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My $1200+ Ex-Boyfriend...My StoryJul 05 '01 (Updated Jul 29 '01) Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line Girls don't sell yourself short or give up your dreams for any guy. Never let him do what my ex did to me.
Dating is one of the most difficult journeys for teens to go through. As we grow older, we find which type of relationship we’re more interested in. Some prefer the freedom dating around gives them while others try to build ones for the future. I, myself, have found I want long-term being a college student. I am writing this to the young women to inform them of my story… My friend Char met a guy named DJ at ICL Choir/Band (an event where bands and choirs from different schools go to learn songs and perform a contest). He was funny and outgoing, and she got his screen name. She told me to say hi one day and that I did. I then was going out with him in time, which was a struggle since I could never see him because my parents knew he was African-American. I ran away on his birthday calling from my dad’s house (local), and his mother came to pick me up. I have a bad family life so I stayed over his house for a few days. He was a good guy, yet the player type. He ended up breaking up with me, probably for the ½ hour distance and never getting to see him. I was mad, but we’re still friends. The real story is about one of his best friends. He introduced me to him (Joe*) on here as well. We talked when DJ was and wasn’t around. Joe told me personal things about his past depression and other things that drew me to feel close to him. After DJ broke up with me, we revealed that we had feelings for each other after my feelings settled. It was the fairy-tale romance. We talked a lot at first some nights from 9 pm-3 am. Everything was perfect. We were close emotionally and I felt comfortable and secure with him since I was his 1st girlfriend. Things began to show his lack of emotion and commitment to the relationship I never noticed. I was so blinded by the fact of someone who seemed so perfect for me. When we first started going out, he told me he wanted to marry me. Things were getting sour, but I was too blinded. It was difficult to talk to him because we live a ½ hour away and it’s long distance. We paid for it hand and hand until his mom cancelled long distance. I ended up calling him from home for a high rate and when I was lucky on break at work on the payphone for $.35. Sometimes I went in to cover for people at work partially because then it would be cheaper to call him. I had my job for 6 months and the majority of my pay went to calling him. I suggested we get the new Motorola T900 2-Way pagers and bought 2 for us. I felt so good to buy something for someone else, since I tend to be stingy with my own money. That went well-we had fun talking when I was at college and him school all day on our pagers and from our computers. I then noticed he didn’t reply to my messages and asked him what was up. I found out his dad threw his out. I was devastated being it cost me $179 (which he helped pay about $10 towards for both of them), and never received the pager back if he weren’t to have it or the $ for it from his father. My mom was mad too and attempted to ask him dad about it when he wouldn’t even get on the phone. I had so much love for him it took over my need for other things. I needed a car for school and work, yet never could save it because it went to Joe. There were times I wanted to say “screw calling Joe, I need a car”, but my inner voice never escaped for myself. His parents did not like me either, which didn’t help. I dress cute-in halters, tank tops, and things, but that’s part of me. I could dress appropriately when I had to. I also was older. He was 17 and I was 18 then 19. Then lastly I know they must have known about my interracial relationship I had with his friend DJ. His parents acted strange towards me. DJ’s mother was very warm and welcoming to me, even talking to me about my family life and still is very sweet. Joe’s parents acted more like those high-class rich people who could not see me as anything worthy. We sat at dinner with his family and they barely mentioned a word to me. His younger sister Christa, seemed nice to me, then grew like Joe to hate me. She would answer the phone and hear my voice and hang up or say he didn’t want to talk to me. Joe’s’ parents really seemed to be against me. He was in a fight with his parents and they took them to Belmont Pines. He was there about a week where I could not talk to him. He was my best friend; it drove me crazy not to know where he was. I even broke down at work one night hysterically crying about my family life and him how he was such a big part of my life. After he got back from the hospital, I was only allowed to talk to him for a ½ hour a day, and couldn’t see him for a month. I met a guy at work I became friends with named Matt. He was a cute guy unlike Joe so I was drawn. Nothing happened between us, we just hung out at his house. The most that happened was he had his arm around me, tickled me, and hugs. I felt guilty, but I liked Matt. I kinda wanted to cheat on Joe, because he didn’t show me the affection I wanted. I think Matt sensed this and from the things I told him he knew he wasn’t right for me. We hung out when Joe couldn’t see me, so I guess Joe thought something was going on. I eventually got to see Joe on Christmas. I was ecstatic since it was over a month since I saw him and wanted to know the real story of what happened at the hospital. I had worked in box at my movie theater job so I got the chance to write him a letter on my time in between sets. We wrote letters for while-his being around 1-3 pages each. Mine were about 6-7 pages and the letter I gave him on Christmas was 20 pages. I had told him I didn’t want a gift for Christmas or my birthday, which are on the same day. I meant it in the way of just how girls say that, yet still want a gift. I was happy to see him, and