Visdo's Hitchhiker's Guide Into His Brain
Mar 05 '01 (Updated Mar 06 '01)
The Bottom Line If you thought I was really screwed in the brain, you now have your proof.
Genesis
The World of Epinions has created many monsters. It wasn't like that all that time. In the beginning, there was nothing. God came by inside my head and said "Let there be Light!"
And there was still nothing.
Befuddled, God sent me on a mission for some life long learning in order for me to accumulate the necessary knowledge to fill the dark recesses of my mind. Obviously this was a place where angels even fear to tread. That hasn't changed. As a result, I wandered the Earth soaking up the many experiences that have crossed my path. All was well.
Then came Epinions.
Curiosity is said to have killed the cat, but I am immortal. This 472-year old bugger stuck inside the body of a 26-year old whippersnapper needed to find out why this place had so much drawing power, so much energy. But an obstacle presented itself, one that would prove to be my downfall: Choose your Epinions.com ID.
Do I dare use my real name for there is great power in a name? I have been called many names throughout my travels but I don't think idiot would go over well. No, there is one that has been with me for some time, a name that allows me access into this Cyberworld. Behold, I am elvisdo.
Now another question presents itself: What kind of voice do I give myself? Serious? Comical? Philosophical? Mischievous? The answer: All of the above, and then some. As a result of my initiation into Epinions, I am now housing more entities inside my brain, each one vying for sole dominance as The Ruler of Visdo.
The World of Visdo
The World of Visdo is a flying trapeze act without a safety net. The entourage has grown significantly over the past few months as a result of one too many shots to the head. Each one has their own distinctive personality, all working with and against each other. The scary thing is that there seems to be a long line of miscreants looking for a job in The World of Visdo. So if you dare wish to enter into this misaligned, perplexing abyss, there are some rules you need to abide by:
• no smoking is allowed unless you are a demon, devil, dragon, Dean Martin (then you can smoke and drink at the same time) or George Burns (just because he looks so cool with a cigar in his hand);
• Sordid-1 is still an Advisor (self-appointed) in “How to Use Action Figures and Sets"; and
• if you gotta go, you should have done so before you left the house.
Who's Who in Visdo's World of the Damned
I will introduce you to the unwilling participants in this merry world, but please, do not feed the crazed ones.
elvisdo
He is the gatekeeper, your guide into Visdo's World for it is he that you first encounter in your long journey. The name is derived from the sheer fact that he literally has an "Elvis do"... or coiffure if you prefer. Yes, that hair of his is mighty thick... and black. In reality, though, elvisdo is just a figurehead, a glorified puppet. Everyone uses him for he is the avatar into the World of Epinions. All these other voices channel their very thoughts through him and he will spread their messages to the masses. But you do have to admit, you did fall for the charm of one said elvisdo. I have trained him well.
Eli Visdo
There are times when a secret agent man is necessary, the master of disguise, the James Bond of Epinions. Enter Eli Visdo. Quite honestly, he made his debut in the "real" world after some government agents were stalking the host body. Okay, so they were really con artists stalking unsuspecting prey with their "business" endeavour. A sales pitch was made and they asked for a name and phone number. As the host body is also quite the con artiste himself, he saw through their nefarious plans and answered to the name of Eli Visdo. As a result Eli has had much success. Just look at his track record:
- The Prime Minister of Canada-USA (please check The Great Assimilation Write Off for further details);
- Newly Appointed Captain, former Commander, of the Starship Insanity (prfstars will vouch for that); and
- CEO of Epinions (self-appointed... happened the same time Sordid-1 became an Advisor).
Chaz Elio
Jedi Master. The walking action figure come to life. Traits of chivalry, kindness and fair play are only a few qualities in this noble knight's arsenal. He has been downplaying his role, waiting in the wings ready to help whenever it is necessary. A bleeding heart if you ask me.
Sinner-Saint McMorris
The lost soul who is seeking salvation for the error of his ways. He can be found in the corner of Saint tlimjoco’s holy chapel repenting for the sins that he has committed. Sometimes I wonder if it's alright to leave him there by himself since he always seems to be lighting candles. For some reason, the words fire and Morris don't seem to go well together.
Other notable names: Madman Morris, The Maniacal One
Morris the Cat
There is more than one way to skin a cat but first you have to be courageous enough to even approach this mysterious power. Look into his eyes and you will see that his strength has doubled in size. In the Western Astrology, the power of Leo is at his command, Lord and King of the Jungle. In the Chinese world, the cunning stealth of the Tiger is at his command. Double feline, double the amount of nine lives... but is it a double blessing or curse? Whatever the case may be just make sure the porch light is always turned on.
The Demon Prince Acthul
There are many demons who dwell in the corridors of Visdo but this one is to be feared the most. Just imagine me without a conscience, with no consideration of life, no remorse whatsoever and you have in front of you the vile and sinister Demon Prince Acthul. He is the epitome of evil incarnate and it is all because of the Las Vegas trip (please see Caesars Magical Experience for the full details) that released this hound. Not only was this Demon Prince introduced to the world, he brought along another... The Dark Mistress Bijou... and together they have scourged and ravished the World of Epinions. Besides, 29th_candidate loves Acthul's crazy name.
Other notable names: The Dark Prince
The Grim One
There will always be one that will think just a little too much, philosophizing and analyzing everything around him, and as a result the "Black Moods" will begin. You would have a better chance of being struck by lightning... twice... before you could chisel even the slightest Mona Lisa impression on this grim visage. Once on the road down this darkest of paths, no one is safe, and I do mean no one.
Chas the Undead
A nightcrawler of the bloodsucking type which has lead to his immortality. A creature of the night with a simplistic mind who always hungers in order to feed The Beast. However, his monosyllabic monologue "Me Am Chas" makes me wonder if he really is dumb as a post.
There are many others who abide their time in the spotlight: the patriotic Captain Canuck; the ever-agile Grasshopper; The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Charles; the sensuous teaser The Basque; and there has even been recent sitings of The Sentimental One to name a few.
Each personality has their own voice and is an expert in their chosen field. Each one has had something to say and I'm sure you have heeded the advice, have reflected or have been entertained by one of these characters. They are all the same yet so very different. Again, I have the World of Epinions to blame for creating these oddities, these inhabitants of the World of Visdo. As each day passed, with each new review posting, more and more voices were crying out to be heard. Slowly, I had to release them one at a time, giving each one the necessary spotlight to do what they do best... to lure you into the World of Visdo.
See what happens when you leave me unchecked.
If you wish to apply for a job in The World of Visdo, please send your résumé to hell. I will someday land up in that place and will be able to retrieve all my mail.
*** Note: This brainchild is the direct result of avoiding Caleo's twitterpating question altogether. I have nothing to hide... except for the things I don't wish to reveal. *whistling*
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Epinions.com ID:
elvisdo
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Member: Charles "The Grim One"
Reviews written: 910
Trusted by: 316 members
About Me:
Thank you to everybody who participated in both my write-offs. Until the next one!
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