Movies should say in the theater - Worst movie to game Write-OffJul 23 '01 Write an essay on this topic.
Popular Products in PlayStation 2 Games
The Bottom Line "It stinks!" - Jay Sherman
With the recent releases, and criticisms, of the Tomb Raider and Final Fantasy movies, I hear a great number of people saying the same tired chorus: "Video games should stay on the small screen." They think that the movies based on video games are simply proof that video games is a degenerate hobby that has no merit. As a long-term gamer, though, I like to think that the reason that there are so many bad movies based on games is because we have literally seen hundreds of bad video games based on movies. In fact, the average video gamer thinks that Hollywood needs to make more game-based movies. We've had to suffer, so should movie watchers. Of course, though, you need to know which ones truly stink up the house. Admittedly, there have been some good ones... Goonies 2 and the SNES Jurrasic Park games were both worth playing. But for you aren't here to listen to me talk about what is good. You want to hear what spews chunks. So, for everyone, I present my list of the worst video games based on movies of all time. This is, by no means, comprehensive. There are many other bad ones out there. Also, as a note, for all those who think this might be off-topic: almost all movie-based games are action games. So for the militant against off-topic, rate accordingly. 15) Home Alone 1 and 2, various systems - If you ever needed any proof that Macaulay Culkin is a tool of the Dark Lord, these games are all you need. Even if you enjoy the movies, the whole idea of making Rube Goldberg devices while avoiding the bungling crooks just falls flat. These two games, spread across three systems, should have been proof that Culkin's career needed to end immediately. 14) Wayne's World, various systems - The biggest knock on Saturday Night Live, consistent throughout the ages, is that they simply do not turn skits into good movies. There have been only two exceptions. Naturally, they both got turned into video games. The first to mention, Wayne's World, was a fun movie, and it was entertaining to control a super-deformed Mike Myers through various stages, fending enemies off with your guitar chords. Wait, who am I kidding, that blew chunks. Nobody in their right mind would defend themselves with a guitar, just like nobody in their right minds enjoyed this game. 13) Back to the Future, NES - This game is a prime example of why you shouldn't make a game out of a movie with almost no action scenes. Not only does the game completely avoid the Oedipus Rex retelling angle that made the move so entertaining, it also doesn't make any sense in context of the movie. Why are you dodging kisses? And why does each kiss cause your siblings to disappear? And finally, they also used for passwords famous quotes from the movie. This set up a dangerous precident - movies based on comedies just don't work. 12) Chicken Run, Game Boy Color - I've already reviewed this before, but this needs mention again. Playing like a cheap knockoff of Lemmings, and compleely avoiding anything resembling the plot of the movie, this game shows that when people go out to make games based on movies, they don't bother watching the movie first. They really ought to reconsider making games if they can't even stick to the source material. 11) Predator, NES - Arnold Schwartzenegger can make a decent action movie. But getting transformed into pixels just doesn't suit him. While the idea of the game is certainly decent, the execution requires alot more. Instead of fighting hard guerilla style, it's your standard action platformer, complete with dozens of Predators. Look, I don't care if he is a Marine, there is no way he was taking out that many Predators. This game only gets ranked above #10 because Jesse Ventura was mercifully abent in this game. 10) Total Recall, NES - Now, nothing says good clean fun than a movie that includes ripping probes out of your nose and a nude scene with a three breasted mutant. And if you honestly believe that this sounds like good video game material, well, make a game out of an Arnold movie without Arnold, or anything remotely connected to the movie. It's an exercise in futility. The game doesn't help itself with bad controls and poor level planning. 9) Godzilla, NES - Behold, the king of the clunkers to some. I'll grant you, controlling a character the entire size of the screen was kinda neat... until you realize that you're just that easy of a target. Not only that, but the controls stank, the plot was flimsier than the movies, and the creators couldn't even bother to put a background into the game. It's running as one of the worst games of all time. 8) Waterworld, SNES - You know... I'm not sure if I even have to describe this game. Sure, it had all the hallmarks of a bad game. But simply by saying its name, I'm positive that I've got everyone's agreement about this one. Another secret to making a bad game - make it around bad movies with bad actors. Anything esle? Sure, this game lacks "Smeat," the one amusing thing from the movie. 7) Rambo, NES - Now, some people might think that in terms of bad games, this isn't that bad. And if not for one thing, this would be higher up. But this game, when you get low on life, starts blinking. And it won't stop until you regain energy. And you will be low on energy alot as the game has horrible controls and no clear path. Thankfully, nobody ever really played this game, or we would have heard about the dangers of epileptic seizures years before we did. 6) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, NES - This might go down in history as the least linear and most confusing game in existence. It is quite feasable to jump between the various stages totally randomly, even getting plopped back right at the start. If anyone can make sense of anything in this game, then the National Security Administration would love to have a code crackers as good as you. 5) Friday the 13th, NES - This game is notable because it actually does follow the plot of the first two movies well. Which is disturbing, when you think this is a movie where one character steals clothes from the dead to wear and dupe the undead. One problem, though, is that the game basically asks you to sacrifice the lives of those you try to protect in order to easily beat the game. Don't think of them like children. Think of them like cannon fodder. 4) Blues Brothers, NES - Remember how I said that Saturday Night Live only made two skits into good movies? Well, this is the game that was based on the other one. This game is a side-scrolling version, basically, of Gilligan's Island. And the only reason that game didn't make this list is because I'm not talking about television shows at the moment. Also, this game manages to avoid the plot even better than the Wayne's World game. Personally, I'd rather eat dry white toast instead of play this. 3) Toys, SNES - Of course, along the same lines of Waterworld, another movie that just had no cohesiveness to it. Of course, Waterworld's game, did have a simple and easy to understand interface. And objective. I mean, nobody that has played this game even knows what you're supposed to do in it. Everyone complains about Patch Adams, but that was Oscar material compared to the movie. Robin Williams owes me a great big apology for inspiring this game's utter banality. 2) Street Fighter: The Movie, the game, Arcade - Usually the Street Fighter movie is pointed at to show why movies shouldn't be made out of games. That, and why Raul Julia dies - shame. But few remember the horrible game spun from it. Just like a xerox of a xerox loses clarity, so did this game, which featured characters that looked just like the actors. In addition, the controls were worse than the original, and it took out several characters that were in the original. The last time I saw one of these machines, people were ignoring it to play the original Street Fighter 2. This should really say something to everyone. 1) E.T. - The Extra-Terrestrial, Atari 2600 - The first and the worst, ladies and gents. Between the short time frame it was give to be completed, the bugs that were left in, and Steven Speilberg's demand to make it 'more like Pac-Man,' this is the project nobody wanted to handle, and nobody wanted to play. It's a game where you randomly wander around while your life drains, hoping to get lucky and find the items E.T. needs to phone home. It's also monochromatic, which ws also well below the capabilities of the system. Only classic Game Boy games have an excuse to be monochrome. The controls were horrible, and the only sound was the solitary blip that E.T. made with every step, guaranteed to drive you nuts. It is to some the worst game of all time. I won't go that far, but it easily beats out all other movie franchises. Of course, this is just my own list. If you look at Alkaiser, he will give you the rundown of everyone in this Write-Off, and you can see the other stinkers that they find. Also, sure, I mentioned old games. They've gotten a bit better recently about churning out substandard trash with a movie name on it. Still, avoid movie games until you hear otherwise from someone who knows better. And this has been 32_Footsteps, at the console.  |
| Read all comments (7)|Write your own comment |
- Top 1000|
Ads by Google
|
