Why are you screaming??!!
Mar 05 '01 (Updated Sep 08 '01)
The Bottom Line Toddlers can only express their anger by throwing tantrums. Be gentle with them and stay on their level!
Temper tantrums. Why is it when babies become toddlers, the temper tantrums start? My once-lovable, perfectly calm son has turned into an alien on the warpath the past few months, and I'm trying everything in the book to get him to stop screaming so much.
What is a temper tantrum?
A temper tantrum can be characterized by a hitting, screaming, crying, toddler that throws himself on the floor, all the while kicking, biting, and the like. Look for the red-faced, pleading mommy nearby and you'll know for a fact that she has just told the toddler something that he did not want to hear, probably "No."
What goes through a toddler's mind during a tantrum?
Well since I'm not a mind reader, I can't tell you for sure, but usually it's because they want something right now, and usually can't get it. Usually, Mommy is the cause. What the toddler doesn't realize is that Mommy is looking out for his best interests, and doesn't want to overload him with candy, or let him hurt himself by pretending he can fly out of the shopping cart, or run around the store knocking everything off the shelves that he can. He figures that if he makes a big enough scene in front of enough people, embarrassing Mommy to tears, that she will give in and let him have what he wants.
What can I do about these tantrums?
If your child is smart, he will see through any ideas I can post here, after you use them just one time. I will give you ideas that seem to ward off tantrums before they begin, and if anyone reading has any other ideas, please leave comments!
First, make sure your child is well-rested. A good nap does everyone a world of good. So, if you have the urge to shop or go to a friend's house, make sure he is caught up on his sleep. My son is always less patient when he's tired, and I have learned never to take him out if he hasn't napped for at least an hour.
Second, make sure the child is fed. A hungry child is like a hungry adult. Cranky, irritable, and...well, hungry. To ward off any sudden-onset hunger in the store, bring along a healthy snack for the child. Grapes work wonders, because they are sweet and easy to carry around in a baggie.
Third, and last, talk to your child the whole time you're out together. Ask him questions, and encourage him to answer. Sing to him, or ask him to sing to you. Any kind of distracting activity will put his thoughts to you rather than everything in the store that he "wants."
In Short
If these don't work for you and your child throws tantrums anyway, make sure you don't scream at him for it. Talk to him softly and get down on his level. If nothing else works, you may have to remove yourselves from the store until you're both calmed down. Just remember, the toddler is only expressing his feelings. He can't come out and tell you "Mommy, I am angry that you won't get that candy for me." Screaming and throwing fits is the only way he knows how to show his anger at this stage. Hopefully, they outgrow it. Mine is only two, and I am still waiting for it to happen! He is improving though!
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