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Hi, (Reply to this comment)
by momsworkinlate
I have an older brother who I was not raised with but feel very close to. We have several things in common (besides the same mother). I'm feel fortunate that he came into my life. My situation is different than yours in that I knew of him when I was nine etc. etc.
I was not interested on bit in meeting my mothers "real" (sperm donor) father. Her step dad was my Grumpy and will remain the same forever ;)
Sorry for rambling.
Laurie ;)
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Jul 30 '01
11:35 am PDT
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Re: Thanks+for+sharing+your+perspective! (Reply to this comment)
by Mom2TyZick
Hi Chris...of course you can print out the article, I'd be honored. I'm sorry it's so late getting back to you, alerts have been down. I just happened on this comment by mistake today. Take care! Suzanne
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Jul 29 '01
2:50 pm PDT
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Thanks for sharing your perspective! (Reply to this comment)
by chris830
My sister is in a similar situation... her almost 14-year old daughter has a different biological father than her younger two children but my BIL has been my niece's father since she was younger than two years old.
They have chosen not to tell her about her origins, at least for the time being. I don't necessarily agree but it's not my decision. I guess, like your parents, they are afraid that she will not see who her "real" father or "real" family is. I don't think they have anything to worry about because they have been excellent parents and my niece is a very smart and perceptive girl.
If it's OK with you, I will copy your article for my sister to read if/when she is again struggling with whether to tell her secret. Thanks.
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Apr 05 '01
10:15 am PDT
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Touching Comments! (Reply to this comment)
by stacyb
I think you gave some great advice! And indeed, if I found out that the children I have been raising for the last 5-6 1/2 years were switched at birth I would, like you, do nothing because these are my children and I am their mother no matter what anyone would try to tell me!
Stacy
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Mar 21 '01
5:31 am PST
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Bottom Line on Family Relations (Reply to this comment)
by DAnneC
You won me over with your Bottom Line: "Be honest." One has to wonder if that doesn't serve as sound advice on all things related to family relationships. A lapse in honesty seems to lead to all sorts of unforseen consequences. Well done.
DAnneC
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Mar 15 '01
4:04 am PST
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Re: Very Good Review (Reply to this comment)
by Mom2TyZick
Hi Sunny...Thanks for taking the time to write such a long comment. I can certainly understand your feelings and my own husband, whom I love and respect deeply, feels the very same way. However, by the time I was able to make decisions for myself, such as who I would visit or develop a relationship with, most of the people involved were getting on with their lives. Personally, I don't feel like it was fair to come in at this late date to develop a relationship because I don't feel that genetics is a good enough reason. My father that raised me adopted me, so I am his. I feel it unnecessary to seek out these other people because I have a family that completes me. To put it crudely, my biological father was a sperm donor. That does not obligate me to a relationship with his people. I just have a different opinion because I don't feel that a blood tie is stronger than a life tie.
Women who give up their children for adoption instead of having an abortion give wonderful gifts to families who are desperate for children, but my opinion is if you give up that child, you have absolutely no claim to it later on down the line. It just isn't fair to ask to be a part of that child's life when you merely gave birth. I'm very thankful that my biological father's people gave me my space to have an exclusive relationship with my own family. That was, perhaps, the greatest thing they could have done for me.
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Mar 10 '01
7:29 am PST
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Very Good Review (Reply to this comment)
by sunnydayM
I would like to express my opinion on one point. If I had been the mother of your biological father, I would very much have wanted to be included in your life in some way. My grandchildren are a part of me, too. However, I know a lot of people don't feel this way.
My own aunt refuses to have anything to do with her oldest grandson, even though her son died a few years ago. When the infants mother cut off all contact with my cousins family after the
divorce, it hurt my aunt a great deal. When the baby became a young man, he searched for my cousin and they were reunited. As much joy this brought to my cousin, his mother would have nothing to do with her grandson, and refuses to do so to this day. Personally, I think she has cut off her nose to spite her face, but then that is her right. Just my opinion. :)Sunny
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Mar 09 '01
12:49 pm PST
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Re: Wonderful (Reply to this comment)
by Mom2TyZick
Wow! Thanks for this kind compliment. I had concerns of offending other adopted children who feel that they need to find their biological parents to have an important connection, but so far, so good! Thanks for your support. Suzanne
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Mar 09 '01
5:55 am PST
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