Helping your student get through tough times Jun 06 '01    Write an essay on this topic. Tweet The Bottom Line . You don't need me to tell you that college is a big transition period. Young adults who may have never moved, or left their families go off into the world of dorm life and lots of new responsibilities. To top it off, they may not even be completely sure they're at the right place. Even if it all added up at first, you never really know if something is right for you until you try it out. It is rare that a college student will not go through a time when they reach proverbial rough waters. Even a well adjusted student at the right school will, at some point, face stress or frustrations that build up too quickly. What is a concerned parent to do? First of all, realize that all problems have a root. Vague reasoning for being upset are only indications that the student is unaware of the problems, or that they don't want to face them head on. The best thing you can do is what you've been doing all along. Remember when your kid had an awful teacher in middle school? Maybe they didn't want to go to school. What did you do? You talked to them, listened to their concerns. Then you helped them find solutions, based on your wisdom. Well, college student are just grown up kids facing a bigger host of things to overcome. You don't need to have graduated college to understand- you have lots of wisdom from just having lived and it will help a lot. So do what you've been doing all along, find out what the problem is, empathize, and then work with your student to find solutions that'll help them get past the obstacle, whatever it may be. Of course, none of this is nearly as easy it sounds. Problems can range from academics, to the living situation, to work, to social matters, and everything in between. Your best bet is to try to stay tuned to all of these aspects the best you can. For example, if all you hear about the first month is how great the dorms are, but by the end of the semester you hear nothing, it might indicate a growing dissatisfaction with that situation. Of course it also might just say "I've settled in". You know your kid, and in this case go from their answer. (Or lack thereof.) Within each "category" are several other "subcategories". Classes could be too hard, or too easy. A schedule which is too heavy will cause undue stress whereas a schedule lacking in challenge will leave most students feeling strangely restless and unfufilled. Colleges are ready to help your student in any way they can, at least a large majority of the time. It's easy to forget that though, in the chaos of moving in, getting acquainted, starting classes, finding activities, learning to budget, and so forth. You can help your student a lot by talking and helping them find answers, however you want them to develop a healthy sense of independance as well. In the process of helping your young adult find answers, don't forget the resources a school can provide! While you know your kid best, the school knows the college situation best, and together any problem can be overcome. Be familiar with your student's school. Know what sort of resources they offer. Schools have consulers to speak with, and it's not at all uncommon for freshmen to need them at some point or another. Since everyone is running different schedules, your student need not be ashamed to make appointments and really use this resource. And since they are close by, they offer something quite different than a phone call home. They can also diagnose depression, eating disorders, and other such problems, as well as recommend the best possible course of treatment. Speaking of depression, don't jump to conclusions! It is definately normal to be concerned, but remember that symptoms frequently show up on their own as a product of stress or something else. In other words, don't take depression lightly. But don't assume it just because your student isn't happy. Go through the list in your head as you talk with them, or read their emails. Don't be afraid to make suggestions. They can be rejected but usually it's really welcome. Sometimes, for example, academics are depressing because the student went to a small school and was the one of the smartest in their class. But upon coming to college, they realize that they're not "special" anymore in terms of intellegence. Or perhaps they just don't really know how to study. Once again, knowing what resources are available at school will really help you help your student. It's ok not to be able to help completely! Talking does a lot, but part of college is learning how to deal with things on one's own too. By talking through the issues, and then recommending somewhere a student can go within their school for further assistance, you do many things other than just help! And don't forget that sometimes a trip home does wonders.

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