Our adoption story....Apr 22 '01 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line There is no safe bets in adoption. County, private or international adoption all have their ups and downs. Being prepared and informed is the key to a sucessful adoption.
First of all we live here in California, Central Coast to be a little more specific. Adoption is an exciting experience, but can also be scary at the same time. So here is our story. When we finally decided that we were ready for our 'own' children, we chose adoption. {we have a his,hers and our family} Jeffrey and Jessica are step brother/sister who are 8 months apart. Currently 9 and 8. Jeffrey is my husband's son, and Jessica is my daughter. Of course we'd love to have a baby together, but with my looming birth-defect gene, Jessica is and will always be my only birth child. Have to love my husband that much more, he wanted more children, but married me besides that. Anyway we decided that adoption was the one way to make our family grow. We chose to go through the county, since you have to go through them anyway for private adoption. Figured that this was the least expensive manuver. I know this will sound crude, but Jeff and I didn't use the private option since we didn't want to 'buy' a baby. So I contacted Social Services for our county. San Luis Obispo (805-781-1700}. The opperator directed us to the foster/adoptions department. Our first job was to sign up for the P.A.C.E. {parenting abused children effectivly} class, and gave the clerk our name and address for the application and questionare. The application was pretty much like a job application. And the questionaire was what our family status was, if we owned/rented, any children in the home, pets, all those types of general things. The P.A.C.E. classes were once a week for six weeks. What six nights out with no kid! Yahooo. WRONG. {Jeffrey lives with his mother}. The classes were held at night, and there were about ten other couples and one single lady. The teacher was an adoption social worker. The first four classes were about foster children, who they are and about the system in general. The last two were on adoption and the 'secrets' of getting the children to become part of a 'normal' family. The classes include topics of self-esteem, disapline, changing bad behavior to good behaviors, how to handle the stress of raising a difficult child/ren and so many more. The worst problem that most foster children face is attachment dissorder, meaning they never learned bonding. Following right behind is self-esteem. After the classes are over, your family will be assigned an adoption worker. There are three catagories: ADOPT ONLY {you only will get a child/ren once they are legally free to be adopted, FOSTER/ADOPT means you are a foster family, but if the child becomes free the foster family gets first rights to adopt the child/ren, and finally, but the most important one is FOSTER, this means you are only fostering the child/ren with no wish to legally adopt. We were an ADOPT only family then and are a FOSTER/ADOPT, now. We got our worker and boy did she send us a TON of paperwork. The worst but actually the most important is the self-study! PS make copies of every form you fill out! Self Study: General stuff at first like: name birthdate nationality ethnicity height weight eye color hair color skin color occupation employer religious preference Then the hard stuff, I kid you not. It took me 4 weeks to fill this out, hubby had his own. FAMILY OVERVIEW MOTIVATION FOR ADOPTION ATTITUDES TOWARD ADOPTION APPLICANTS FAMILY BACKGROUND APPLICANT'S SELF-ASSESSMENT MARITAL RELATIONSHIP HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR SPOUSES PERSONALITY WHAT ARE YOUR GOALS IN YOUR MARRIAGE WHAT ARE YOUR ROLES PARENTING ABILITIES AND EXPECTATIONS CHILREN IN CURRENT FAMILY CURRENT FAMILY FUNCTIONING HEALTH RELIGION EDUCATION AND EMPLOYMENT FINANCES When the worker finally comes to your home and meets you they know you very well and already have most of the thought/headache provoking questions answered. Mostly what is discussed is what kind of child/ren are you looking to adopt. We were set on one boy, but if that boy had a sister that was okay. Our time frames: July 1998- PACE classes October 1998- Case study November 1998- First heard of possible children set. Grandmother chose another couple. BIG HEARTBREAK August 6, 1999- Second possible children set. Met with two brothers. Accepted possible set of brothers. August 20, 1999- Brothers' set move in. Ages: 2 & 15 months. November 2000- Adoption final!!!!!! Mega party My husband was home for the first two weeks. THANK GOD!. Those two wore us out. We were used to a seven year old girl, not two very active little boys. There were a LOT of very rough days, and a lot of counceling, two separate trips to the emergency room (6 stiches total}, their first 'real' Christmas. The older one {now Jonathan} at age two just turning three on Jan 12th had NO idea who Santa was. Neither did {now JW Cody} his little brother, who was at that point 19 months. It was such an overwelming Christmas. The brothers lived with us for 15 months before the adoption finalization day! The experience altogether was wonderful and scary at the same time. Their birth families lived in the same town! We are currently back in line, for a little girl between 0-2 years old. CA law is only two same sex children to a bedroom. With only a three bedroom home, we have to win the lottery for any more. The boys are older but we have told them from day one that they are adopted, and we love them so much for that. We have been keeping in touch with their paternal grandparents with letters and photos. We send them to social services and their worker sends the photo/letter updates to the family. They also know that they have an older sister somewhere and that they now also have a younger brother with another adoptive family. We are more then ready to help them in their search when they are ready, and we hope that they are ready for what they may find or learn. But for now they are secure and safe in a loving home with us. I hope that this information is helpful to you. I enjoy sharing this time with you. A long read, but well worth your time. Readings on fostering or adoption: Susan & Gordon adopt a baby :Judy Freudberg & Tony Geiss Mommy did I grow in your tummy? :Elaine Gordon, PhD Lucy's Feet :Stephanie Stein Adoption is forever :Linda Wickstrom The Broken Cord :Michael Dorris  |
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