair (you DO have hair, don't you?). However, an extended surfeit of 75-mph wind will leatherize your face and turn your hair into a bad bird's nest or chaotic tinsel, depending on your age. Make sure the vehicle has a windshield and front side windows that form a protective cocoon for you and yours. Elsewise, you will arrive at your destination looking like a failed NASA wind tunnel experiment.
o When the top is up (like, in the winter, man!), it's supposed to provide roughly the equivalent protection of a hard-topped vehicle. Make sure the top is constructed of materials that will last longer than a season or two. Nothing looks tackier than an otherwise presentable convertible at speed with flapping roof parts outside (or inside) the vehicle. A little insulation there is a good thing, too, so you can avoid becoming a popsicle when The Hawk is out.
o Car manufacturers have still not reached a consensus on how a workable convertible roof should be deployed or put down. Some of their designs defy all mechanical logic, requiring the operator to possess the strength of Achilles, the flexibility of Gumby, the faith of day traders, and the patience of Job when performing either task. Try doing them a time or two before committing yourself to a life of extended misery.
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dave_fietz
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Member: Dave Fietz
Reviews written: 176
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