Interesting idea, boring process.
Written: May 17 '05 (Updated May 17 '05)
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It's been years since I last wrote on epinions, but I thought I'd write a few words about eHarmony, an online dating service friends and myself spent many hours in participation (and anticipation).
A while back, there was quite a buzz amongst peers about eHarmony, touted as a scientifically-developed way to meet "someone special". Now, I was initially doubtful what role "science" could play in something as organic and personal as building a relationship. Yet, the peer buzz was there: excitement and fascination over a "proven process", with the stately Dr. Neil Clark Warren promising "more marriages per match than any other online dating site." Wow.
There my irreverence kicked in, wondering how many times eHarmony could get me married, and could it actually out-do Match.com? Then, after the dust settles, could eHarmony match me to the appropriate divorce lawyer? But I digress...
eHarmony gets their foot in the proverbial door by promising a "free personality profile"--a "$40 value". Perhaps a little bored, or wondering if my personality is even worth 40 bucks, I took the plunge. An hour later, deep in the catacomb of their "scientific relationship questions," I began to wonder how long this virtual prodding of my psyche would continue. But, I kept going, hopeful the "Compatibility Matching System" would find someone special for me. After all, eHarmony promises to "find the love of your life". Sure I was skeptical, but I wanted to give the process a chance; I'm no "quitter".
So after those rather mind-numbing surveys (a $40 value), the "matches" started filtering in. Great, now I can finally start talking to someone. Wrong. First, I need to send more eHarmony-directed questions to the prospective "match". There's actually 4 steps of icebreakers, "must-have's vs. can't stand's", and other structured questions before open communication. Wait...my "match" has just endured some pretty dry questioning, and now eHarmony wants me to start it again, possibly boring her to tears? That's right: Dr. Warren knows how to woo a woman's heart--with surveys.
Despite the glowing promises of eHarmony, by now I was seriously bored, even irritated with the whole process. It took far too long to get to open communication, and once "open" I suspect we were both already weary of the ordeal. What's more, I think their "compatibility matching system" has serious flaws. I'm sure there are good people out there, but I doubt eHarmony's systematic approach has the subtlety to know what attracts people to each other. It's not simply filtering through "must have's", "can't stands", and other psychometrics. It's those subtle aspects of personality, expression, and experience--itangibles that attract and become the basis for a relationship. Perhaps eHarmony should make fewer assumptions about how they serve people, instead providing a clearer channel for people to define and meet their own needs.
In the end, I left eHarmony thinking I'd prefer someone more local, where I can get involved in their life. In my mind, that's far better than any "scientific" eHarmony match in say, Newfoundland. And who says Dr Neil Clark Warren knows who's best for me? Maybe I needed to step back from my computer, plug into life, and see who I meet? Happily, that's what I did--and found a wonderful friend.
Recommended:
No
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Epinions.com ID:
webguy
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Member: Kurt S.
Location: California coast
Reviews written: 37
Trusted by: 47 members
About Me:
I'm an avid kayaker, biker and hiker.
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