I admit it. I've got a big nose. It's so big that when I trim my nose hair, environmentalists picket my nostril with protest signs about forest clear-cutting. I got tired of accidentally snipping skin with scissors, so I finally bought a nose hair trimmer.

I opted for the "Sharper Image Turbo Groomer 5.0". It sounded like rocket science for nose hair. Although now I'm thinking, "Why '5.0'? Did it really take them 5 tries to get it right? And what did they get wrong the first 4 times?" It turns out, they better start working on 6.0.

Problem 1: The blades cut hair only to 1/16th of an inch. That sounds tiny, but pull out a ruler and look at 1/16th. It's not tiny. If your beard were 1/16th, it would look like a two-day growth. Scissors cut much lower. And even worse, there's only nine cutting slots (where hair goes in). They're spaced far apart, so you have to keep rotating the thing and going over the same area again and again and again.

Problem 2: The groomer has two LED lights to illuminate the area of cutting. Problem is, they aren't aimed at the area of cutting. They're aimed straight up, and they're a full inch apart. All they do is light up the outside of your nostril. That makes your eye pupils constrict, so the inside of your nostril looks even darker. I solved the problem by covering the lights with tape. But jeez... What's the point of paying extra for lights that do the opposite of what they're intended to do?

Problem 3: Bacteria. I applaud the designers for making this thing washable, but the protective cap has just four tiny holes for drying. My degree was in biology, and I can tell you that whenever you have moisture in an enclosed place (minimal air), you get bacteria throwing rave parties. If you buy this thing, don't use the protective cap for storage. Leave it off!

Problem 4: Noise. The groomer is advertised for ear hair as well as nose hair. However, the high-pitched motor/blade noise makes my ears hurt when I trim them. It also makes them ring after I'm finished, which I'm told is a sign of hearing damage. There's no way I could use the groomer for trimming ear hair.

Positive points:

The groomer takes C batteries (big ones). They last a long time. Sure, they make it heavier, but I don't spend hours grooming my nose hair (thank God). The unit has five LED indicator lights to show battery strength, but that's a bit goofy. Any device with a motor will tell you when its batteries are starting to run low -- the motor spins slower. You don't need indicator lights unless you're deaf, in which case the change in vibration will be enough.

The groomer has rubber strips for a secure grip. Good feel. Well done.

Finally, the high rpm of the blades minimizes the number of pulled hairs. (It's supposed to never pull hair, but now and then I get an ouch. But it's very seldom.)

I'm cheap, so I'll hold onto this model and use it as a first-pass for cutting, then go over things with scissors. And someday I'll add up all the time I spend keeping my nose hair trimmed and I'll have something interesting to say at cocktail parties, and for some strange reason, the women STILL won't go out with me.


Recommended: No