|
|
We must give time, we must give love.Jun 14 '01 Write an essay on this topic.
Popular Products in Building Supplies
The Bottom Line We must give time, for it is the most difficult, yet important thing we can to to care for our aging parents.
I must admit, that I have learned how NOT to take care of aging parents, from a person that I love very much: my dad. I have also learned HOW to take care of aging parents from another person that I love very much: my mom. And I must say, that my own parents are in their mid-60's; and from observing the behavior, actions and results of these two people, I will know how to take care of my parents when they get "old." First--what is old? I actually prefer not to use that particular word; I prefer to say "older." For our society has stereotyped the word "old" to make us see a picture of a person who is both mentally and physically incapable of, well, very little. I find this not to be true. What I find to be true, is that as we get older, we may be able to do less physically, but that somehow most older people are more mentally aware than when they were younger. This is as a result of living; of knowing more, experiencing more, seeing more things, being more places, knowing more people...I feel that the older we get, the brighter we get. So, in most cases, the care that older parents need, is more on the physical aspect; and yet as a society we try to help them more on a mental aspect. We tend to treat older people as children; telling them what to do, where to go; what choices they must make. This is ridiculous. They know more that we, as younger people know. What we should be doing, is assisting them in physically getting the needs met that they most likely know they need. Let me state a few examples, going back to the four people that I have just mentionned. My dad's mom was a stay at home mom. She was one of the kindest, most generous, loving people I have ever known. She always took enormous care of herself as well...always looking absolutely beautiful. She is one of the most important people in my life, for I always wanted to be like her: so kind, so lovely. In her early 60's she fell, hurt her back, and was given pain killers. She eventually got addicted to the pills, because the pain never went away, and because I honestly felt she was not given the proper therapy. What I truly believe she needed from her son (my dad...as well as his 2 sisters), was more physical assistance in getting places; more time to ask what she needed, and more time in helping her with her needs: shopping, trips to the doctor, visits with friends, etc. Instead, they ignored her, and allowed her to take pills and do things on her own. As long as they did not have to help her, if it was the pain killers that go her to do things on her own, that seemed fine to her. Now, I was only 15 when this happened, and although I tried to talk to my dad, he did not listen. He is a good man, who in my eyes, needed to be there for his mom, and not allow her to live in the enormous cycle of pain and pills that she lived with for the next 15 years. She eventually died of cancer, but I always believed it was more of a broken heart. She needed more time and help than she got. The beautiful woman with blonde hair and makeup, died crumbled on a hospital bed, frail and white. My dad told me how much he regretted what he did, by not being there; and that when she died, it was one of the few times he cried uncontrollably. He cried from her loss, he cried from his regrets. When my mother's mom had a stroke and had total loss of her right side, it was devistating to my mom. My grandmother was a great woman. She was very strong willed. She took care of herself, but was always more interested in having a great time. She adored being with her family and friends, and was always on the go. She was much less of a "homebody" than my other grandmother, so when she could not move on her own, it totally ruined her. How could she dance? How could she cook? She had been living alone, and actually requested to be put in a nursing home where some of her friends were. She loved it there, for she was not alone. My mom worked full time. She went to visit her every day, taking her lunch hour to make these visits, and always helping her in whatever she needed...often times, just to take her for a walk (for she was in a wheel chair). Several years after her stroke, she lost her leg (on the other side), to diabetes. The only way she could do anything for herself was with her left hand..and she did. She was moved to another nursing home, 15 minutes further from my mom's work. The visits did not stop. They were not always easy. My grandmother was a demanding woman, and always seemed to get her way. But because my mom was there for her, she remained happy until her death, in her sleep, of "old age." My memories of my dad's mom are of an amazing woman who did a tragic death, with a family who loved her but gave her little time. They somehow did not know, that part of loving someone, is giving time. I remember her death with sadness, for the end of her life was, so sad. My memories of my mom's mom are of an amazing woman who died peacefully in her sleep, and not alone. She died with her family by her side. My mom tried so hard to get my dad to give more time to his mom, but he did not. I know it is frightening to see someone you love, change. I know it takes enormous courage to get over the fact that the person who took care of you for so long, now needs you to take care of them; that you must respect their wishes and treat them with the same respect that you did when you were a child, for they are still your parents..even though they may not 'seem' the same. Time is so hard to give. But it is the most important thing we must give. It is a gift that we must continue to give, even though it may not be all that easy. "Older" parents need us. They need us to be there for them as they lose some of the abilities they had when they were younger. They need us to give them time. We cannot judge them or tell them what to do. They are our parents. We must continue to respect them, and their wishes, no matter how much we may not want to. They have given to us, so much love and time and as they get older, they need more in return. It is part of the cycle of life. We must, as children, assure that our parents are taken care. I truly believe that we must give, because we have been lucky enough to receive...we must always give back. I have seen 2 amazing women: one got older with nothing left but one arm; yet always laughter in her heart and always surrounded by her children. I have seen another woman get older in pain and often alone, although there were people around who could have cared more for her. I promised myself a long time ago that I would always care for my parents by giving them the gift of time that I have seen first hand is so important. And I hope, that as a mom of 2 children myself; that I have set, and will continue to set, an example of how important giving time is to those we love; and how extra important it is to give, when it can often be the most difficult. I hope that they know that getting older is a wonderful thing; and that older people are wise and that they are wonderful; that they need us around as much as possible. That older people, older parents, need more than anything else our time, and our love.  |
| Read all comments (3)|Write your own comment |
|
Ads by Google
|
