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Easy for Most, Difficult for Some. Remember These 3 Things....Jul 16 '01 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line 1) Give them your time,
2) Talk with them, and listen,
3) Touch them
1. Your time is worth a lot to your children. Giving your time makes them feel important. Even if you only have 10 minutes to spare before dinner to give to them, give it "all" and don't split it between watching them show you their new moves on the swingset and peeling potatoes. Give them 100% of what you have to give. 2. Talking is so important. Ask them questions. Find out their opinions. And listen to what they have to say. Maybe comparing the latest Digimon episode to a dream your daughter had last night might not be the most interesting thing to have to sit and listen to... Maybe listening to your teenager's so-and-so said such-and-such and then she said and he called so-and-so story might be too confusing to try to listen to .... But do it anyway, with interest. Look at her eyes. Show facial expressions. And, as with time, don't share your talking and listening time with doing something else. Give it 100%. (Also, regarding discipline, if you have to discipline them, take the time to calmly, let them state their case to you about what happened, and explain why you're disciplining them. Really, it works wonders.) 3. Hugs, pats on the back, rubbing their hair... these things let them feel the security of your caring. For some people, this is not always easy. If you've had a particularly "non-close" upbringing, it may feel unnatural or wrong to be hugging. How does one deal with that? I have read that one should fake it! Seriously, just "hug 'em", and after awhile it will feel natural, and wonderful, to hold hands or give a hug before bed. All of these things will make children feel important, loved, secure .... and it will show them how to give affection to their future loved ones. The feeling of my daughters' hugs and the sounds of their "love you too's" as they put their heads on their pillows for the night has got to be one of the best feelings in the universe, and I think it's probably one of the best feelings in the universe to them too. Don't forget to tuck them in and kiss their foreheads before bed. It gives them happy closure to their day and reminds them how important and loved they are, no matter what may have gone wrong during the day.  |
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