Martha and Wilbur Go Monitor Shoppin'
Jun 10 '00 (Updated Jun 12 '00)
Hello, kids, and welcome to today's goofy little lesson... do you all have your milk and cookies?
Go get your milk and cookies.
...
Now, now, don't think I don't know that you're trying to fool me... you silly little rats.
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.........
Fine. You're all gonna burn someday, but... but that's not important right now! What is important is your monitor.
It sits on your desk.
You stare at it.
It burns a hole into your brain and ruins your eyesight.
It makes funny noises.
It makes funny smells (you've really got problems)
It's just too small/too old/too whatever.
It's time to go buy a new one.
Open up the paper and la-ti-da... there's a cute one... and cheap! OOOWEE! "Gather up the cows and get a-movin, Wilbur... we're headin' to the big city!"
Slobbering all over yourself like Pavlov's Dog, you enter your local <insert large electronics store here> and head to the computer department, where you are greeted by one of two things:
1) A cheezy, overly dressed for computer work, ultra-slick sales punk who is going to tell you the same stuff you could find in the manual, not that they'd dare let you see it 'til it was paid for.
2) A cheezy-looking card, stuck on the front of the hideous looking shelf which holds the monitor you saw in the ad (if you're lucky/early) and a whole SLEW of other little monitor, which tells you the same stuff you could find in the manual, not that they'd dare let you see it 'til it was paid for.
Let's assume 1, since at either place, you could end up talking to someone who really didn't give a darn deep down. Here's what happens:
"Sooooooooooooooo... how can I help you folks today?"
"Welp, Wilbur and I, we were watching the Today Show... we just love that Gumball boy... and Wilbur was looking through the Sundays, 'cuz I usually have 'em all tied up what with my coupons and all... swaps, yanno... and Wilbur clapped his hands together and said 'Daggummit, Martha, it's time we got one-a-dem bigger computers!' and I said 'Wilbur, we just got a new computer, what're ya gonna do with a bigger one?' and he said "Welp, Martha, I mean the... the TV for the computer...' and I said "Welp, Wilbur, I reckon yur gonna do what yur gonna do... been that way for 40 years, I reckon 'tain't changin now...."
(salesman chuckles, very very forced)
"So... yup, we're lookin fur a monitor"
"OK!" (ultra-enthused... like he gives a hoot...) "Well, what size do you have now?"
"VGA"
"Ohhhh...Kay... Umm... how.. how BIG is it?"
"Welp, it takes up 'bout half our desk... Wilbur, is that right? Quit playin that golf game, you get 'nuff of that during the week.... it's right... half the desk... about... a foot and a half?"
"OK... umm... do you know when you bought it?"
"Well, that's a silly question... of course I know when we bought it... Wilbur... when was it we bought that TV for the computer?... Wilbur? I tell ya, that man..."
"Well, ma'am... I'll tell you what, you can just take a look at what we have and we'll go from there.. how's that sound?"
"OK, sonny... you know, you look like my grandson... he's in jail, though... can't keep away from the bottle.... "
"...<deep breath>...Here's a 15". This is pretty much the smallest size you'll find nowadays, although that just changed, it used to be that the 14" was the smallest"
"15".. 14"... what's all that funny talk about?"
"Well, the Measurement in inches refers to the diagonal measurement of the screen."
(whips out measuring tape) "Well I'll be, you ain't tryin to rip us off, are ya boy? This here says it's 14.7", not 15". All that crazy 'new math', I tell ya"
"(stifled chuckle) No ma'am, if the plastic wasn't there to hold the glass in, you would see the full 15" screen. The viewable size is the amount of the screen you can actually see. A little bit extra is needed on the edges to hold the glass in, although it varies how much is taken.
"Well... you seem like a nice boy... so ah reckon I can trust ya... Now, what about some of them bigger monitors, seein' as this here's the smallest?"
"Well, for the most part, you can expect to see 15, 17, and 19 inch monitors in the stores these days. You may see the occasional 21 inch, but those cost a good bit more, so they're not as popular. 19 inches are fast becoming the trend for people who want a larger monitor, and they've come down significantly in price."
"Well, ya got five different kinds... what's the difference?"
"Well, I'll tell you, then I'll explain. They have different max resolutions, dot pitches, and max refresh rates."
"Whoa, sonny, I ain't gonna ever keep up if you keep talkin all that funny talk!"
