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As someone who only had brothers growing up... (Reply to this comment)
by jaccav
I now know what fun I'm going to be in for when my two year old daughter begins adolescence. And my wife didn't understand why I only wanted sons-lol. Great review and some good advice in there!
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Jun 11 '01
12:58 pm PDT
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Excellent article! (Reply to this comment)
by cathyb53
One of my twin 10-yr-old daughters (Liddy Bargar) is a published contributor to the excellent book Ophelia Speaks; the other has been published (under a nom-de-plume that she hasn't shared even with me!)in another excellent book on the subject, Girls to Women, Women to Girls.
They've successfully navigated the perilous waters of adolescence now (as have I!), and have both gone on to study and work with the very problems of adolescent girls in our society that you write about. They study the issues, they are passionately committed to helping resolve them, and one is pursuing a career in adolescent sexual and health education - if you'd been teaching at their colleges, they'd have been right there in your class, learning from you and helping you learn.
One thing I think is incredibly important, which my kids were lucky enough to get as part of their middle and high school education, is specific classes on the influence of media on the development of women's sense of self - self-esteem, body-image issues, etc. Kids need to be taught this, as specifically and clearly as they are taught anything else in school: all those ads, all those images in TV and magazines and movies, are out there for one reason - PROFIT. Women are portrayed in the ways they are because it serves the industries involved to do so, not because it is healthy or realistic or helpful to girls or society at large. Once kids learn to analyze the messages behind the media critically, they are immunized from a great deal of the harm. But we need to teach our kids that - by the time it dawns on them spontaneously, the damage has been done!
Anyway, excellent piece of writing, as always, Dr. Steph!
Cathy
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May 23 '01
8:38 am PDT
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Bravo! (Reply to this comment)
by conradd
Excellent advice. I can't wait for your editorial on boys. The transition from elementary to middle school at the same time that puberty hits is draining for both child and parent. If I'd realized how draining, I'd have switched my son to an elementary school that included grades 1-8 instead of throwing him into a very tough situation as he entered 6th grade.
I've read that one of the strongest protective factors that an adolescent girl can have is a strong loving relationship with her father. Interesting. I haven't read Reviving Ophelia yet (has been on my list of must-reads for eons) but will do so soon. Excellent review.
Deb
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May 05 '01
2:02 pm PDT
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What a fantastic review!! (Reply to this comment)
by xmasbaby
Thank you for taking the time to write this article. I found it very information, and although I have a son, very helpful. I hated adolescence, but I survived. I can't wait for you to write one on the boys! -Elizabeth
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Apr 30 '01
9:19 am PDT
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Where is that .... (Reply to this comment)
by Lisa_J
very ~ very ~ very ~ very ~ very ~ very ~
helpful button when you need it?
Great job Steph, and thank you!
*Lisa who has a happy - sad - mad - happy - sad - mad 10 year old who is changing --puberty--!*
Unconditional love, not taking things personal as a parent -- most of what they do (if not all) is not intended to hurt you, nor is it a reflection of you, and forgiveness ~~ tools of someone who is supporting her soon to be 6th grade daughter!
One thing that has helped us tremendously, is that Dad has become the main approach person in situations now. She possesses more character traits / innate personality like his, allowing him to really understand. It has worked wonderfully.
Also, my ballerina/pianist/dancer has switched to softball, so Dad is assistant coach!
Ahh, deep breath, it will be okay!
=)
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Apr 28 '01
6:32 am PDT
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Bravo! (Reply to this comment)
by pipet
I'm one of those who absolutely hated my teen years!
Hopefully your epinion will help some parents to be more aware and get more involved in their teens' lives.
pipet
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Apr 27 '01
11:51 pm PDT
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Oh Steph, this was sooooo good! (Reply to this comment)
by sgentile
I am so glad you wrote this and that I got to read it when my daughter is still far from this scary time (she's only 2)... What you've written is oh so true! I'm sure I'm not the only one who found myself nodding in agreement (over & over) as I read... Great advice and insight. Thank you for reminding us all and for taking the time to write this editorial!
Susan :)
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Apr 27 '01
7:08 pm PDT
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Nicely written (Reply to this comment)
by janinew3
Thanks for the informative review!! Although I have 3 small boys, I can assure you, I have a long way to go and a lot to look forward to. Nice article. janinew3
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Apr 27 '01
5:57 pm PDT
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all well and good, (Reply to this comment)
by jankp
but I kept wondering throughout how I could have fun writing on this topic, do something goofy...Hehe, it's the weekend, what do you expect???
Jan
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Apr 27 '01
5:02 pm PDT
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all well and good, (Reply to this comment)
by jankp
but I kept wondering throughout how I could have fun writing on this topic, do something goofy...Hehe, it's the weekend, what do you expect???
Jan
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Apr 27 '01
5:02 pm PDT
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Thanks for the wonderful resources! (Reply to this comment)
by msilvermare
As a parent of two college aged boys and a middle school teacher, I find your epinion informative and useful. I am copying your resources, if you don't mind, to share with parents.
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Apr 27 '01
1:42 pm PDT
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Excellent! (Reply to this comment)
by willeftk
Wonderfully informative! My daughter will be 8 this summer and I remember my body started to change at 8. My husband won't hear of his baby girl doing something as terrible as developing breasts!
