Musical Musings. "It's All About the Music W/O" Apr 18 '01    Write an essay on this topic. Tweet Popular Products in Music Jersey Boys [Original Broadway Cast Recording] by Original Broadway Cast From $8 Mai by Eri Sugai From $4 The Bottom Line Yeah. This is IleneG’s W/O. I just get to play here: So, sslabs invited me to join him and IleneG in celebrating her Epinions anniversary. While I was thinking of what to write, a reporter for Rolling Stone kidnapped me, tied me up and started asking me questions. The following is the transcripts as recorded by the FBI: ::waves microphone in my face:: Reporter: You will talk to me. Me: I told you already. I wrote one music review and that’s it. No more. Reporter: This could get ugly for you. ::brushes his long, brown hair from his face:: I suggest you cooperate. Your people don’t seem to want to bail you out. So, tell me: what song embarrasses you to admit that you love but you still blast it when it comes on the radio? Me: ::sighs:: Fine, you little weasel, I’ll tell you. “Pour Some Sugar On Me” by Def Leppard. I can’t resist it. With lyrics like “you’ve got the peaches/I’ve got the cream”, how could I not turn the volume up? When he sings, “I’m hot, hot, sticky sweet from my head to my feet…yeah”, I have this urge to start licking my lips in anticipation. Reporter: ::shudders:: Really, some things are better left unsaid. Moving on, what is your favorite moment at a music award show? Me: When it is over? Reporter: That is NOT the correct answer, missy! Try again. Me: Well, I really thought that the Beastie Boys plea to stop encouraging violence against women was fairly remarkable. Lots of musicians seem to think that women are just accessories to their music videos, and the Beastie Boys spoke out against that attitude. Reporter: See, when you behave yourself, it goes much better for you. Next question: What song makes you feel cool when you’re driving? Me: Oh, that’s an easy one. “Rebels” by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. When Tom sings “I’ve got one foot in the grave/ and one foot on the pedal/I was born a rebel”, there is nothing better. Speaking of Tom, I know he isn’t going to be happy that you kidnapped one of his fans. I suggest that you let me go. Reporter: You’re a funny girl. Tom Petty…bwahahahaha!! So, what song brings up painful memories? Me: Bonnie Raitt singing “I Can’t Make You Love Me” because it reminds me of a boy that I loved in college. I used to wake up beside him and know deep down that he would never love me as much as I loved him. That knowledge was so painful, and she is singing the very words that I felt at those moments. ::sniffs:: Please ask the next question. I don’t cry for anyone, not even kidnappers. Reporter: If you insist. What is your favorite sex song? Me: There are lots of good ones. “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction” is one. “Light My Fire” is another. Anything by Prince, especially “Darling Nikki”. Fiona Apple's voice is so lush that she could sing my grocery list and make it sound sexy. However, going back to Tom Petty, I’d have to say “Breakdown.” “Breakdown, go ahead and give it to me/ Breakdown, honey, take me through the night”…those have to be some of the best lyrics and the way he sings it, all slow and gooey and tantalizing. It makes me a very happy girl. Reporter: Really, this Tom Petty fixation is a bit much. You should seek help. What is the funniest song and please, no Tom Petty… Me: ::sighs:: Duh, he doesn’t have any funny songs. I really like “Girls” by the Beastie Boys and “Self-Esteem” by Offspring. Both bands capture a sense of irony and are really laughing at themselves. Reporter: What would you listen to on your way to commit a crime? Me: What was the radio playing when you kidnapped me? Oh, yeah, when I commit a crime. Hmmm…I’ve never committed a crime. Anything by the Ramones, of course. However, I think U2’s version of “Helter Skelter” would work. I mean, if Charles Manson could go on a rampage based on The Beatles original, I can use a rendition for my own generation. Of course, there is also The Who’s “Behind Blue Eyes”. Reporter: Good choices. Very old school rock. What artist or group can’t you stand? Me: How much time do we have? Almost all the boy bands irritate me. Almost all the girl bands irritate me. Michael Bolton’s rat-like face makes me cringe. Whitney Houston hasn’t done anything good in years. Barbra Streisand wore out her welcome five good-byes ago. Limp Bizkit is just annoying and loud, but every once in a while, I sing along despite myself. Really, this would be a lot easier for me if you’d let me go back home and look at my tapes and cds. I have a terrible memory, and you’re putting me on the spot. Reporter: Quit your whining! With these crappy answers, you’re lucky to be still sitting here. What a waste of time you’ve turned out to be! Me: Hey, bucky, don’t get mad at me. I told you I don’t do good music reviews. Go pick on Sparkospunky or sslabs or someone like that. Reporter: ::mumbles to himself, shakes head:: Let’s make this fast, sweetheart. If you could donate a vital organ to be alone with this singer, who would it be? Me: Will you kill me if I say Tom Petty? Reporter: Yes. Me: Well, the four “J’s” are dead. You know, Janis, Jimi, Jim and John, and any one of them would have been worthy of giving up a kidney or a lung. Actually, Janis, Jimi and Jim could have used part of my liver, I think, but since they’re dead, I suppose you want someone who is alive. I really think Kid Rock is cute in that white-trash, porn king kind of way. He’s so delightfully sleazy. Eric Clapton is adorable, but he doesn’t drink any more, so I would feel guilty knocking back the gin in his presence. When I was a kid, I had a thing for Barry Manilow, but that is best left undiscussed, I think. Reporter: Agreed. Who was the biggest disappointment following a hit record? Me: Terence Trent D’Arby. ‘Nuff said there. Reporter: You’ll get no argument from me. Not to make you cry again, but what song makes you cry? Me: Well, there’s Patty Loveless singing “When Fallen Angels Fly”. That always gets me. When U2 sings “All I Want Is You” from the Rattle and Hum album, I feel hollow. However, there is one song that always makes me weep, and that is Pink Floyd’s “Wish You Were Here”. There is something so evocative about the image of “We’re just two lost souls/swimming in a fish bowl/year after year…how I wish you were here.” It speaks of all the loneliness and pain that we feel and also how we are disconnected from love. Reporter: ::sniffs:: I never thought of that. Suddenly, there is a commotion at the door and in bursts a lanky man with blond hair. Lanky Man: You’re holding a fan hostage and I demand that you hand her over to me! Reporter: Who are you? Ohmigawd…you’re…::stunned into speechlessness:: Me: ::stand up and runs over to rescuer:: See? I told you he’d come. Don’t mess with Le Petty. All Apologies, What Else Could I Do?: I’m not the world’s greatest music reviewer. I promise not to inflict any more music reviews upon you. Now, please go read the other participants, who I can guarantee did a far better job than I did.

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