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Stepchildren - walking on thin ice.May 25 '01 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line Parent's please watch for changes in your child and other signs that something may be wrong and try to understand their feelings.
As a Social Worker I have worked with several stepparents for various reasons. The word “stepparent” can carry negative overtones of hatred and deprivation. Unfortunately when working with the Department of Human Resources the majority of the stepparents I usually encounter make the horrible myths a reality. Women usually take the rap for of being referred to, as the wicked stepmother like Cinderella while men are stared at liked pedophiles. While a stepmother may see herself as June Cleaver from the perennially popular sitcom about the joys and travails of childhood in the 1950s. The children may see a different picture. They see “Mommie Dearest” just like the one played by actor Faye Dunaway's in her over-the-top portrayal of the ultimate control-freak in 1981 movie. Then there are stepfathers like the one described in Cynthia Voight’s 1994 book, “When She Hollers.” Voight’s book chronologs a day in the life of a teenage girl who is the victim of incestuous rape by stepfather. It’s sad when these horror stories and myths become realities in a child’s life. As always confidentially is essential to Social Work practice, therefore the case descriptions I’m going to describe has been altered in name and in other particulars so as to preserve the anonymity of my clients without distorting the essential reality of their experience. Fifteen years old Sarah’s parents had divorced and remarried when she was thirteen years old. Although Sarah loved her natural father she didn’t like his rules and consistently begged to stay with her mother and stepfather who lived two hours away. Sarah’s wish was finally granted and she moved in with her natural mother and stepfather. In the beginning Sarah enjoyed the extra freedom she thought she won. She was allowed to hang out with her friends late, she smoked a little marijuana and did a little under age drinking thinking that this was the life she wanted to live. It began one night when she came home intoxicated sneaking into her bedroom after being dropped off by her boyfriend. Sarah reports the abuse began that night with her stepfather foundling her under her pajamas. Sarah said she thought it was a dream and simply lay in bed assuming that she was under the influence of alcohol. When it happened the next night when Sarah did not drink any alcohol she knew her assumed dream had become a real nightmare. This went on several nights with Sarah simply laying in bed in silence and fear. The next day Sarah told her boyfriend who told his father who eventually called the high school and informed the principle. The school notified Social Services and I was assigned the case. I met a typical teenager who thought she was more grown up the she was. When Sarah and I began talking she admitted that she was angry with her parents for divorcing and was unhappy about her predicament. She expressed that she was responsible for the separation of her parents and it was her fault that her stepfather was touching her. As a Social Worker I knew I could not solve all of her problems with the short amount of time I would be working with her, but understanding and concern would go a long way. Sarah sadly admitted that she was ashamed of her drinking and marijuana use and did not want to tell anyone about her stepfather foundling her because she feared hearing, “I told you so.” Sarah was reunited with her biological father and is in counseling. Her stepfather denied any misconduct and her natural mother did not believe or support her daughter’s account of what happened stating, “Sarah was a wild child when she moved in with us, she only came to my house to drink, do drugs and hang out with those wild boys.” Ultimately the allegations of sexual abuse could not be proven and charges were dismissed due to a lack of evidence. It all boiled down to Sarah the troubled teen words against her Stepfather a respected businessman. After every thing came to light Sarah informed me of her feelings stating, “I never wanted to cause any problems, I was just afraid if I reached out to someone about my life, I would get hurt.” The intent of this opinion was to shed a little light on one of the dark issues stepchildren face. Some stepchildren wonder what’s going to break first, them or the thin ice they’re skating on. It’s their biological mother, biological father, stepmother, and stepfather that they have to be careful around. In Sarah’s case despite the fact that she wanted additional freedoms she still needed guidance, supervision and protection. Her natural mother abandoned her emotionally in her time of need choosing her new husband over her natural child also producing thin ice. What she didn’t need was the inappropriate and pedophilic behavior of her stepfather cracking the ice. A wise parent will watch for changes in their child and other signs that something may be wrong and try to understand their child’s inner feelings. I highly recommend hnnygrlca opinions located at the following URL: http://www.epinions.com/content_1525325956  |
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