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Chores, oh YuckMay 08 '01 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line 'ma ain't gonna drive us to the movie if she is spending all day Saturday doing this, that or the other...' good lesson well learned.
Chores, Helping Around the House, The Job Chart - Jar - Spinner, whatever you call it, or how you approach it Work Around The House must be done by someone. Given a choice between nagging, cajoling, punishing and hoo hah the kids into doing something they don't want to do and the pleasure of a clean, well ordered, QUIET home I'd as soon do it myself. On the other hand, is there something good or valuable or necessary in having kids 'do their part.' You betcha there is and foolish is the parent who looks into that pouty little face, or that tangled nest of a finished chore, or accepts 'I forgot' and prevents their kiddie from the joy of a task well done and the sense of true belonging in their family. One message you give your kiddies when you do it all is that you the parent do not believe in your kiddie enough to trust him/her to function as a 'real' member of your household. You destroy the spirit of the kiddie and breed later resentment when you do for your child what he can and should be doing for himself. As a child, my sisters and I were given tasks to do, there was no negotiation, we did them, we didn't realize that we might have an option not to. Our parents set our 'jobs' as things we were physically and capable of performing, praised us for a job well done and did their own jobs: mom a non working outside the home type lady as most of her generation was cooked all of our meals everyday and helped us with homework problems. Dad went off to work everyday, came home to tend his vines and trees and chickens and turned the jumprope for us or engaged in little girl tea parties. We girls fed the chickens, gathered eggs, pulled weeds, set the table and washed dishes. It was a given: we all had things to do in order to keep the household running without problem. As we grew I became the official Saturday mopper of linoleum floors, sis became the official Saturday mower of the lawn, and the youngest became the official Saturday helper with the wash... an old wringer type. We did not have a chart, spinner, jar or whatever, when we were little girls we were simply told by our parents that it was time to do thus and so, when older we had a well established routine of what was expected and what we should do. There were no threats or promises made by our parents. However we did know that as soon as the Saturday chores were completed the likelihood that we might trek into town for a day of 'shopping' or a picnic at the local park was real strong. After my boys arrived at my house I took stock. I was a working mom, the house was not going to take care of itself. One the other hand I neither carried my clothes to the river to pound with a rock, nor did I have a wringer type... there isn't a whole heck of a lot to do with an automatic machine other than load and turn the dial. No matter, kiddies even those as young as 2 years old can and should be given simple tasks so that they too may achieve that sense of accomplishment that comes in performing as a functioning member of the household. A two year old should not be expected to slop the hog so to speak, however there are many tasks they can and should be given to do. Here is a list of simple tasks younger kiddies can accomplish with little difficulty: 1. help set the table.... this is not only a good chore, but is a together time for busy working mom and her little folks as they together get the evening meal prepared, 'How many forks do we need child?' 'One for Mom, one for Dad, one for brother and one for me.' 'How many spoons do we need?' etc. For the youngest buy or make a full size set of placemats having placement for plate, knife, fork and spoon. Use PLASTIC or other UNBREAKABLE dishes, keep those dishes in a cupboard where you little one(s) can get to them without problem. Keep up a steady patter of chit chat about what you are doing as well as chat about the day. PRAISE when the table is ready. 2. fold and put away their own clothes 3. feed the cat 4. set their own shoes by the front door ready for morning hustle bustle 5. spread up their own bed, true it will not have army sharp corners, but unless you are a control freak is that really necessary? 6. pick up and put away their own toys and books at the end of play time These are all simple tasks that we as adults complete if we are reasonably tidy in our own habits. Unless we parents choose to allow our kiddies to grow up and expect that 'other'in the kids' adult life ie spouse, room mate, elves in the night to accomplish these tasks for them and perhaps face a lot of resentment from that spouse or room mate, forget the elves they don't do night calls anymore, it behooves us to insure that our kiddies grow up expecting to clean up after themselves, do for themselves what they are fully capable of doing and be responsible for their daily living. AND DO NOT re do any chore, again unless you are a complete control freak does it matter that everything is not lined up in the toy box? Older children ages 5 -10 may reasonably be expected to continue with the aforementioned and add to the list some 'real' work. I did set up a chore chart ... piece of pager on the door of the refrigerator. This worked well in our house. Was ignored in my sis' and my youngest sis sighed a lot and just did everything in her household. We each have our own methods. Mine was that my kids needed jobs at home to build character and that is what I did. SIDEBAR: each of my two sisters and I are school teachers. Therefore we are/were each