Phillip C. McGraw, PH.D, bestselling author of Life Strategies, wants his readers to understand who is the rescuer of their relationships and it's not him. It's them. So, I'm warning you right now, if you insist on blaming your partner or anyone else for all of your relationship problems, or even any of them, then don't bother with this book.
Here is a very inspiring paragraph from his introduction to make it clear what he wants his book to do. It's about self-empowerment:
This is not about power to take things from people so that you have more for yourself. It's about the power to give and to lift up those around you. What I'm talking about is the power that comes from depth and conviction--the power to inspire, to create, to experience your life and relationship at a totally different level. It is the quiet, calm power of dignity and worth. When you tap into your own core of consciousness, and you start creating your own experience, you will notice that the world, including your partner, will relate to you differently. As Emerson once wrote, "What lies behind us and what lies in front of us pales in comparison to what lies within us."
As you can see, this book isn't just for people with problems in their relationships with significant others. It first of all asks us to change ourselves from the inside out so in that way we attract relationships to us. The world will see something they like and respond in a more positive way.
Relationship Rescue wants us to become more loving people, but not just the sentimental type of lover who just "wants somebody to love and to be loved back," somebody who in Jerry MacGuire-style believes "a relationship is the one thing that would complete you." I always hated that line and never saw the movie because of it. Now I am very happy to tell you that Phillip McGraw, PH.D, feels the same way!
But it's not our fault we've understood love in that way. Not only the movie Jerry MacGuire promotes that needy-type of love, but much of our media does, also, from commercials to movies. McGraw gives us questions to ask ourselves on how willing we are to accept a new way of thinking/loving, then he prepares us for the seven steps to a successful relationship. He asks that we "put our relationship on what I call Project Status."
Well, if any of you read my editorial on When Is It Really Love?, you will wonder how I could recommend turning your relationship into a project. I can't. I don't think loving someone should be work or what you discipline yourself to do. "Project" implies a specified goal you work for, in my opinion, and I don't think relationships should be about mastering predetermined goals. That is using another person for your interests.
I do think the Personal Concepts Profile you're asked to fill out, for instance, is a good way to know yourself. Same with the Relationship Health Profile and all the profiles about yourself and your partner (without asking them to help you.) I mean, it will help you to understand why your relationship is in trouble. I also find the ten myths about relationships in Chapter Three very interesting and thought-provoking.
Final Thoughts
I think this gets very exhausting with all the exercises he asks you to do with your partner. There are pages and pages of detailed instructions of what you should say, such as "You make me feel sexy and sensual when you...fill in the blank" for three minutes, and then hug for thirty seconds and "record your thoughts and feelings in your personal journal for five minutes minimum." Oh, please! I won't even read such tripe. But it does have some good things to say. I'll recommend that part. Hope it'll give you something to ponder. :-)
Recommended:
