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Joining a club (or, why epinions is no different than joining any club or community)Jun 20 '01 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line Trying to join a club? Meet new people? Get more respect? It's harder than you think, but worth it in the end.
OK. So here I am. A newbie. This is my very first epinion. I fully expect to be...what? Openly welcomed? Soundly rejected? I don't know. I've never done this before. So here goes... It's scary writing your first Epinion I've read a lot here. Some of the stuff is from obviously well respected epinionators. Other stuff is from people who have not had the same amount of luck. You can tell. The good stuff always sounds authoritative and concise, whereas the stuff from the lower rated people sounds...well...petulant. I have read that established members work hard to not allow new members in. That, at least, is what is being expressed. The reality, I'll bet, is a little different. If you were to ask the blocking members about their intentions, they couldn't tell you. They would not say, "Yeah, I'm an elitist. I only let in people just like me." They would more likely say, "There is a standard that has to be met." And you know what? They're right! (They're wrong, too, but we'll get to that later.) Be a joiner! First, lets look at the whole joining experience. I recently went through this in the real world, and had some mixed experiences that left me wondering why I bothered in the first place. You see, I'm an enthusiast. My hobby involves motor sports, and so naturally as I progressed I found a club that had like interests. I liked the camaraderie, and decided to join the club. This was not an easy experience. There are certain requirements that must be met when joining a club. You have to go to the meetings. You have to participate in a certain number of club-sponsored events. But, most importantly, you have to get along with a majority of the other club members. If it's a small club, you have to get along with ALL of the members. They will make you do a lot of stuff to prove that you are worthy of joining their ranks. So, why do we bother? In my case, I bothered because I do not like being a loner. I would rather do the things I enjoy with others who feel the same. It's the wonderful sense of belonging, the feeling that I'm on the "inside" of something. When you're outside, it feels like nothing in the world could feel better than getting inside. But, once you're in, something happens. Wait a minute...You mean I have to WORK? I worked hard to get into my club. It took a whole year. I did a lot of things that I would not have normally volunteered to do, but I did it with a smile, because that's what it takes. You cannot just walk into a club, or organization, or community and demand respect from the people that were there first. It just won't happen. People love to cluster in groups, but in the end, people are individuals, with individual needs, desires, and agendas. Get more than 10 people together, and you have just re-invented politics. epinions is no different. But back to the story at hand. Where was I? Oh yeah...I joined a club... So here I am. I've been running with this club for a little over 2 years now. It's great, right? I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I was happier when I was all alone. Being a member of a community is WORK. I thought I was doing this for fun. Now I'm expected to do certain things. I have responsibilities. I have an image to uphold, lest I embarrass the club. Which, of course, I did. Here comes the part about rejection. The double-edged sword Once you are accepted by a community, you must uphold the standards of that community. On the surface, you would say, "Well, of course. What did you expect?" But in reality, we're back to the individuality thing. Remember. An organization, club, or community is made of individuals who, while in essence work for the good of the community, will always work for their own individual needs first. This can cause strain among members who have differing ideals, opinions, etc. The trick, then, is to continue to be a member of the community while working through these issues, which can be severe. So, back to my story... I mentioned above that I made a mistake in my club. This happened about 5 months ago, but I was, for a while at least, unaware of what I had done. All I knew was that, quite suddenly, I was being shunned by some of the higher-ranking members of the club. In our world, we call them the "Big Dogs", because they are the ones who do all of the hard-core extreme stuff (we're Jeepers, and like to go crawl around on rocks and stuff). They get the most respect, and they have the most influence with the other members. If one of them is angered, all of them are. And I committed the ultimate sin...I angered one of them. I only found out recently what I did to incur their wrath. It was something I had forgotten all about, but they had not. Oh well. Do I feel like a different person now that I have been shunned? No, not really. Am I mad about this situation. Yes, actually, but I'm getting over it. I feel like I've gone through the stages of loss and grief, and in a way I have. Was it worth it? When they first started ignoring me, I was in denial. I refused to see what was going on. Then I started with the rationalizations. Well, they're just tired, or maybe they have something else on their mind, etc. Then came anger. "Well, if they don't want me in their club then FINE! F-'em! I'll start my OWN club." You get the idea. Then came acceptance, which is where I'm at now. I now know what I did. I had to hear it from a friend of mine who isn't in the club but is friendly with some of the members. I'm not going to quit the club. I still like the camaraderie, and even though I'm not accepted in the inner circle, I still have a lot of friends. That's it! So, what was the point of this whole diatribe, anyway? It sounds a lot like an indulgence in self-pity. Well, not really. This is the general discussion forum, and it IS my own opinion, after all. The whole point is that acceptance in a group or community is a LOT of work, but worth it in the end as long as you know what you are getting yourself into. Be honest with yourself about WHY you want acceptance. Do I hope that my opinions will be highly rated here? Yes, of course. If they are not will I be devastated? No, of course not. You don't know me. I don't know you. How could I be devastated by rejection from someone I've never met? How silly. Yet, it would be nice if everyone thought I was smart, or funny, or provocative, or...Oh wait...that was a dream I had where I was a king...nevermind.  |
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