In reply to Jeanniekern's opinion on raising teenagersApr 06 '01 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line I was disturbed by the idea that a mother could accept another's daughter call her, "Mommy" and take her to be
evaluated for birth control.
Firstly, let me say that despite the fact that I was disturbed by Jeanniekern's post, I believe that she is doing what she feels is best for her daughter's friend. I also e-mailed her to ask if she would have any objection about me writing a reply, and that I wouldn't do so if she wasn't keen. I have her permission. So, what am I talking about? Jeanniekern's opinion can be found at : http://www.epinions.com/content_1227268228 In summary, the opinion concerns Jeannie's daughter's friend, Ashley, a fifteen-year-old who is living with her father and stepmother. Jeannie is concerned about the way that this girl is treated at home, and has tried to include Ashley in her own family life. This extends to Jeannie taking Ashley to a Woman's Center to be evaluated for birth control and to Ashley calling Jeannie, "Mommy". Jeannie added a note to the top of her opinion later that she has tried to talk to Ashley's stepmother. So, why am I so disturbed by this opinion which has been judged "very helpful" by all the other raters? I have three main concerns : 1) Ashley is a good friend of her daughter, Nicole, and they have been what might be termed, "best friends" for about two months. But what would happen if these two friends decide they are no longer friends? Would Jeannie still support Ashley then? Yes, it's a hypothetical question, but to play an important part in a young person's life, commitment is necessary. 2) Ashley has been allowed to call Jeannie, "Mommy". But this girl has a family of her own. What message is Jeannie giving her by allowing a title which can never be earned unless formal adoption proceedings are taken? I'm worried here that Ashley may be putting too much emotional energy into this relationship which may not be healthy for either Jeannie or Ashley. 3) Jeannie took Ashley to be evaluated for birth control despite the fact that this was not something that her own family supported. I wonder how Jeannie would feel if anyone decided to take these matters in hand for her own daughter. All in all, I know that Jeannie has Ashley's best interests at heart, but what I can't accept is that anyone feels that they can make decisions for someone else's child. I would be very upset if another mother were to decide things for my daughter which I didn't want for her. It is very easy to look at others' lives and want to intervene, but in my opinion it can be inadvisable to do so. In Ashley's case, Jeannie may actually have exacerbated the relationship she has with her own family by offering her sanctuary. I am glad that Ashley is getting attention, but I am disturbed that Jeannie has taken over a "surrogate mother" role. -------------------------- I realise that this opinion may not be popular, but this was something I felt I had to express. Thanks for reading thus far.  |
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