It's harder than a rock, baby.. and lasts longer too!
Jul 03 '01
The Bottom Line Read all about it, inside..
That’s right ladies, do I have your attention? Good. Pour yourself a nice glass of wine, light some candles, and relax – I can’t wait to share this with you, I’m very proud of it. I hope you like it, because I know so many of you have wanted it for a long time. When you get it, you tell your friends and compare stories. It’s so hard, so beautiful, and hopefully bigger than the one your best friend got – and it will never betray you. (Bet that’s where I lost some of you, huh?) Well relax, I’m talking about a diamond. If a diamond truly is a girl’s best friend, guys need to listen carefully and shop wisely. Hopefully, I can help you – because the diamond is the dealmaker in your proposal.
Initially I had no clue how I would propose, all I knew is everyone was pushing me and expecting it for years. Actually, it was beyond the pushing phase - everyone basically gave up on the idea. Of course I was able to see their point, as it was 3 months shy of 10 years since we starting dating that I finally delivered the goods.
All this time was a benefit to me, because I gradually found out her taste in rings. By the time I was ready to shop, I knew what she wanted down to the smallest detail – and I knew what I wanted for her.
I knew already that the ring would get more attention than the engagement, wedding and both of us combined. When a girl gets engaged the initial response from friends and family is, “oooh, let me see” and then maybe “congratulations”. The ring had to be something special, as I never wanted her to feel ashamed to put out her hand when the next group of gawkers asked to see it.
Purchasing the diamond is a major thing. If all goes well, it will be shown off and bragged about for decades to come. If not, you spend hours in a sewer trying to find the ring she tossed - so you can pawn it and buy a sandwich.
Make no mistake, if you’re going to pop the question – the diamond is a more important purchase than the next car you buy. The car might make you comfortable for 5-15 years, but buy the wrong ring and you’ll be uncomfortable for a lifetime. So the first thing you should do before buying the diamond is:
Get an education
It’s very important that you know what she wants. If you truly want to keep it a secret, try to find out as early as possible. This will allow time for you to learn and shop, plus give her time to forget the subject ever came up. Maybe say you’re thinking about getting a ring for yourself, and ask if she’d be interested in helping you shop. By saying you don’t even know your finger size, you open the door to ask if she knows hers and begin dialog about rings, finding out her tastes.
Some other time, start talking about a married friend and eventually the ring the bride has. Ask things like, “did you think her ring was nice?” or “if you were engaged how would your ring be different?” – try not to seem too serious or caring or she’ll likely smell a rat. Don’t forget to talk about the groom also, try not to focus on the ring for too long. The way I got my wife to open up about it was by saying something like, “if I was a woman, I’d want a smaller ring than that, and with a round diamond – how about you?”. Whenever the topic of engagement or rings would pop up, I would act somewhat disinterested and joke around some (while keeping notes in my head of every word that left her mouth). I even told her that if she ever did manage to get a ring, it would be from a gumball machine at the store (this would later come back to haunt me).
Decipher what she says
If she starts talking about the diamond shape (cut) and uses some word you don’t understand, maybe this will help.
Round and oval are pretty straightforward. Then there are:
Marquise - which is oval, but pointy on the ends.
Princess - square.
Emerald - rectangular and long with beveled corners.
Radiant - rectangular and short, between emerald and princess.
Heart - self-explanatory.
Pear - could also be referred to as tear drop.
Once you get shopping, call whichever shape she likes by its name so the jeweler starts to see that you did your homework. You don’t want to start looking at the round stones and say, “I really like that princess-cut”.
I know you’re probably familiar with the following information, but since familiarity isn’t enough – I will include it anyway. Read and learn it, so you’ll be able to find the right ring for you both.
The 4 C’s oh no!
If you’ve ever said anything about diamonds in front of anyone, they probably jumped at the chance to say, ”The 4 C’s – Cut, Color, Clarity and Carat weight” to show you how smart they are. Well next time, pat them on the head and say patronizingly, “very good Einstein”. It’s good to know what the C’s stand for, but it’s much more important to know what they mean and which factors are most important in picking the diamond she’ll be showing off (hopefully) for years to come. Every “C” is important to the overall look and price of the ring, let’s find out why.