I keep trying to brace myself for puberty. I had a rough time with it, so I imagine she will too.
Thanks for another great article.
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Apr 27 '01
11:47 am PDT
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Interesting to read this because.... (Reply to this comment)
by NFP
..as the parents of twin boys now in college, we were always amazed at how the girls in junior high and high school seemed to have their acts so much more together than the boys -- by-and-large more mature, more driven to succeed, more focused on interests earlier than their male peers.
Obviously there were big-time exceptions on both sides, but it seemed from our vantage point as though the struggle with boys was greater.
Good post.
nick
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Apr 27 '01
9:38 am PDT
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Re: Nice+Epinion (Reply to this comment)
by Dr_Steph
I agree, Laurie. Boys have many struggles to face during adolescence, too, and they don't necessarily have an easier time with it. I'm not trying to minimize their experiences.
I appreciate your wishes for me to include both boys and girls but I just couldn't manage that in one editorial. Hopefully I'll write one on boys later. :)
Steph
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Apr 27 '01
7:44 am PDT
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Nice Epinion (Reply to this comment)
by momsworkinlate
I think you are short changing what boys go through though. My oldest will soon be thirteen and believe it or not he (and his friends) are going through the topics which you list.
While boys may not be concerned with the size of the bosom - they are concerned with having a four-pack and a six-pack.
The harassment that goes on in school sends boys home in tears and their self esteem is undermined everyday. I am a mother of all boys and have talked to several others. I know it's not just my kids.
Sorry to ramble - I really did enjoy your article but which it had addressed both girls and boys. Their problems are similar. I think boys are "expected" to tough it out =(
Laurie
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Apr 27 '01
6:05 am PDT
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Outstanding ! (Reply to this comment)
by Lucky47
Hi Steph,
Well, as the mom to 5 daughters and the youngest being 13 I can tell you that I've gone through it all. The most important thing for me was to remember that even though the first 4 were all very close in age before I had my youngest daughter 14 years later, they are all individuals and you have listed all the facts that will get everyone through adolescents. An exceptionally written piece.
Carol ~
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Apr 27 '01
5:05 am PDT
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:) (Reply to this comment)
by disartain
This is such a great opinion. I raised 4 girls all adults now, but I went through the gamut with them. Whenever puberty hits, sanity goes out the door, they went from being playing children to morose and moody adolescents'. I wish I had known what you know now, I too would have changed the way I handled some things.
Diane
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Apr 26 '01
9:02 pm PDT
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Stunning! (Reply to this comment)
by shurie
What insight you have Stephanie!
My little girl isn't quite at that age yet. You've made me wish I could freeze her age right where it is!
Thanks for sharing your insights into these tough adolescent years.
Lee
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Apr 26 '01
8:11 pm PDT
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Excellent, excellent, excellent! (Reply to this comment)
by prettyinpink
Steph, this is wonderful! I'm so glad you included the resources at the end, too.
I was in a book group that studied "Reviving Ophelia," and it was astonishing the carryover all us grown (over 25 yoa) women have from adolescence.
There is so much that might be said. I just wish the schools would do a better job teaching math and science to girls. I understand that from middle school on, the teachers of math and science just stop expecting much from girls.
Truly a wonderful piece!
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Apr 26 '01
6:17 pm PDT
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Wonderful advice! (Reply to this comment)
by rich2003dm
Great review, loaded with useful information.
I have a fifteen year old daughter, and so far the transition from childhood to young womanhood has been seamless and trouble free. Got real lucky with this little gem of mine!
I've heard horror stories though about this difficult time, and your review will help a lot of people.
Rich
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Apr 26 '01
5:12 pm PDT
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Great epinion on adolescence (Reply to this comment)
by glomarrone
Hi,
This was a rough time for my daughter, also. She reached puberty way before any of her classmates. Not only that, she was a head taller than everyone. Boys wrote her sexually notes and she didn't want to be seen in a bathing suit. She was embarrassed about her height, her development & her weight. If was a difficult several years. Eventually everyone else caught up and things improved. Today she is a self assured young woman about to be married. I agree that teens need lots of support and understanding. They need parents to accept their feelings and not discount them.
Thanks for the wonderful epinion.
See you again!
Gloria
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Apr 26 '01
5:07 pm PDT
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Superb (Reply to this comment)
by ChrisJarmick
Informative, well written. . . but more importantly full of excellent and needed reminders. Yep my oldest daughter is 13.... What a wonderful thing to read right now.
Thank you....
and....
Thank you again.
Christopher J. Jarmick co-author of The Glass Cocoon with Serena F. Holder. Now available.
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Apr 26 '01
4:22 pm PDT
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wow (Reply to this comment)
by bwyckoff1
what a fantastic article. As a mom of two adolescence-one a girl leaving this period I say you covered all the bases. Great job!
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Apr 26 '01
4:13 pm PDT
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Dear Doc . . . (Reply to this comment)
by phineaskc
this is an EXCELLENT article. It is informative, well thought out, and easy to understand. Thanks for sharing this with the rest of the community.
Pamela
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Apr 26 '01
2:45 pm PDT
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Wonderful Epinion! (Reply to this comment)
by Bluevnilla
You've hit the nail on the head with this epinion. As a teenager, you've captured my thoughts exactly, and your ways of support seem wonderful!
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Apr 26 '01
2:44 pm PDT
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