Hairy Palm Pilotry
Dec 31 '99 (Updated Apr 02 '00)
Of all the recent phenomena in the sphere of electronic gadgetry, none is more puzzling to me than the current pervasive preoccupation with Palm Pilots and similar products. It's a little like when the Sinclair hand-held computer came out in the early '80's - lots of buzz about what it can and can't do, and what it might be able to do tomorrow. Herewith a catalog of the reasons for my puzzlement:
o The miniature interface is not scaled to what humans normally require for visual input. These gizmos have abbreviated viewing screens with crude resolution that will make most of their users need a seeing eye dog before 30. Typing text by picking letters off the teensy keyboard with your mini-chopstick is like arranging grains of pepper on a gray table-top to approximate cursive. (OK, most users use the cutesy shorthand for text entry, another secret garden to indulge in. How droll...) Playing a game on this thing (sinking submarines with little depth charges?!) is like watching protozoa battle it out under a microscope. Watching grass grow is more fun. What's it gonna be like when they shrink this device down to Dick Tracy wrist radio size? This will give new meaning to the term "tunnel vision".
o The user must continuously monitor the state of the battery, lest over time it falls below the nominal minimum strength and permits all the(precious?) data within to evaporate into the ether, forcing the user to hie to his/her PC for some "hot synchin'". ("We doan need no synchin' matches!")
o The usual reasons for using these things leave me cold. Many of the supported functions can be approximated by the use of two somewhat older technologies: a pencil and a not-too-large piece of paper (which, by the way, won't erase itself unless larger metaphysical forces are at work). If you are using your Pilot to communicate with someone else, chances are you could do the same thing (and much more cheaply) by simply engaging them in conversation. Egad, what a novel idea!
o Let's come up with some better model names, if we're shooting for mainstream America! Some suggestions: the GodIsMyCo Pilot (for the religious right contingent), the Auto Pilot (for those who like to operate in "hands off" mode), the Pilot Light (a scaled-down version, if scaling this contrivance down is possible...), and the Pontius Pilot (for those who would just like to wash their hands of the whole deal).
o As with any other technology, there is the hard-core cult of true believers who know that everyone on the planet will need one of these devices tomorrow (or next week, at the outside), and that the only holdouts will be technophobes who are still in grief over the passing of the rotary phone. Thirty years ago, these techo-Nazis' parents were freaking over the slide rule and scornful of anyone outside their mathematical social club. Unbridled passion is appropriate for certain things. This isn't one of them.
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dave_fietz
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Member: Dave Fietz
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