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HOW TO FIND ETERNAL HAPPINESS THROUGH EPINIONSMay 18 '01 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line I'll tell you the secret of life, but ya gotta read this whole thing.
When Ed Grover asked me to participate in this Write-off, I was pleased and excited. Writing is such an extension of my strangely twisted brain that, get this, I thought it would be fun. Well, aging itself can be fun. Or it can be a nightmare. But that's true of life itself, isn't it? When I complain about getting older, my husband, in his infinite wisdom, always says "it beats the alternative." Aging is just another word for living. So how hard could it be to write about? Ah, there's the rub. It's not hard, it's darned near impossible. For one thing, finding a legitimate topic in which to fit this piece took days! Days! Of my precious time! My first inclination was to write a fluff piece about being a grandmother and all that I love about the position. But I really just couldn't. Oh sure, I put down a bunch of words about some hand mixer and equated baking cakes with being a grandmother. Yada yada yada. But that's just too easy, and it's not me. More importantly, it has little to do with aging. (But it did fit nicely in the kitchen appliances section.) So after nights of tossing and turning about where to put my opus I settled on Business. You are asking, "Nobody_knows, what lead you to this ridiculous decision?" Allow me to elucidate: In my second paragraph I equated aging to life. Now in this society, work has become an extension of life. Work = Business = Jobs. This here treatise is about aging/living; my particular take on the subject is that we all have a particular job to do, throughout the process of aging. Are you with me so far? Well, catch up. I'll wait. . . . . Ding! Time's up, pencils down. We've established a link between Aging (the subject of this Write-off) and Business (the subject under which I had hoped to submit my creation). Wait, wait. Back up. There was no place in Business where this jewel could be placed. Back to square one, tossing and turning all night, and great beads of sweat welling up on my poor old forehead. This here piece has taken me almost 58 years to work up to, not to mention plenty of time at the keyboard setting down my thoughts. (I feel my carpal tunnels narrowing even now. . .) Enter my not-yet-aged, wiser daughter Shari (a.k.a. wickedgood). We sat before her computer and stared at screen after screen and finally settled on General Comments. So now you've been totally informed about how difficult it can be just to settle on a topic. All you new Epinioners, take notice. Unless you are writing about a particular product - be aware that you may have a difficult time placing it. Now, can I go on with my rant - er - I mean - composition? Please? (Boy! The hoops through which Epinions makes you jump just to write a little essay.) Aging is the process which - in the absence of disease - enriches your thought processes while destroying your corporeal self. In my case there isn't much of either to be concerned with, but I do miss some of the bodily functions which no longer come as easily (check those smutty thoughts right here and now, Buster, I'm not talking about those functions - I am talking about things like turning cartwheels, doing hand stands, stuff like that). Paradoxically, as my brain starts to grasp the previously ungraspable, I realize that the young'uns out there do not appreciate my newly found wisdom. They consider me an old fart. Well, too bad for them. I really am learning the meaning of life. And if you are wise enough to listen I'll tell you: Your job in life is to be happy. Let me repeat: Your job in life is to be happy. No, I didn't think that one up. It comes from no less than the Dalai Lama himself. My hairdresser's neighbor's grandfather's nurse's uncle Max heard it from his sister-in-law who was told by her mailman who got it straight from a close personal friend. Honest. (Naw I'm only kidding. A friend of mine spoke with the Dalai Lama and he told her - but it sounds funnier the first way). It's simple and complex all at once. Don't you love it? But wait - being happy is not the same thing as having everything you want. It's not something you can buy, not an SUV or a certain brand of beer or fast food. It's a state of mind that usually takes years to develop. It involves the feelings of others, because (wait for the drum roll please) . . . . . No Man - or Woman - is an Island. We all have to live together, on the same planet. So it's not so simple after all. What makes you happy? Is it wearing a neck tie and going to an office? Great. Then that's the job for you. (Or does an office job provide you with the quickest and best way of assuring future happiness? That's okay, too.) Is it playing music or writing poetry or gardening or sailing? Well, there you are. Go be happy. Happiness for you may depend on kow-towing to another - spouse, child, parent, boss, higher authority - a decision each person must make for his or her self. In that case, my advice is to be damned sure you do your best to please that other - because when you delegate the power of happiness, you give up certain freedoms. I should probably explain that the previous sentence could relate to a human higher authority and/or a spiritual one. It makes no difference - the statement is still valid. (Okay, here's an example: If a woman decides to put her happiness in the hands of someone else - husband, lover, whoever - she cannot expect that person to make her happy just because she wants it. She can't nag or yell or cry for her partner to make her happy and then blame him for making her miserable. See? She's more likely to get her partner's cooperation if she puts her energy into pleasing said partner. In any case, she makes the mistake of expecting someone other than herself to do her job, which is - all together now - Being Happy.) Of course, the one snag in all this is: once you have aged sufficiently, you die. Hmmmm. What's wrong with this picture? Well humans have come up with all sorts of explanations for this technicality, but I favor the thought that once we have learned to be happy, we move on to something else - whether it's a new challenge or a just reward, or whatever, I won't know that until I get there. And for those who die before they find happiness, well, that's not my problem. I'm happy now and ready to move on when the time comes. While everyone has to find her or his own form of happiness, let me share with you my personal sources of true happiness - which have taken me almost 58 years to discover. I am happy: being in nature; gardening; interacting with family, ferrets and friends; sharing an incredible life and love with Pip (winner of the