C #1 – CUT
The cut is what angle the diamond’s surfaces are on. These angles will play a large role in how sparkly the diamond is. Why? Because when the light enters the ring, it goes in on a certain angle and bounces all around the other angles. If the angles are wrong, you’ll have a diamond with very little sparkle. You can see if a diamond is cut well by comparing it with another that isn’t. Also, if the diamond is certified it will have the angles listed, and your jeweler can tell you how close to ideal these angles are. The bottom line is the more sparkle, the better the cut and the greater the value of the diamond.
C #2 – COLOR
Diamonds are graded on a scale from “D” to “Z” (I have no idea why there’s no A, B or C) in terms of how much color they have. A diamond graded D is the clearest, where Z has the most yellow tone to it. Color will also play a major role in the price of the diamond, so you’ll want to decide which factors are most important to you (and her), because you’ll likely need to trade more of one quality for less of another to get a diamond you’ll be able to pay for.
Some people prefer a diamond with some visible color - say in the I or J area, because they feel it looks warmer. My opinion is a diamond in the D to H range is most desirable for two reasons. First, they call diamonds “ice”, who wants warm, yellow ice? Second, when two different colored diamonds are held next to each other, the clearer one just looks classier.
The grades for color are:
D E F = Colorless
G H I J = Near colorless
K L M = Faint yellow
N O P Q R = Very light yellow
S T U V W X Y Z = Light yellow
When you first see a diamond, a good way to test the jeweler is how you are shown the stone. If the jeweler only feels comfortable showing it over a black background, take it as a warning sign. Ask to see the diamond against a color stone guide or a white background as even a Z rated diamond will appear better on a black background. Don’t be afraid to compare different rated stones to get a real feel for how yellow one is.
C #3 – CLARITY
Clarity is the purity of the stone. Flaws in the diamond trade are known as inclusions and also have their own grading scale.
The grading scale for inclusions:
F – IF = Flawless / Internally flawless
VVS1 – VVS2 = Very very slightly included
VS1 – VS2 = Very slightly included
SI1 – SI2 = Slightly included
I1, I2 & I3 = Imperfect
The lower number above is the better grade, meaning VS1 will be more expensive (and clearer) than a VS2. All of these ratings are by 10 times magnification, so a Flawless diamond will have no imperfections visible under 10X magnification – and I3 will have so many it’s just silly.
There is a little room to take from this category to give to another. You don’t need an “F” grade diamond for it to be fantastic. To the naked eye, there is virtually no difference between an “F” grade diamond and even an “SI” diamond. But there is a very considerable difference under the microscope or eye loop. VS and SI are typically purchased for the average engagement ring. VVS and above are mostly known as “investment quality” diamonds.
Try not to go too loose with the clarity grade because inclusions take away from the sparkle of the diamond. More flaws equals less light that can pass through and reflect, which in effect reduces the “oooh and aaaah” of the stone.
C #4 – CARAT
Carat is how much the diamond weighs, which of course determines its size. There’s not much helpful knowledge in terms of a diamond’s size. It does seem however, that the increase in price isn’t as straightforward as you might think, when looking at increasing sizes of diamonds. For example (keep in mind, these numbers are ridiculously low for simplification purposes) a .5 or one half carat diamond may be $15.00. So you’d think a 1 carat diamond would be $30.00, right? Well, you (and I before going through this myself) would be wrong. The 1-carat would be around $50.00! Now, by using our original thought and model – a 2-carat ring should be $60.00 (since it’s 4 times one half). But, in the diamond world it would be more like $130.00. I have absolutely no idea what the rate of increase is (or I’d include it) but keep this in mind. So if you’re doing some research on the internet and see a sweetheart of a .25 carat and think you can get something similar locally in a .5 carat for about double, you might be in for a surprise.
Another thing to consider is the size of everything else around the diamond (including the girl). If the setting and thickness of the band are large, a diamond chip is going to look ridiculous. Same holds true if your fiancée to be is 13 feet tall and weighs 1,417 pounds. Also consider the opposite, if she has tiny, thin hands – a huge rock is going to stand out like a Ferrari at a monster truck rally. Another point on standing out, if your sweetie wants a 5 carat diamond, perhaps you should both hold a conversation about her personal safety. Sure, some people will steal anything nowadays – but think about the attention a huge, glittery diamond would attract. Just something to ponder.
