Building Self-Esteem
Apr 05 '01
The Bottom Line To sit back and allow a child his own frustration and time to fail before succeeding, is a critical part of his recognition of success and his own self-esteem.
Growing up and becoming independent is one of the most important jobs of childhood. As children learn to do more for themselves, they become more confident, they feel good about themselves, and they are more able to compete with peers. Parents can help children in their attempts to become more able to do things for themselves. By learning this, parents can build a child's self-esteem. This help starts at birth.
When parents encourage a baby to roll over or stack blocks by himself, they are building self-esteem. As a child struggles and finally triumphs, the light in his eyes begins to glow. Parents' expectations and past experiences will influence whether they will let a child experiment, get frustrated, and then make it on his own. Without freedom and encouragement, a child can develop an expectation of failure.
It is very difficult for a parent to sit back and allow a child his own time to fail before succeeding. With three children of my own, I have found myself having a difficult time with this. It's one thing to show them how to complete a task, it's another to do it for them. Frustration can be a positive force for a child's learning as long as it doesn't overwhelm them in the process.
Watch a child and observe whether he shows interest and persistance in a task or a look of defeat. Too much encouragement and too much pressure will hinder a child's willingness to complete a task. A little praise and flattery, reinforces a child's awareness of his own accomplishments. If a child looks like he's becoming irritable, he's probably under too much pressure. If he is unsure of himself, he may need some encouragement and less criticism. Sometimes it is hard to balance the two, but with time and consistancy, a parent can help build a child's feeling of self worth.
Remember, children will repeat what they see and hear. If a parent is critical, the child will learn to be critical and will see this as acceptable. If a parent is too assertive, a child will lose his curiosity and may become stubborn. Praise a child gently when he succeeds. Encourage him in a new task, but don't do it for him or push too hard. Let him try several different ways of doing the same thing. Let him discover and learn from his failures. He may spill his milk, knock over the blocks, or tangle his laces, but he will learn. Of course, this should be in the bounds of safety.
Here is a list of some ways a parent can help their child become more independent...
1. Avoid doing things for your child.
2. Allow extra time so your child can do things-like dressing or tying shoes
3. Encourage your child to try new things
4. Put shelves and drawers at your child's level so they can put toys, books, and clothes away
5. Put food into small unbreakable containers so your child can feed himself.
6. Let your child walk beside you instead of being carried.
7. Avoid answering questions for your child
8. Child- proof your house so your child can explore freely and safely.
9. Let your child make choices whenever possible, like which shirt to wear or which book to read.
10. Notice when your child tries to do something by himself and praise him for the effort.
Children are such a blessing to have. Parents should take the time to observe their children and listen to what they say as well as how they are behaving. As parents, we do not have a lot of free time, but time is what it takes to teach children the skills to become happy, healthy independent adults. Never forget the enormous power of frustration to fuel a child as he searches for a sense of his own competence. As adults, we love to be encouraged and be recognized for our achievements so why not a child? No matter your child's age, it's never too late to say an encouraging word. We all need a self-esteem boost every now and then.
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Epinions.com ID:
janinew3
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Location: Birmingham, Alabama
Reviews written: 20
Trusted by: 31 members
About Me:
As a mom of three boys and a school administrator I have many opinions.
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