Teenage Years Are The Worst!
Jun 07 '01
The Bottom Line If you are having a frustrating time raising your teen, just stick with it because there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Some of you might think that I should not even be writing an epinion in this category. The reason for that is because I have never raised a teenager; in fact I do not even have children of my own. I am writing this epinion because I feel that my parents did a really good job in raising me the way that they did. I would like to tell you what worked for me, and what did not work.
About Me
Let me start off by giving you a little background about myself. I am the youngest child out of the four children my parents had. I have one older brother and two older sisters. I have always been very little growing up, for the longest time I was always the shortest girl in my grade. I always thought that I was blessed and sometimes cursed for being the baby of the family. The blessings were that I was the baby so, of course, I am not the guinea pig child and my parents are more lenient with me. The curses were that I was the baby so, of course, my three siblings always picked on me and they would always win. Plus I was always the last one to experience things, such as I was the last one to learn how to drive.
Spanking
This is a very controversial subject with many people. I can tell you that I do believe in spanking because sometimes it is necessary. I do not feel every time your child is misbehaving that they should be spanked, but I do feel that it helps children to realize who really is in charge. I was spanked as a child, not as often as my siblings were, but I was still spanked. The reason why I was not spanked as often as my siblings is for two reasons. The first reason was that I did, believe it or not, learn from my siblings’ mistakes. If they got spanked I would always find out why so that I could avoid being spanked at all costs. My siblings got spanked a lot for lying, so I learned how to be honest and sometimes that was the hardest thing to do. The second reason is being that I am a very sensitive girl, if someone yells at me it literally has the same effect as someone spanking me. My parents realized this trait about me quite early in my life and used this technique instead of spanking me. There were times that I did get spanked though, just not too often. To this day I cannot remember the last time that I was spanked. My siblings were spanked more often because yelling did not mean anything to them. They were more rebellious than I was and they would just tune out my parents when they would lecture them. My parents realized this too, which is why they started spanking them. Most of the time my siblings would get grounded because they would brag about how when my Mother spanked them it didn’t hurt, so my Mother started grounding them from the things they loved to do most. I know of a few people that never discipline their children, and as they grow up their behavior gets worse and worse. If you start disciplining your children at a young age, then when they reach the teenage years you will still have some control.
Yelling at Children
To this day I still do not like being yelled at. I see mothers in the grocery store and they do not talk to their children, they yell at them instead. If all you do is yell at your children then they will just get used to it and think that is your “normal” way to speak. There are definitely reasons to yell at your children and I will list one example. If your child is in your driveway and he/she wanders off into the road, then you turn around and see your child in the road I would yell at them to “GET OUT OF THE STREET RIGHT NOW.” If you are constantly yelling at your child they might take their time getting off the road or even worse they might just ignore you because you yelling is not a big deal to them anymore. Whereas, if you do not yell often and yell at your children for being the road they will take you seriously. Of course, as soon as they get out of the road it would probably be wise to explain why you yelled at them in the first place.
Do you know where your teen is?
I did not understand it at the time, but my Mother always had to know where I was going and with whom. If I was not sure where I was going I could not leave the house until I knew for sure. I hated this rule because why can’t I just go somewhere without my Mother knowing my whereabouts. I am thankful that my Mother asked so many questions now because let’s face it, teenagers are very curious about life in general. I always told my Mother the truth with where I was going and with whom. She always had to meet my friends before I was allowed to stay at their house, or even go out with them. If I was riding in the car with someone she had to meet the driver and the driver had to have been driving for at least six months. I am grateful that she set that rule down because teenagers are very reckless when they first start driving. Especially when there is someone else in the car with them, which can be very distracting to a teen. I never experimented with any kind of drug when I was a teenager and I have my parents to thank for that. They showed me that they cared by wanting to know where I was all the time. I am not saying that this technique will work with every child, but it did work for me.
We can be mean!
As I look back at my adolescent years I must say that I was pretty mean, mostly to my Mother. My best advice is do not take anything your teen says to heart. Seriously, we have so many emotions going through our bodies and so many changes. Going from the middle school to the HUGE high school was a big step for me, it was very stressful and I took a lot of that out on my Mother. I lost my best friend my sophomore year because of not being in any of her classes so I was without someone to confide in for awhile. No matter how distant your teen seems to get from you do not give up on your relationship with him/her. I would distance myself a lot and my Mother would come to my room and just sit and ask me how my day was. She would take me to movies or out to dinner and that was nice. She showed me that she really did care what was going on in my life. Do not just talk to your teen to tell them that they have to clean their room, maybe just ask how their day was and then later ask them if they would pick up a few things in their room. Boys can relate more to their dads and girls can relate more to their moms, so moms don’t get frustrated if your son doesn’t talk to you like your daughter does. Also, do not let your teenager get away with talking back to you, once they do it once and you let them get away with it, it will probably happen again and again until the teen feels that he/she is in charge.
Take us aside
If you need to yell at your teen in front of their friends then please please please take them aside or go back to talk to them about it later. It can be so embarrassing to have a parent yell at you or be condescending.
Grounding - - does it work?
I was never grounded in my life, and you might find that amazing. One my friends from high school, her senior year she got grounded for three months so I don’t think you can be too old to be grounded, I guess it just depends on the circumstances. My friend did something really bad, which is why her punishment was for three months. Grounding works for people that have active teens. If your teen likes to stay home, then I would find something else to ground them from, for example the computer. Do not try to be your teen’s best friend. Set early curfews, yeah they will throw fits, but you have to show that you are still in charge. Do not let your teen get away with everything!
Responsibility
Teach your teen the responsibility of money; make them start paying for their own stuff. I told my parents that I am glad that they did not buy me a car like most of my friends got, because they do not care about their car at all and they trash it. I treat my car like a baby because I paid for every cent of it. You learn to appreciate things more if you pay for it. I would not make them pay for everything because let’s face it most of the jobs for teenagers are minimum wage positions. My parents made me pay for my insurance when I started driving. If I could not afford insurance then I just waited to get my license until I could afford it. I paid for any extras, such as clothing and shoes. They let me use their car for a little while, but then I bought my own car after working for a year.
Overall
Stick with it. Your teen will get over his/her teenage years with time; it just takes a lot of patience on the parent’s part. There will be heartache, but you will also have your good moments as well. I was lucky as a child; my parents introduced me to Jesus Christ at a very early age. I guess from then on I never wanted to get into anything bad, such as drugs, I just wanted to serve Jesus. Good luck with your teenager, if you have one, I do not know how my Mother remained sane through four of her children going through teenager years.
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Epinions.com ID:
g0ld
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Member: Brian Wesley
Location: Alliance, Ohio
Reviews written: 20
Trusted by: 48 members
About Me:
Jesus is Lord! Brian and Jenny both write epinions here!
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