All of these standards were set by the GIA (Gemological Institute of America) so professionals and consumers alike can speak the same language about diamonds.
Once you know what you’re looking for in a diamond, these C’s will really help you hone in on that special diamond out there that’s just for you. Become familiar with the different grades, it certainly wouldn’t hurt to memorize them (or even make a cheat sheet).
I would strongly recommend checking out the diamond categories here at Epinions to get a better understanding of finding the best deal, why to get a certified diamond, getting it appraised and more. You can find them at the following addresses:
Pricing:
http://www.epinions.com/webs-topics-diamond_price/tk_~MM032.1.7
Choosing a merchant:
http://www.epinions.com/webs-topics-reputable_merchant/tk_~MM032.1.6
Assessing diamond quality:
http://www.epinions.com/webs-topics-assessing_quality/tk_~MM032.1.5
Since the information is free and easy to get, there’s really no reason not to learn as much as you can. It will only help you get the best diamond for the best price, and that’s a beautiful thing.
So, I found a great jeweler and had an excellent rapport with the staff, I felt very comfortable dealing with them and they were brutally honest. They allowed me to look at various stones under the microscope, in different lighting, and compare any I wanted to. When all was said and done, I walked out a very satisfied customer and was dying to give it to her. I had the centerpiece of the proposal, but how was I going to present it?
I went to the quietest place available at the moment (which was the back corner of a cemetery), sat on the ground and just thought. So many things raced through my mind that day – from the spectacular, to simple and traditional, to something just plain silly. The one thing I knew from the start was nobody would know, it had to be a shock – I didn’t want to get all dressed up and go to a fancy restaurant while she’s suspecting it the entire time, that’s not my style.
Two things kept popping into my head, which were beneficial to my decision of what to do. First, it had to be pretty simple because if other people were to be involved, there would be a chance of someone telling her. Plus, I didn’t want to take the chance of the entire thing being blown by someone else – if it was to fall flat, I wanted that responsibility to fall squarely on my shoulders. The second was, it had to be pretty simple because I just spent the money we were saving for a down payment on a house, so I wasn’t in the financial position to do anything over the top unless I sold a kidney.
As time passed, my butt got sore, my legs fell asleep several times and I was now pacing like a lunatic. You know what I came up with? Nothing. I was so excited about the ring I just couldn’t think straight, I got back in the car and drove away with the radio starting to calm my nerves.
It was July first in Tampa Bay Florida (where I lived for 5 years – but that’s another story) and it was hot as always, the intense sun was being overtaken by the typical afternoon clouds that brought the almost daily thunderstorms.
I continued to make my way home and decided to think about it some other time. Not more than a mile away from home, I passed a fireworks stand (fireworks are legal in Florida and are even sold in supermarkets) and a flash of thought shot into my head. Yes, I’ll buy some fireworks – turned the car around and did some shopping. Before I pulled the car into the driveway I knew exactly how it would happen.
Armed with a small bag of fireworks under my arm and a ring box stuffed in my pants, I made my way into the house announcing, “I’ve got fireworks” and ran off into my bedroom giggling – closing and locking the door behind me. This was not uncommon behavior for me since I’m just a big kid, every year in Florida I would pass the fireworks stands and drool. So I unloaded the stuff and went into the living room to see how my then girlfriend’s day went.
When I walked into the room with a huge smile on my face she said, “so, you have fireworks – how many this time?” [she knew that when I buy fireworks, it's normally trouble] I replied, “I’m not telling until I show you what I have, these are awesome and if I tell you beforehand you won’t understand”. If I remember correctly her reply to that was a fearful “oh great”. We talked for a little while and before too long she asked, “so when are you going to show me what you bought”?
Excited, I jumped off the couch and explained, “alright listen, there’s not much in quantity so I want you to close your eyes, so you can’t see the amount – I wanna show them to you one at a time”. With that, she closed her eyes and said “alright” and I darted out of the room. When I came back into the room she was sitting there patiently with eyes closed.
