Divorce - A Teen's Point of View on Parental RelationshipsApr 10 '01 (Updated Aug 09 '01) Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line Divorce is like an atom bomb - even relationships that seem like they have not changed, have.
My parent's separated when I was fourteen and divorced when I was sixteen. When my father told me that he was moving out, it really hit me. I had no idea. I did not think that anything like this could ever happen to me. I mean, I thought I had the perfect family. I thought everything was going to be fine forever and that when people got married, they really lived 'happily ever after.' The Truth Will Set You Free - or Tear You Apart But I was lying to myself, even at that point. My parents were obviously having problems. My father was having an affair, something that was very obvious - even I knew that it was going on. But I kept in tucked away, in denial. I even knew I was in denial, but that did not stop be from being totally shocked when my father dropped the bomb that he was moving out. It did not help me that much that five minutes after he told me, after my tears had been wiped away and the pizza we had ordered pre-Divorce chat had arrived, he was upstairs looking at reviews for a recent play we had seen online. If I can offer any advice, here it is: after you tell your fourteen year old daughter you are going to move out, don't rush online, hoping that the woman you're secretly seeing behind you're wife's back is online. It does not make anyone feel very good. So Now What? I was at a stalemate. I never thought that my life would be like this. And now that I had the option of not seeing my father, when we had to make an effort to do things together, I saw how shallow and superficial our relationship was. And, to top that off, he made me the parent in the situation. When I said I didn't want to see him anymore, instead of being supportive, he decided he'd give me the silent treatment. Who was the adult in the situation again? So What Happened? I haven't talked to my dad in four years. He has not put forth the right kind of effort - instead of blaming himself for something that IS his own problem, he has just blamed other people - usually my mom, who actually encouraged me at the begining to speak to him. He's convinced that as soon as I leave the evil, brain-washing dwelling that my mom has me held under, and am free to do whatever I want in college, I will return to him (I'm not making this up - he told a mutual friend of ours this). But it's not true. A parental relationship is not a given - it is something that you need to earn. Especially in divorce, where there needs to be an effort by the non-custodial parent and the children to meet, there needs to be some kind of relationship there to begin with. So my advice, to parents and children of divorce, is to make sure that you maintain a good relationship with your child at all times, as much as you can. Or even a bad relationship. Maintain some kind of relationship. Because, in the end, you may find that the relationship that you were trying to save was never there to begin with. **update alert** (08 09 01) This just in, for those who were wondering about the melodramitic soap-opera I like to call my life (I love exageration, don't you?) here's a little update to my situation since I wrote this in April: Still have not spoken to my father, despite the fact that he decided to take my mother to court to demand that he get not one, but two of the four tickets for my high school graduation (he wanted to bring his lovely wife, the woman he had an affair with who I've never even met -- sadly, I wasn't invited to their wedding). A nice little battle ensued, he didn't get them, but demanded to know where I am going to college and a report card and a picture, even though I am over eighteen and was over eighteen when the grades were earned, college decision was made, and picture was taken. He got them, he wrote my mother and I self-righteous letters and hopefully has disapeared into the woodwork for a little while. Now that everyone thinks that I'm cold-hearted and cruel, you can go on with your day :). **end of update alert**  |
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