best husband in the world award); doing things that make others happy; whistling; singing; watching others be happy; playing or working on the computer; reading; watching good movies/videos/DVD's; listening to a wide variety of music; cooking; enjoying a nice glass of wine; RRCing - Reading, Rating and Commenting - on Epinions. (Thank you, Fiona, a.k.a. Nathsmom, for inventing that brilliant acronym.) There. That's my job description! Isn't it great? I love it! If what I have just written sounds like something that would make you happy, I must warn you, there are a few little details I've left out. This applies only to me. You who are reading this must find your own personal paths to happiness. But, I will share with you the more difficult side of finding happiness, which, in my case, was only discovered through the Aging process. It took me longer than most to discover that I was happier assuming responsibility than turning from it. I also learned that I didn't need many of the "normal" things that a large part of the people in the U.S. aren't willing to give up (all the trappings of middle class - extensive wardrobe, expensive furniture, fancy house, fancy cars, things like that). I learned, over time, that trying to fit a mold I wasn't meant to fit caused me great unhappiness, and in the end, it didn't work anyway. The old "marching to the beat of a different drummer" is a perfect description of me - but it was a struggle to come to terms with this. What I had to learn was this: Kill your television. Stop reading ads in magazines or on computer screens or billboards, pay them no attention on radio or in the theater. And for God's sake stop with this insane "Product Loyalty" cr@p. Big business isn't your friend. Ads don't inform. Life is meant to be experienced, not purchased. There is no product in this world that can make you happier or smarter or sexier. The commercial products for which we epinioneers work like slaves (with fewer rewards) are nothing. Forget about keeping up with the Jones's and worry about finding your own happiness. Don't ever listen to people who tell you they have the secret to make you: thin, rich, popular, etc. etc. - only you have those powers, and you don't have to conform to the standards of anyone but yourself. (No, I don't buy lottery tickets, nor do I wonder about what might be - I'm too busy dealing with what is.) As a parent, I have found that once I allowed myself to give my children unconditional love and total forgiveness (we all need forgiveness, don't kid yourself) a great weight was lifted from my shoulders. As much as anything, that has contributed to a life of happiness for me and my family. Two final secrets to happiness: tolerance and acceptance of change. No matter how good your life is, it will not provide you happiness if you spend your time hating things, people, practices or just about anything. Instead of reacting in a knee-jerk way, take the time to learn about that which you know little or nothing. You may lose a few useless prejudices along the way, and that will certainly free up your ability to find happiness in your life. I try to stay clear of cliches, but Alcoholics Anonymous has a motto which makes good sense in your quest for happiness; we all need the strength to change that which can be changed, the patience to accept that which cannot be changed, and the wisdom to know the difference. As with all secrets, this may seem simple on the surface, but look deeper, take the time to study and truly understand all the implications. A much wiser man, Robert Green Ingersol, in his work Creed, defined happiness in much less judgmental words: Justice is the only worship. Love is the only priest. Ignorance is the only slavery. Happiness is the only good. The time to be happy is now, The place to be happy is here, The way to be happy is to make others so. DISCLAIMER: I understand that this site depends on advertising to stay in business, and if I'm not mistaken, we all know about the dog who bit the hand that fed it. At a penny a rating, Epinions doesn't fill my stomach, but it sure feeds my soul - reading the wonderfulness that comes from the keyboards of so many gifted writers. When I'm out of sorts, turning to Epinions is a long cold drink of fresh water. But I tend to avoid the articles about products - just as I avoid all advertisements. Okay, I'm guilty of shilling for "The Man" on a few occasions, a fact that does not make me proud; and when I absolutely need to buy something, I do check out Epinions to help me make a decision. There is much fine writing about movies books, travel and music, as well as the "public service" pieces, about families, Epinions in general, all that good stuff. Epinions has a large number of writers whose personalities come shining through everything they write. Would that I could list them all! So we'll make an exception for Epinions' ads. After all, Epinions is part of my own personal recipe for happiness. If this piece seems Off Topic to you, I apologize and I'm prepared to pay the consequences. Epinions refused to open a category on Aging when Ed asked them nicely. (Hey, Epinions, there are lots of products relating to aging which could be evaluated by us older folks. Hint, hint.) So this submission has been slightly folded, spindled and mutilated to "fit" in the General Comments section. Now, what other questions do you have for me? Here at The Home I'm known as the Answer Lady - an answer for every question. Honest. Ask me anything. This review is a part of an Aging Write-Off hosted by ed_grover. Originally planned to celebrate Older Americans Month during May, it was opened up to everyone, anywhere, because of America's reputation as a melting pot. We are celebrating the member diversity found on the Epinions.com site. Please join the following participants from Canada, the UK and the USA who are celebrating Aging with everything from humor to more serious subjects. The following good people have a lot more important things to say on this subject, and are all characters in their own right - wait, I mean they have great personalities. Gee Whiz, that isn't what I mean either. Just go check ?em out. AdaDavis, Angelabar, argonut, Aruzenchin, BeeCharmer, bleuchance, Bluehawq, Dave_Corbit, ed_grover, egab01, eplovejoy, fjbpab, frazzledspice, Free2Be, hadassahchana, jankp, jo.com, julliette, KateTPZ, kurt_messick, Lisa_J, LordBalfor, Macondo, MrsNormanMain, Nfp, Nobody_knows, Prepoia, pambo, phineaskc, prettyinpink, psychovant, scmrak, Stephen_Murray, Straight-up, tekki, wanbi_gleska, Wovengold. Angelabar has designed a special Web page for this write-off that will make accessing the participants much easier. It is located at: http://www.pronetisp.net/~anjuliz/older_american.html  |
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