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Life through mailorderJun 14 '01 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line MY picks for the best punk rock albums are correct. YOUR picks are wrong. They have no merit. The music you've been listening to all your life sucks.
Before I get into this a little history. Punk seems so fractured into specific scenes in the U.S. that I feel that in order for you to appreciate my list you need to know where I’m coming from. I was born in Boston and lived there until I was 15 at which time my parents, in their finite wisdom, decided to move to St. Croix in the U.S.V.I. If you don’t know where that is, that’s ok, absolutely nothing of interest has ever happened there and never will. Suffice it to say that this is as close to being stuck on a desert island as anyone should ever get. It might be a fun fantasy, but trust me…the reality blows! Thus from the age of 15 through to the age of 19 (when I finally left the Rock) all of the exposure to punk rock I got was through the wonderful world of Mail Order Catalogs! Having only a few tattered copies of MRR to work with I was able to purchase what I felt was some of the finest music ever made. Although, being the only punk stuck on an island in the middle of the Caribbean meant I was the only one around who could appreciate it. Oh yeah, I was stuck there from ’86 till ’90. So without further annoyance here is my slightly Boston tinged list of the greatest punk rock I ever bought through the mail…. 10. Bad Brains – Live at the Paradiso (Caroline) – The Bad Brains are the best all around hardcore band ever. I knew I wanted a Bad Brains record on my list, but couldn’t decide which one to put on there. This one has all the great songs plus captures a little bit of the ferocity that was a Bad Brains live show. Some bands are unable to replicate the intensity of their studio efforts on stage and for a while (having never seen them play) I thought that the Bad Brains must be one of them. Dr. Know plays so many notes so fast I thought “There’s no way he could do that the same way twice!” This record proved me wrong. Highly recommended. 9. Kraut – The Movie (New Red Archives) – When I bought this record I knew very little about Kraut and even less about NYC hardcore/punk. That’s the kind of shot in the dark you end up taking when you order from a two year old, smudged, poorly photocopied catalog run out of somebody’s basement. Luckily, this turned out to be one of the best “blind faith” discoveries I ever made. Great rockin’ punk rock songs recorded right on the cusp of the hardcore revolution. You can tell by listening to this that the Cro-Mags are right around the corner, but when Kraut was around there was nothing like that happening yet. Energy, humor, and catchy tunes make for a great record. 8. Dead Kennedy’s – Bedtime for Democracy (Alternative Tentacles) – It’s so hard to pick the best DK’s record ever. I picked this one because it was one of two records to survive 1989’s hurricane “Hugo” and thus earn a special place in my heart. Plus it came with a weird zine about Cali politics or something and that great plastic flimsy 45 with “buzzbomb” on it. Fostered a healthy disrespect for authority that keeps me from succeeding to this day! “Countdown / get ready for the blast off / but don’t forget the hype / we’re going into space…” Very cool. 7. Hardcore Breakout USA – Various (New Red Archives) – Buying compilations is the best way to get exposed to a new band if you’re living somewhere that there is no scene. I ordered this one off a large half page ad on the back cover of an ’89 Maximum Rock n’ Roll for something like $10. That’s TWO records, one on CLEAR VINAL, delivered to my PO box for TEN LOUSY DOLLARS! One of the greatest bargains in punk history, this was a sort of “label roster” comp for NRA. There where some classics on it though. Kraut, Crucial Youth, Samiam, UK Subs…man, what a great couple of records. And they did their job too, I would go on to pick up some 7” put out by these bands, but for some reason they never sounded as good as they did on this comp. Hmmm… 6. Ramones – Ramones Mania (one of the majors I think) – Seeing as how I’ve got to limit my picks here I’m choosing “Ramones Mania” as my token Ramones album because with it you get the most bang for your buck. The Ramoes were a great rock n’ roll band with originality no other American band can touch. Plus the combination of in your face punk rawk with bubble gum pop never gets old. Actually it does get old (fast) but not if the Ramones are doing it! 5. Minor Threat – Discography (Discord) – Before this came out all the Minor Threat I owned was a tape of a tape of a tape that someone once found in the inside pocket of a jacket bought from the GoodWill. When this one came out though I couldn’t wait to send my $12 to Discord. Along with the Bad Brains, one of the greatest Hardcore bands ever. I used to drive around getting really drunk and stoned listening to Ian sing about what a looser I was. Fun! 4. Splapshot – Back on the Map (TAANG!) – “Straight edge…in your face!” Slapshot was Boston’s strongest entry into the sXe arena and one of my favorite hardcore bands. I was really torn on this one, “Sudden Death Overtime” was really big in Boston when I finally came back in ’90, but that one had a little too much “metal polish” in the production. Plus there’s just something about Choke’s ape-like voice belting out lyrics clearly written by a teenager. “’Everybody does it / Why shouldn’t I?’ / ‘Cause it’s SICK!” You can’t argue with logic like that. 3. Fear – The Record (Virgin maybe..?) – Now I know you’re all wondering “Gee Mr. Str8PooP two straight edge records in a row! Does the Str8 mean that YOU are straight edge?” The answer is, of course not! Straight edge is stoopid and only stoopid people are straight edge. Idiot. Anyway here’s a band that is most defiantly not sXe. The music Fear made is the purest embodiment of punk rock. It is threatening, loud, poorly played and beer soaked. Just like me! “Living in the City”, “More beer” plus the extra special bonus track make this album great. 4 stars. 2. There is no future, the history of “No Future” – Various (No Future) – The other hurricane surviving record in my collection, The History of No Future is all the British punk you’ll ever need. One listen to this and you’ll be wondering why you ever liked the Sex Pistols in the first place. The label was around at a time when there were a lot of disenchanted youth in England willing to let anyone who’d listen know that “Punk’s Not Dead!” Great bands like Exploited, G.B.H., Channel 3, and the Blitz make this one the SECOND best punk rock compilation ever produced. 1. This is Boston not L.A. – Various (Modern Method) – If you are from Boston then this record MUST be at the top of you list. Only the finest in early ‘80’s hardcore. Gang Green, Jerry’s Kids, The Freeze…some of the best goddamn music ever recorded. Every band here is a winner. I was tempted to list individual records by some of them, but why not bring along every band in one nice little package? The sad thing is that outside of Boston this record isn’t very well known, or if it is, not appreciated the way it should be. If you’ve never heard “Broken Bones” by the Freeze or “Kill a Commie” by Gang Green at their most primal sounding, change your life and GET THIS RECORD!  |
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