didn’t have any money to get him anything. But for my double holiday I did not even receive a card. I always thought I treated him well. A few times he was not allowed to come get me. One time was for a football game where he played my high school where he was late so he couldn’t come pick me up, and others because he was “grounded” to come get me, yet I could come over. I didn’t mind; I just paid around $30 or so for a taxi. I’m a very affectionate person, and I expected more from him. He got me for Valentine’s Day a cuddly stuffed kitty, which was cute, and a card with almost no writing. I wrote him a very sweet song that made him cry. I loved to see his soft side and to make him happy. Eventually in my marital plans, we looked at rings. I had mine picked out-gorgeous. Later in our relationship at about 5 months after a lot of talking, we decided to lose our virginity to each other. I was so in love thinking it would be so precious. It got to the point of something we did every week after he dragged me to music stores while he played for like an hour. I knew he loved music, which I did too, but he made me incompetent because it wasn’t my major and everything. He was an excellent player, but he did not pay attention to me being bored in the store. I told him about it that it bothered me. I have no problem with someone running a few errands on my time. When you become closer to someone, the awkward things like having to run somewhere to pick up music for your students or self like he did are no biggie. It was the time he spent in there knowing I did not want to be there. I was regretting losing my virginity and still do very highly. I’m very embarrassed I did that when I strictly wanted to wait till marriage. Even the way he had sex with me showed he had no respect for me. We basically got naked, put on the condom, and a few minutes later it was over. No emotion, no feeling, no pleasure. I’ve seen more love on the WWF. He was definitely a “wham, bam, thank you ‘mam” type. He had no concern for my feelings, only himself getting off. After a few weeks after this, he broke up with me. He told me of a church job he got to play organ and I made a comment about his “stupid piano” only because he ignored others and me in the process of his talent he bragged about. I talked to him at school in the computer lab when he told me this, he left, and I went to call him. I was a scared puppy…he told me it was over while I missed almost all of my next class. I began going into “emergency defense mode” calling and talking to him non-stop. I wrote him long e-mails about what my feelings were for like 2 months. On Easter I was enchanted…he asked me back out. He told me he wanted to reunite with me like Jesus did with his disciples. I took him back and a few days later when he said he didn’t want a serious commitment, he broke up with me again denying it ever happened to his friends and me when I told him he did that. I know I annoyed him about getting back together after it happened. But he didn’t realize what it put me through. I cried for hours on end and wanted to drop off the face of the earth. Then he confuses me by asking me back out. I went on a bunch of dates with some nice guys after he broke up with me but it didn’t heal me. Joe knew I would follow him around like his little puppy dog. He toyed with my heart. I spent over $1200 calling him, about $100+ on taxis, hours writing him songs and letters, $179 on a pager to be thrown out, my heart and my virginity. Later on I found out, Joe talked to Matt saying that I cheated on him. I never did anything with Matt until after we were broken up. Nothing happened, but Joe hated that I hung out with my guy friends and at night he referred to me hanging out with them as “dates”. Another time, he even got mad I couldn’t talk. I went with my friend Celeste to a movie. I promised to call him at 9:30, which I did, outside the theater where they played music, and she was sick. I told him our movie was going to start. It hurt to resist him tempting me to skip my movie because I wanted to talk to him. I wrote him the next day apologizing for it too. And 1 time my friend came over, he was home alone meaning I could talk for more than our 12 hour; I made her go home. I felt guilty and selfish when I did that to her. He insulted me a lot verbally after the break-up. He said things like when I asked why he went out with me in the 1st place “because he felt sorry for me”. And my accounts were being hacked. He was highly skilled in computers so I knew it was him. He wrote an away message saying I was a “ho” and my phone # for guys to call “for a good time”, he sent a forward to my friends how I cheated and IM-ed them lying about me. He tried to make me look bad in front of all my friends and sent me offensive pages about sex from my friends’ addresses. The one I knew wasn’t from my friend, being that I was sitting in the car with him at the time. The 1 time I knew it was him, being that he read me phone #’s from my address book in my yahoo mail account. I called the cops on him. Now I try to avoid him at all costs. I got over my depression over him mainly when I met my current boyfriend. He showed me so much more. He asked ME out. He actually takes me out places and we sometimes hang with his friends whom are cool. He doesn’t mind my sometimes wild behavior, or gets jealous of me going to clubs. He calls me. I can tell he has much more respect for me. He knows how to make me feel incredibly lucky and I hope to make things work with him, and maybe he is the one. I love you honey! Girls, please learn from my story, don’t hand your life over to a guy to ruin your chance of getting a car when you're as old as me, don’t let him control who you hang out with or how you act. Don’t let him change you, when he knew what you were like from the start. Please be wise, and also always make the guy wait for experiences of the heart, not the horny. *-name has been changed  |
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