|
|
Gott im Himmel, Duct Tape is cheaper!Apr 15 '01 Write an essay on this topic.
Popular Products in Personal Care
The Bottom Line The strips are very much a sham, like ingestable Lederhosen, when wet they become sticky, when dry they become.... Pores will never bow down to the strip!
The manly Bavarian must never use cosmetics under any circumstances, especially when frolicking through the Schwarzwald underbrush. One day, under just such conditions, I was horribly attacked and mauled by an old frisky cuckoo clock maker for enticing his deformed niece. That took place, I am sad to say, after I bought my Norelco razor, of which you can read in my last review. Bavarian women can't resist a hairless yodler! Biore Pore Cleansing Strips on the other hand are a shame to the great cosmetic range I now find myself buying at a rapid rate. After my buxom wife Hedwig, left me for the local postman, Hans Schubert, I have been having some identity crisis problems. Funny enough, most of them involve me running through the streets of Meldorf carrying only a bottle of beer and a moldy piece of Apfelstrudel. Minus my skin hugging Lederhosen, that is to say. One day I received a free sample, a strip if you will, which was of course my wife's, as she is the one who subscribes to "Guten Bavarian Fraulein House Keeping Tips," but I decided to pinch it anyway! So I took it, hahaha! Most cunning I say. Yet in the end the cunning I had displayed in grabbing Hedwig’s pore strip was all for naught. It really didn’t work that well, a bit like a Volkswagen built in Sumatra, it has the name but it just isn’t the same! So let me instruct you, the common peasant on the workings of the strip. Firstly this strip is used to remove these things the English call blackheads, a strange mixture of dirt and oil I hear! Sounds a bit like my wife’s cooking! In my little village of Meldorf we get Biore commercials 24 hours a day, as the local beer factory exploded and took out the bank of Knockwurst commercials they had stored so badly in a vat of rancid pudding. In these commercials, the ladies say, “Look, it is a dirt magnet!,” “Gott im Himmel it looks like a porcupine!” I did not see a porcupine or a magnet! If it was anything close to a porcupine, it was a balding one! I don’t usually refer to blackheads on a strip as looking like small brush dwellers. But in America people are strange. The aspect of wetting the strip and placing it on my nose appealed to me greatly, as it reminded me of the old German tradition of nailing wetted planks of pine to our foreheads. It is an Easter thing! Those that live further south nail it further south, but that is another story! After wetting one’s nose, the strip must be placed firmly on your sniffer! Then you must sit around waiting for it to dry. This may take some time, 15 minutes in some cases. I usually spend this time watching the Mexican soap opera, (translated into German naturally!), “Uno Chalupa uno Karamba Gringo.” Very strange, I must say. It involves a mouse called Greedy Gondolas or something like that, and a cat called Sylvester. Silvester also happens to be the German new year! Okay now that this strip has dried, you can go to the mirror salivating as you fantasize about your porcupine nose, as those women did in the commercial! Rip it off! Gott im Himmel, nothing much! I was rather saddened at the fact that my “homemade porcupine on a strip” never turned out. These strips get some blackheads, but for the price one pays, it isn’t really worth the Marks. For what it promises in results, it doesn’t make up for in price. I purchased a box just to try them out, yes a girlie man thing, but with Hedwig out of the house and all of the spare lingerie lying about, I can’t resist! It just does not work! Gott im Himmel, duct tape is cheaper, and has more stick! I will sell my soul to the god of duct tape if my pores will one day be as empty as my bed is! Gott im Himmel, where is my Hedwig?  |
| Read all comments (5)|Write your own comment |
