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The 2001 Oscars: In Space, No One Can Hear You Say “Thank You”Mar 26 '01 Write an essay on this topic.The Bottom Line Despite a dreary set and ho-hum acceptance speeches, there were a few surprises during Hollywood's big night (for one thing, no one kidnapped Russell Crowe). It was a night that was predictably unpredictable. Las Vegas oddsmakers threw up their hands in despair, office pool competitors who’d voted for the “they’ll-never-win” underdogs whooped for joy, and somewhere in deepest space there’s a female astronaut who’s still trying to comb her hair. Broadcast live from L.A.’s Shrine Auditorium (as well as Sri Lanka, Australia and the Alpha space station 235 miles above earth), the 73rd Annual Academy Award Presentation was a relatively neat and tidy affair—thanks to a wild and crazy emcee who kept things moving along…even when septuagenarian awardees threatened to turn the event into 2001: A Spaced-Out Odyssey. Still, despite all the usual jokes, this year’s telecast actually ended up a whopping 43 minutes shorter than last year's show. Host Steve Martin already has my vote to return next year. With no flashy movie parodies or lead-balloon jokes of the “Uma…Oprah” variety, Martin proved once again that he is Hollywood’s smartest funnyman—no one is better at off-the-cuff wit. Funniest Quip of the Night: “So many critics are complaining these days that studios are giving away everything in the trailers. I’d have to agree. I saw the previews for Dude, Where’s My Car? and it ruined it for me. Now, maybe I’m not being fair. After all, I had read the book.” Runner-up: “Please, hold your applause until it’s for me.” But I’m getting ahead of myself. The fun begins hours earlier where, outside on the red carpet pathway leading to the auditorium, we get to ogle the quote fashions unquote and watch the media commentators make silly fools of themselves. How excited does the press get? Well, here’s my favorite red-carpet faux pas, courtesy of KTLA-TV’s Sam Rubin: (screeching into his microphone as the camera pans the arriving crowd) “And look! There’s the Royal Couple of Hollywood: Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Jones.” Later, Rubin redeemed himself by grabbing a poignant interview with Julia Roberts where she confided: “This morning, we just sat around the house. We did a bunch of silly acrobatics and ate tons of bacon.” Okey-dokey, then… Enough of the pre-ceremony nervous chatter—let’s follow the red carpet inside, shall we? This was the last year for the show to be broadcast live from the Shrine Auditorium (next March, the event moves to its own theater) and the producers spared no expense for the set decoration. I mean that literally. The stage was flanked by two large, curved archways which required winners to trot up the steps and walk through a cut-out of the statuette, with heads appropriately passing through Oscar’s crotch. The rest of the stage was a blandly-colored backdrop of tiles. Frankly, I’ve seen better sets on variety shows from the 1970’s. Apart from Martin’s laser-guided jokes, the whole ceremony was about as bland as the set, completely devoid of stand-out moments. No one refused an Oscar, no one got vehemently political (unless you count screenwriter Ernest Lehman’s plug for the Writers Guild), no one streaked naked across the stage, no one kidnapped Russell Crowe. Bo-ring. In fact, the biggest suspense of the night was whether or not they’d find another aging Hollywood legend to throw an honorary Oscar to. Nonetheless, I dutifully took notes and came up with my own list of winners and losers. And so, without further ado…the envelope, please… Best Upset of the Night: Marcia Gay Harden (Pollock) nabbed the Best Supporting Actress Award from media darling Kate Hudson (Almost Famous). The evening was less than 20 minutes old and suddenly here’s this dark horse galloping up from nowhere. Harden’s surprise win was the first of many to come. Runner Up: Steven Soderbergh, winning Best Director for Traffic, stood at the microphone speechlessly shaking his head for several seconds. Everyone, including me, thought his two nominations (the other was for Erin Brockovich) would split the vote and give it to either Ang Lee (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon) or Ridley Scott (Gladiator). This is only the fifth time in Academy history that the prize has gone to someone other than the winner of the Directors Guild's top prize (which went to Lee earlier this month). However, Soderbergh picked his jaw up off the floor and gave a decent speech about thanking anyone who spends any part of their day creating something artistic. Worst Presenter