I kneeled down before her and reached into the bag pulling out each thing, one at a time and explained what it did and why I thought it was so “awesome”. As I got down to the last few items, I said to her, “alright, close your eyes again because I have some for you too”. She did and I reached into the bag and pulled out a pack of sparklers (she really likes them). As I held them in front of her closed eyes I said, “open them” and when she did I commented, “see? I got you some sparklers, you like sparklers, right?” and still being patient and understanding of what a nut I am replied, “yes, thank you”.
I reached back into the bag and asked her to close her eyes again and explained, “there are 2 kinds of sparklers I don’t think you’ve ever seen, here is the first – open your eyes” and when she did a 3 foot long sparkler was in front of her. I was right, she never saw one before so I reached back in the bag and she closed her eyes for me.
Still on one knee in front of her, I pulled out the ring box and opened it quietly while her eyes were still closed.
I said, “this one should be neat, it’s supposed to last a real long time, open your eyes babe”. She opened her eyes and focused on the box - I said, “will you marry me?”
She continued to look at the box, with literally no reaction. She just sat there! I said, “it’s real” – and then her eyes bulged out of her head and her mouth dropped open. I had to repeat the question but when she actually heard it, she said yes.
She swears to this day that she didn’t think I was serious. (I told you my joking and not showing interest would come back to haunt me) She’s also told me, “if it wasn't so perfect looking I would've believed you”. Comments like that, and all the feedback I hear about the ring confirm my thoughts of it being such an important piece of the engagement puzzle. She’s proud to wear it because I’m such a fantabulous guy, and she’s proud to show it because I heard what she wanted and chose the diamond wisely.
So here are some tips about planning your surprise proposal:
1) Be practical. You’ll spend a bundle on a gorgeous ring, no real need to go overboard on presenting it.
2) To be a true surprise, tell nobody or at least as few people as humanly possible. You’ve heard the phrase “If you want something done right, do it yourself” – what can I say, it’s true. The more people that know, the more of a chance there is for a leak of your plan. Also, if one person is late or whatever, guess who looks like a fool?
3) Have a backup plan. This is especially important if other people are involved and drop the ball. Exercise a little “what if” thinking beforehand and you’ll come out on top no matter what happens.
4) Stay strong. It’s a big thing, and you’re excited – but don’t even leak the slightest hint to her. In times where you would like people to be their dumbest is when they astound you with genius and reasoning skills.
5) If you must get other people involved, make them strangers (i.e.: “hired help”). Some “friends” just love to run their mouths, and would give anything to be the all-important person to share big news – even if it means blowing your big surprise. Don’t let it happen, never tell anyone you both know. Another note about the hired help: unless you work at home, give them your work number to contact you. There would be nothing worse than to go through all this expense and trouble to create this huge surprise and have some clown ruin it by leaving a message on your answering machine saying, “okay Mr. Jones, I just wanted to confirm tomorrow at 6 pm for the engagement party”.
6) Drop to the knee. It’s traditional, and if for no other reason her parents and friends will think it’s sweet. Let’s face it, you’ll need to score points with this group as early as possible if you want to prevent future headaches.
Well, that’s it.
Oh, a little follow up so the story doesn’t end flat for you.
On October 15th, 1999 we were married on the 12th anniversary of our first date. A long engagement, yes, but how else would you follow up a 10 year courtship? At our reception, being the jokester I am, we had clowns making balloon animals and handing out little custom souvenirs to everyone like decks of playing cards and such with our names and the date on them.
Also, even with the monetary setback of the ring purchase, we eventually scraped together enough down payment money to buy a house. To enhance the storybook ending I will also include that our back yard is wooded and host to chipmunks, wild turkeys, groundhogs, and deer. That’s right, Bambi plays just a few feet from where I’m writing this. To make the family more complete, we adopted our daughter “Michael Corleone” (yes, we’re Godfather fans) and you can see her photo and read about the issue of her sex and name in my profile if it interests you.
A final note to the guys:
The proposal is to your married life what a foundation is to your home. If you wouldn’t want to live in a house built on cocoa puffs, take the proposal seriously and pull it off like only you can.
Thanks for reading!
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Epinions.com ID:
dee67
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Member: Dennis
Location: CT
Reviews written: 17
Trusted by: 36 members
About Me:
Wow, this place has gone down hill :)
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