The moron's guide to choosing a pet carrierMar 06 '01 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line When getting a cat carrier for a cat ... aw, hell. The folks at Epinions have lost their minds with this kind of thing.
I'm having just too much fun with these "how to" categories on Epinions. I write horrible things that I find amusing, and none of my "how to" stuff helps anyone, for the most part. If you want serious advice, look elsewhere. I only use a pet carrier with my stupid cat. My dog loves to ride in a car, so carrying her on a long trip is no problem. The stupid cat is another story, though. I hate my cat. I hate him so very, very much. However, he's my Wife's "koot wittle kitty," so I shall inflict no harm on the nasty, filthy beast. Part of protecting the hateful cat involves not letting him wander freely around the car. He tends to yowl and claw people. He tends to wind up under my feet while I'm trying to drive. In short, he's a miserable little pest in a car, and putting him in a cat carrier is the only way for the mean bastard to travel. A partial list of wrong cat carriers: There are a number of "cat carriers" to avoid, and here's a list of them: 1. Apple box. While a common, cardboard apple box is cheap and will make a cat smell like yummy apples, they don't make practical cat carriers. There are many problems with an apple box. For one thing, you could trap a cat in two apple boxes (top half slides over the bottom, remember?) and the cat would be able to breath freely. The problem, though, is that an apple box is very light, and kitty would be able to roll the thing over in the car. That would be a hell of a mess. If you have just one half of an apple box, the problem is obvious -- there's a bit hole through which the cat can escape. I'd argue that putting a cat in one half of an apple box is as bad as not using a cat carrier at all. While it's easy to toss a cat in an apple box and having a cat that smells like Washington apples is always good, the benefits are outweighed by the problems that come with trying to transport a cat in a cardboard box. 2. Paper sack with handles on it. Cats just love paper sacks, and tend to enter them willingly. And, if you've got a paper sack with handles on it, carrying the cat in it is no trouble at all, right? So, a paper sack is great, right? Nope. You've got problems here, too. First of all, lets say you toss your cat in a paper bag, staple the top shut and punch some air holes in it. Cats tend to go nuts when they find themselves in cars and lash out angrily. Those claws will shred a paper back is the cat is mad enough, and your car will be a host to chaos when kitty gets loose. Once again, you've got the problem of a large opening through which kitty can escape. As I've demonstrated, trying to throw a cat in a paper bag and seal it shut won't work. The same goes for throwing one in a paper bag and refusing to seal it shut -- kitty can get plenty of air through the opening at the top, but he can also escape easily. 3. A leash. Not exactly a cat carrier, but putting a leash on a cat and lashing the thing to a door in your car is a good way to just ask for trouble. First of all, this limits the number of people you can have in your car. The cat will try to claw people if he's angry and in a car, so you have to position all passengers so they're out of range of the hostile cat. Second, I've seen cats wander under car seats and get their leashes caught up somehow. Do you want to be in the position of trying to free and angry cat who got his leash stuck somewhere under a car seat. I sure as hell don't. Finally, I've often found that cats still want to fight after they've ridden in a car. Just because you've arrived at your destination means nothing -- you've still got a furious cat on your hands. Do you want to carry him in your arms when he's trying to get a claw on you? Well? Well? That's not for me. 4. Fireproof safe. These are good and sturdy, but the cat will probably smother in one. The cat won't get enough air in one of these. Getting the cat into one can be a chore, too, and these are very heavy. You'll wind up with a dead cat in a heavy box if you try to use a fireproof safe for a cat carrier. Remember, you always want a carrier that's properly ventilated and light enough for one person to carry. The correct cat carrier for the job! So, what kind of cat carrier does one need to get? We've had great luck with some thing called a "pet taxi" that my Wife got at Wal-Mart for cheap. When she said she was going to buy a cat carrier, I told her not to spend too much of our money on a damn cat. I don't know how much the pet taxi cost, but I'll assume it was cheap -- we've got children and a dog around here, and I'd rather spend money on them than our miserable cat. Anyway, the pet taxi we have has all of the features one needs in a cat carrier. It's made of sturdy, durable plastic and is fairly heavy. That means that it's heavy enough so it will stay situated when kitty is bouncing around and going nuts in the car. It also means that it will take some abuse. The "abuse" part is handy as it's possible to lock the cat carrier so it can't be opened easily. Why's this important? Let's say you're taking your cat on a vacation with you. No, that's a very, very sad thought, so let's think of another situation. Ah, let's say you're moving away. Yes! That way you'd have to take your cat on the long trip, right? Let's say you're moving so far away that you have to get there on a plane and the cat is holed up in storage on the airplane. Now, the pet taxi has one drawback -- it's got a door that's made of crossed, metal bars. This allows a lot of air for the cat, but it also allows one to reach outside the cage and claw people who get too close. So, let's say you've got kitty in the pet taxi, a baggage handler is loading him in the plane, and kitty scratches him. Without the lock on the door, the baggage handler could pull kitty out of the pet taxi and proceed to throttle and beat him. Now, if you've got the door locked and the thing is made of fairly rugged plastic, the baggage handler probably won't waste his time trying to free kitty from the pet taxi so the beast can receive his crisp, brisk and arguably-deserved beating. The baggage handler will be left with a freshly-clawed hand, and the cat will be just fine. That means no heartache for you. Is there a drawback to the pet taxi? Why, yes. Yes there is. As I've mentioned, kitty can reach through the metal door and claw people. There's not much that can be done about that short of declawing the cat (and, that's just cruel -- he spends half his life outside) as the filthy wretch has this thing about breathing. He likes it. He insists upon being able to breath. So, the door stays, and we deal with it. There's another drawback. The pat taxi is roomy, but trying to stuff the cat in it can be a problem. Cats don't like to be forced into confined areas, so they tend to resist and fight when being shoved in a cat carrier. There's just no way around this. My method? After I get clawed, I get determined and won't quit until the job is done. Now, don't take this whole "how to" thing as evidence that I hate cats. I just hate my cat. I said nothing about your cat.  |
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