"I promise, when I'm done, you'll understand." (Maybe the little sales monkey isn't so bad! Imagine my surprise!)
"Alllright, but I'll warn ya, I ain't real bright when it comes to all that funny talk"
"Fair enough... now, it may or may not ever matter to you, but the Maximum Resolution is an important part of determining how much a monitor is worth. Let me give you an example. The 'base' resolution is 640 by 480. This means that 640 little dots of... stuff... are laying horizontally across the screen. 480 dots are vertical. Take this piece of paper, and we'll lay a few things around it. Now, see how there is stuff on the paper, and stuff not on the paper? We'll say that this is 640x480. Now, if we increase the resolution, here's what happens..." (moves items from outside of paper onto paper, moves items on paper a little closer together) "Now, the part I can't simulate here is that it makes everything a little smaller. That way, with every little thing taking up less space, more things can fit in the same amount of space. The downside of this is that it can be harder to see, because everything's so small. Let me show you on the screen how it looks.." (switches to 1600x1200)
"Whoa, boy, you think I'm some sorta eagle eye or somethin? Jeez. I can't read that tiny stuff!"
"My point exactly. There are various points in between" (switches to 800x600, she nods approvingly) "but they are all just various levels of the same effect. One other thing you can gain from the maximum resolution is that most of the time, if a monitor has a higher maximum resolution, it's of a higher quality. This isn't always true, but about 95% of the time you can count on it."
(Editor's note - you should always look at the monitor in its maximum resolution to see how it looks...)
"Well... ok, what's that refresh thing you were talkin bout? I make some darned refreshin' lemonade, come summertime... you might hafta head out to Swansea sometime and have some!"
"I might have to do that." (smiles, kinda warmly) "Refresh rate is how fast the screen redraws itself, the higher the number, the better. You see, what you see isn't one solid screen, it's an image that keeps refreshing itself over and over and over again. Here, I'll show you..." (grabs nearby digital camera... this guy's done this before... turns it on, points it towards monitor, then turns on display on camera) "There... see how the screen looks like it's rolling? That's because it's refreshing itself faster than our eyes can see, but the camera sees it a little differently. Here's the thing, maximum refresh rate matters most at the maximum resolution, but it is important at any level. I'll show you..." (lowers refresh rate to 60hz)
"Daggum, boy, you're gonna gimme a headache! That screen's more jittery than my cuzzin Phil!"
"Yes ma'am... now, we'll turn the refresh rate up and you can see the difference" (jacks it up to 85hz)
"Phew.. much better... "
"Now, the last thing is dot pitch. Without going too deep into the... mumbo-jumbo, dot pitch is the diagonal distance in millimeters between these little dots on the screen. See, if you've ever gotten water on your TV, you know how you can sort of see little tiny lightbulbs in there? That's because your tv has little dots that show all the little colors that make up the image. Your monitor has the same thing. These days, you'll find mostly .28, .26, and .25. Here, smaller is better, as it means that the little dots are closer together and you'll end up with a crisper picture. One thing to note here, however, is that sometimes the picture can appear a tiny bit dimmer. The reason for this is pretty simple. If you take one lightbulb and hold it against a black surface, you can notice the contrast between the two much better than if you take 5 lightbulbs and do the same. A smaller dot pitch means you have more lightbulbs in one place. Of course, brightness and contrast settings are on every monitor these days, so it's not much to worry about."
"Oh, my head's gonna explode!!! I ain't had this much information since I tried to figure out the Winston Cup points race!"
"Heh... well, the rest of it's easy, it's just a matter of looking at the different monitors, seeing what you like, and picking one out."
(Wilbur) - "hey, y'all! I like that one." (points to 19" with 1600x1200 resolution, .25 dot pitch, 85hz max refresh rate at top resolution) "What do ya think, Martha?"
(Martha) - "Whatever you want is good, Wilbur." (winks at sales monkey, he smiles)
Disclaimer - Most salespeople in large computer stores are idiots and only want your money or want you to leave them alone. If you find one as helpful as this guy, DO please make sure to let him know you appreciate it, but DON'T try to marry off your daughter. Really, just a nice thanks will do.
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Epinions.com ID:
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Member: Brian Hogan
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Reviews written: 65
Trusted by: 36 members
About Me:
The New Epinions - Why didn't I take the BLUE pill?
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