working moms. Each kid in my home had his expected daily tasks of set the table, tidy up your own mess, feed the cat kind of things to do along with 5 other 'once a week chores' to accomplish. I didn't care what day it was done, just so that it was done by Saturday which was the day the list was transferred to 'brother's' side of the chore chart. These rotated so that no one got all the drudge while 'he's your favorite' ended up with the fun to do. Kids between ages 5 and 10 may reasonably be expected to: 1. carry trash to the pick up bin 2. begin loading and unloading the dish washer 3. begin unloading the dryer, separating the contents into baskets 'brothers' 'moms' 'dads' 'kitchen' whatever your method might be, and putting away their own clothing 4. weeding flower beds 5. helping with canning of garden sass in summer, little ones can sort, carry lids, older ones can help with the actual preparation 6. set the table with 'the better' dishes 7. get a salad together 8. carry a list and fill a shopping cart. When my boys were younger their list consisted of 5 PICTURED items, we each had our cart and 'met in the middle' and NO they were not allowed to simply add as they chose. Older kids who are able to read can be given a written list. This is a good teaching tool.... don't waste it! My kids learned the value for using a list realize. Today they know that without one they will forget what is needed or end up with 3 of what they have already, they know too that a list helping to keep your spending in line. Kids BOYS and girls from about age 10 to leave home should be putting their own clothes into the washer and learning to run that machine. By age 12 they should have a regularly scheduled 'wash day' and be doing their own laundry without supervision. Both my sons have lived on their own since age 19 or 20, they are now 28 and 30 and neither is married yet WHO DO YOU RECKON is in charge of their laundry? Both shake their heads as they tell me they have friends who STILL pour bleach all over their clothes, etc. From age 10 forward parents can reasonably expect their child will be able to do all of the aforementioned and be adding to their involvement. By this age my boys' dad was deceased and there was only the three of us. Work was no longer a choice for Mom, our method of dealing with it was. Once a month the boys and I REALLY SHOPPED the grocery store. And we began our 'if it is chicken it must be Tuesday.' With the boys' help I prepared our 4 weeks of weekday meals. Monday became 'big rectangle casserole dish, something with hamburger, and potato, rice or pasta' day, Tuesday was 'square pan something chicken,' Wednesday was crockpot, Thursday was 'meatloaf' (and by using different recipes we had lots of variety and no complaints, Friday was left over night. Everything left over during the week was kept in small individual microwave bowls and we warmed 'em up and ate 'em up. Anything remaining was given to the chickens. I lived on the edge of Bakersfield, Ca, and we were allowed to have hens... did so simply to insure that the boys would have the discipline of feeding twice a day and gathering eggs once. SIDE BAR: Caring for another critter who is dependent upon us is a great lesson for later caring for our dependent little people. Chickens, dogs and cats rely on us for clean water, food and a safe environment, our children do the same. My oldest son began turning on the oven at age 12... electric, and placing the day's supper dish... from the freezer into same. By the time I arrived home from school supper was well on it's way to finished. We still chuckle about the day the 'chicken' ended up on Monday, my 'obsessive' personality kid was sure the sun would not rise in the morning over this terrible mistake. He learned a valuable lesson when we ate our chicken, and it was delicious, on Monday AND the sun rose right on schedule Tuesday morning. During the teen years BOYS and girls should be taught to cook at least 15 simple meals. And by the way for busy working Moms, all you really need to know for your own successful HOME COOKED meals is 25 decent, easy to prepare, dishes that your husband and kids WILL EAT recipes. HOME COOKED cost less, don't take all that much time to prepare, build MEMORIES for you and your family, give you together time while preparing and eating... Buy a couple of cookbooks offered for sale by your local church, apple society or whatever... these are the most sensible recipes in the world because they are offered by women who are like you busy, have kids and husbands, work on a budget and may not really like to cook. Women always submit recipes their family like, will eat, don't cost the mortgage to the house and they can prepare with a minimum of fuss and feathers. 25 of those recipes honed to a fine point will get you through the month every month. Saturday and Sunday can take care of themselves, Monday through Friday is the time you need those 25, either shop and get in the freezer on the first of the month or set up your list of 25 and work from 1 to 25. You will serve each dish once during the month, that is 12 times during the whole year, and no one gets tired of what you are serving. Both my adult sons cook for themselves. As my boys matured they came to have faith in their own ability, confidence that they were capable of doing many things for themselves, secure in the knowledge that they were functioning members of our family and that by everyone working together we all had a whole lot more time for fun and play. Both kids are reasonably intelligent.... 'ma ain't gonna drive us to the movie if she is spending all day Saturday doing this, that or the other...' good lesson well learned.  |
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