Not All It's Cracked Up to Be Jun 09 '01    Write an essay on this topic. Tweet The Bottom Line Encourage and support, but don't baby your college kids. Teach them to be responsible for their actions. My daughter has just returned from her freshman year in college. Her grades were pretty good, but I thought we'd both be insane by the end of the year. My daughter found out that living three hours from home just wasn't all it was cracked up to be. Let me backtrack by saying that for more than a year prior to her leaving for school, all I heard every day was how she couldn't wait to move out of the house. College was going to be so "cool" because she wouldn't have to answer to anyone but herself. She could come and go as she pleased and not have to be accountable for her actions. Welcome to the real world! My daughter learned after a very few weeks that she really had it made at home. No longer did she enjoy the luxury of eating three home cooked meals per day--all choices she liked. She was now at the mercy of what was available and how much it cost. If the school food wasn't what she wanted, could she afford to go elsewhere to eat? For awhile she did, but she soon learned that her food budget was eating up her gas and truck payment budget, and before long she had no vehicle to drive. All the while she called me at home, crying and saying she just couldn't continue to live like this. The writing was on the wall. It was now perfectly evident to my husband and I that we had spoiled our daughter rotten, and in doing so had done her no favors. She was inadequately prepared to live in this new real world. Our first course of action was to explain that to her. She didn't like how that sounded, and so for the next few weeks, rather than daily crying and whining on the telephone, we received the silent treatment. Although it did cut our phone bill significantly, it was disturbing to not have any contact with her. But when she resumed the contact, there seemed to be a slight hint of appreciation in her voice. We continued this method throughout the rest of the year. We constantly offered emotional support. We sent things that she needed to have. But many of her "wants" went unsatisfied. Now that she's home, we've been re-introduced to a different person. She is appreciative of the meals, the hot showers, her own bedroom, and access to many luxuries (like Cable TV) that she'd gone without while being away. She has also re-assessed her scholastic goals, and decided that her degree could be completed just as easily and just as adequately at a college nearer to home. (We had of course tried to convince her of this a year ago!) So this fall, we expect our college sophomore may be living right here with us. She'll go to school locally and save us bundles of money, as paying out-of-state tuition was nearly double what in-state tuition would be. I think the lessons she learned this year were hard ones. Sometimes I think they were as hard on me as they were on her. But they were necessary ones, and she has come away from them a much stronger, more compassionate young woman. She doesn't take as much for granted. Parents, I urge you to help your college age kids in whatever ways you can, but keep in mind the lessons we learned. If you don't allow them to learn to help themselves, and to make their own choices--whether good or bad--they'll not have the opportunity to grow. And growth is the parent's reward!

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