Having said that, I am doing my homework for our new vehicle, a (gulp) minivan. And while my gut screams, "NO!!!" my husband says, "Quiet down, honey, you'll wake the baby." Sigh. I guess I have to do this, don't I?

First a brief background on us. Us being my husband, a 45 year old former Ford manager. He grew up in Detroit and is very loyal, plus he has connections for those delicious employee/friends discounts. So we really wanted to take advantage of that and get a Ford product. So our first vehicle to check was the 2004 Ford Freestar.

I have been to the Ford website (that would be www.ford.com) probably 100 times now, building and rebuilding this minivan. It's too darn expensive! Why do vehicle manufacturers think they're doing consumers a favor by offering a bare-bones model? What parent really wants that? What's more, the bare-bones model is too expensive.

For $24,600 you get a 2nd row bench, not captain's chairs. That means not only can your kids sit close enough to beat on each other, they have lots of cloth to spill drinks on. You can listen to the radio to drown out their tortured screams ("Mommy, Tommy is beating me with the bat again!"), but not to your favorite CDs. What's that? DVD player? Muahaha, not likely!!

For $27,075 you get to have 1 CD at a time. Your kids are still beating on each other, but the windows are now tinted so you can hide the shame. Those are the only differences of any importance.

For $28,895 you can luxuriate in a tri-zone heating and cooling system, and finally the kids can adjust their own temperature and fan controls (so you can tune them out and enjoy your single CD). This vehicle adds driving lamps, but doesn't specify whether I can choose my own lampshades. I want to be fashionable, after all!

For a whopping $30,140 you start entering the amenity arena which we moms all expected back at $24,600. But first your fuel economy drops from 17 city/23 highway to 16 city/22 highway. Now that might still seem pretty good, but consider these two things: 1) The Dodge Grand Caravan runs 18 city/25 highway, and 2) when I test drove (the Limited), the trip computer said I was getting *9 mpg*. 9??? Why don't I just buy a Hummer?!

But I digress. At $30k you add a driver's door lock keypad, one of those hideously ugly little features that nobody wants. If I wanted to touch the door with my one free toe or elbow, it wouldn't be to punch in some mysterious and magical unlocking code. You do get cornering lamps, for those times when Tommy left his bicycle right in your path but you wouldn't have seen it if the headlamps didn't follow the path of your tires as you turn. On the other hand, after schlepping Tommy and his bat, do you really care if you run over the darned bicycle?

You get to add your ancient (does anyone really want to pay for this feature?) cassette tapes to the mommy clutter. You get a fancy rearview mirror, automatic headlamps (which should be standard on all cars, thank you very much), and an overhead console which tells you the temperature and what direction you're going. The kids get to control the radio, which may or may not be a good thing. You also now get to actually watch Tommy beat Sally with his bat, because on this model you'll find a "conversation mirror", one of those convex doodads that lets you see both kids in a funny, distorted new way. The mirror is located right above the rearview mirror, and it folds away when not needed or wanted (do you really want to watch Tommy picking his nose?).

And finally, you get those wonderful captain's chairs which "fold and tumble" (now, is it the seat which folds and tumbles, or the stressed out mom trying to make the seats do what she wants?). I tried out these seats and found them confusing. When I wanted to slide the seat forward, it folded instead. And when it folds, it collapses on the baby's car seat. So you can't even use the "fold" feature if you have baby or booster seats. You have to do it all manually. How hard could it be to come up with power seats that do all this with the touch of a button? We moms do not often have both hands free.

At $33,775 you've reached Freestar mecca - the Limited. This is supposed to be the ultimate, the creme de la creme, the car with every option all rolled into one. Well, hmm, let me ask: what mom really wants leather seats when Tommy is potty training? They're nice, to be sure. I have them on my '03 Escape. But I wish we could at least get a credit towards cloth seats. It is on this vehicle you get the "message center", which is how I found out I was getting a pathetic 9 mpg.

You get automatic temperature controls, and the kids control their own zone. You get power adjustable pedals, which should be on lower models. Dual power sliding doors, heated mirrors, but not heated seats...my Escape Limited has heated leather seats. Why not this one? There is still only a single CD player, not a 6-CD in-dash player. My Escape Limited has a 6-CD player. Not a DVD player to be found. I have to pay tons of money but don't get tons of features?

I test drove the Limited last month. While I am accustomed to Ford's leather, on this vehicle I found myself sliding around as I cornered, and often had to grip the wheel and the door to keep myself in place. I needed the adjustable pedals to feel comfortable in the seat. The door plastic comes up unusually high, and in fact the plastic molding (my armrest) rises 3-4 inches above where the glass ends. It's disconcerting and not attractive.

I had no problems with braking and steering. Accelerating felt heavy, and as I accelerated on an on-ramp, I could see the gas gauge sliding down (9 MPG???). I was looking forward to a quiet ride, as had been touted. It's not that quiet. Okay, it's quieter than my Escape, but honestly it's still nothing to brag about.

It feels very heavy on corners, a lot less agile than my Escape. I could feel the road bumps (and in Michigan you get plenty of those). The vehicle felt huge, and I'm sure that is something to get used to. You'll have no trouble seeing out the back - it feels wide open.

My last complaint was the rear folding tailgate seat. The seat is all one piece, whereas it really needs to split 60/40 or 50/50. Why? Well, I want to be able to sit behind my kids for the occasional bottle feeding or as bat referee. I can't do that in my Escape, and any mom with a newborn will tell you you need to be able to sit next to or behind your baby to attend to her needs. This is, of course, assuming your husband is driving. I doubt you could sit back there and drive at the same time. :)

So I started thinking, great, I'll do the minivan thing and I can sit back there on our car trips. Then I realized, if I sit back there we can't put the seat down, and if we can't put the seat down, we can't fit our suitcases, stroller, play yard (for sleeping babies), Christmas presents, and extra gear for those weekends in Indiana and yearly Florida vacations. Well, this sucks. I can find a split rear seat on the Grand Caravan, it is cheaper and it gets better gas mileage. What advantage does Ford have?

My conclusion: none. I can't justify the enormous price tag on this vehicle. It does not feel luxurious. In fact the beige and grey interiors look horrid, cheap, and outdated. The grey is the worst of the two. It is not a quiet or smooth ride. You don't get the power sliding doors until you hit the upper price tags. You don't get a DVD player. You don't get a 6-CD player. You don't get halfway decent gas mileage (9 MPG, people!).

You have to pay through the nose for auto headlamps, captain's chairs, cassette player, an ugly keypad, and you don't get reverse sensors (my Escape has those!). Minivans should have reverse sensors! It's basic mom gear. You have kids, and you need to know if they are standing behind the car trying to climb onto the bumper for a ride down the street. Why doesn't Ford get this?

So all around, I'm disappointed. Bad ride, not enough features, way too expensive. I'm likely going to defect from Ford (my husband gave me permission) and buy the Dodge Grand Caravan instead.

Recommended:
Yes

Amount Paid (US$): NA
Model Year: 2004
Model and Options: Tested Limited