of the Evening: All of the females who introduced this year’s Best Song nominees: Halle Berry, Julia Stiles, Sarah Jessica Parker and Jennifer Lopez read the teleprompter in lifeless monotones (though, with that sheer blouse of J-Lo’s, was anyone even listening to what she said?). When it was Winona Ryder’s turn to introduce Bjork, she giggled like a teenage groupie. Best Use of Flying Dancers: The choreography during the Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon Best Song performance was almost as breathtaking as the aerial gymnastics in the movie. Almost. Most Humorless Audience Member: Despite Martin’s best attempts at kidnap jokes and other quips, Russell Crowe slumped in his chair with a scowl on his face…until, that is, Gladiator started pulling in some trophies. I was about to write him off as a bad sport, but then he won Best Actor (Tom wuz robbed, I tell ya!) and the look on his face was one of genuine surprise. He seemed awfully sincere making his speech: : “When you grow up in the suburbs...the suburbs of anywhere, a dream like this seems vaguely ludicrous and completely unattainable. This moment is directly connected to those childhood imaginings. And for anybody who’s on the downside of advantage, and relying purely on courage, it’s possible.” (Then again, he did just win the best actor award…) Best Dress: Catherine Zeta-Jones in her strapless black Versace—classic and beautiful (the dress, that is). Best Tux: Hey, I’m a guy! I was too busy watching the dresses. Worst Dress: Hands down, the winner was Bjork who illustrated what can happen when bad fashion collides with indiscretion. The result was something that looked like a fur swan. You had to see it to disbelieve it. However, it did give Martin the chance to fire off another classic quip: “I was going to wear my swan, too…but they’re so last year.” Runner Up: Sarah Jessica Parker’s black mini-dress (note to Sarah: change outfits before you leave the Sex and the City soundstage). Best Commercial Break: Britney Spears’ much-anticipated Pepsi music video, which came complete with ejaculating bottle. Runner Up: Jerry Seinfeld’s “home redecorating” ad for American Express. Slowest Ascent to the Podium: Best Costume Design winner Janty Yates (Gladiator) who moved like her dress was made of cement and her legs had turned to molasses. Oh well, it gave us a chance to see more glowering Crowe. The Cuba Gooding Jr. Award for Most Excited Winner: Peter Pau, in accepting his Best Cinematography award for Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon rattled off a long list of thank you’s in an infectiously indecipherable babble (shades of Roberto Begnini). The Sally Field Award for Most Flabbergasted Winner: Julia Roberts. Everyone—including Julia herself—knew she’d be going home with the little golden man (as well as Benjamin Bratt), but when it came time for the Sure Thing, America’s Sweetheart was breathless and quivering. “Sir,” she warned orchestra conductor Bill Conti, “you’re so good with a stick, but you’re so quick. You better just sit down because I may never have this chance again.” La Julia then tested our patience by launching into the longest thank-you speech of the night (thus losing out on the free TV Martin had offered to the fastest speechmaker). She concluded by flinging her joy all around and shouting, “I love it up here! I love the world! I’m so happy! Thank you!” You’re welcome, now sit down. Best Use of the 2001 Theme: Author Arthur C. Clarke presented the Best Adapted Screenplay Award via satellite from his home in Sri Lanka (though the producers insisted on draping a moonscape behind him). Runner Up: Beginning the broadcast from aboard the Alpha space station, three astronauts floated in zero gravity and proved you can have a bad hair day in outer space. Worst Use of the 2001 Theme: Bill Conti’s orchestra worked it into the musical fanfare whenever possible. Once was enough, thank you very much, Mr. Stick Man. Best Written Award Presentation: Mr. Zeta-Jones himself, Michael Douglas, was the last on the evening’s roster and delivered these winning lines: “In the end, all the blood, sweat and tears that went into the dealmaking...all the tantrums...phone calls...press junkets...handshaking...it all boils down to five films nominated for Best Picture.” And then he shocked everyone by announcing Gladiator (once more breaking that theorem that states Best Director and Best Picture are always from the same movie—better luck next year, Mr. Soderbergh). Biggest Loser of the Night: Chocolat, which had five nominations and no wins. Better luck next year, Miramax.  |
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by Stephen_Murray
by dangbro
