The Feel Bad Games Of All Time - Worst Movies to Disgrace Video Games (Write-Off)Jul 24 '01 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line Cut! Get this movie off my console!
Hi, it's your friendly Games Advisor, Alkaiser. During the last couple months, due to the influx of video game movies, certain "mainstream" critics have been mocking the idea of a mere video game trying to become a movie. Well, while they're busy turning their noses up in scorn at the notion of computers being able to match all that Hollywood is, myself and a few other gamers decided to shed some light on the heaping pile of crap that is movie based video games. Those big budget mucky mucky have it all figured out. My no-plot movie can make hundreds of millions, I should just be able to throw the same POS out onto a console and rake in millions there too. No. And I don't want to go to the lobby to get myself a snack, either. Movie video games, by and large have been bad. And I'm not just talking mediocre, I'm talking bottom of the barrel bad. They are the basis for some of the worst games ever made. Hollywood can whine all they want. We have them to thank for such video game classics as Trespasser (loosely based off of Jurassic Park.) which is arguably the worst 3D game ever made, and they can point fingers all they want, but "Manos, the Hands of Fate", "Battlefield Earth", and "Jury Duty" were not inspired by video games. We've never given you the movie versions of "Pong" or "Joust" so before you maintream media folks throw stones at the industry's lack of movieworthiness, you might want to take a look at the gaming house of glass you've built. So, without further ado, here are the worst movie video games of all time, according to me: 10. Anything by Bandai, Playstation/Dreamcast Well, Bandai hasn't made very games over here, and that's with good reason. Bandai has some of the most popular anime over in Japan, most notably the Gundam series. These are generally really, really nice looking anime. Terrifiic animation and mecha design, and yet they couldn't make a decent game out of any of their series or OVA to save their pathetic little lives. They're derogatorily referred to as "The Acclaim of Japan", and they've made more bad games than I can list right now. If you see the big B, flee. 9. Austin Powers: Operation Trivia, PC "Do I make you nauseuous? Do I?!" The guys at Jellyvision (makers of You Don't Know Jack) decided that it'd be a great idea to make a trivia game based off of Austin Powers. To save money on development costs, they hired bad voice actors to be Austin and Dr. Evil, and made up for it by using lots of bright colors and weird video clips. The games are only 9 questions long. I had to review this game and I stopped after 1 game. I'd seen enough at that point. 8. Independence Day, Playstation Oh man, this was bad. Even worse than the, "Oh hey, I'll just upload a virus to the alien ship." ending to ID4 the movie. In the game you fly around a hoorible looking stage picking up little missile and shield power-ups, while trying to blow up the mothership. Except you could only move in a confined area. Will Smith would have bailed out of this version. 7. Star Wars: Episode 1, PC Making me wait that long for that joke of a prequel wasn't enough? You had to make a bad game on top of it? 1-pixel wide ropes, dizzying camera angles, lame puzzles. This game wanted to be Tomb Raider and it pretty much was, only with Jar Jar Binks! Woo!!! The only thing fun about this game was deflecting laser blasts. 6. Wargames, PC I really liked this movie, so I thought, "Why the heck not?" A 3D based Command and Conquer. It was horrible. You could play as either the humans or the computer, and neither was very fun at all. Had the added distinction of shipping to the general public with a virus on the CD! Way to go MGM! 5. E.T., Atari The stupidest bit of video game history ever, but it was early in the history of video games, so they have a little bit of an excuse. The geniuses who made the game decided to make MORE games than they had systems to sell, just based on the fanatic popularity of the movie. They ignored one thing, the game was utter crap. You had 1 goal. Don't die. You had a life counter, and you had to pick up Reese's Pieces to stay alive. Additionally, everything on the screen that moved, killed you. You could do nothing besides eat candy, and move out of the way. Meanwhile, extra sharp pieces of paper, and malevolent pieces of grass were waiting on the other side of the screen to cause your untimely end. I heard if you played long enough, there was an alien spaceship that came by to save you. Who could possibly endure the pain that long, I do not know. 4. Judge Dredd, Genesis/Playstation This game had 2 equally bad incarnations. The first, on the Sega Genesis, I had to rent, because Blockbuster Video was holding their yearly competition for video game champion. I rocked everyone's world in my location. In Judge Dredd, you walked around shooting everyone, one of the many movie based platform games that everyone thought was the rage back then. If you wanted bonus points, you'd just arrest the bad guys though. It was sad. Not as sad, however, as the Playstation version, which was basically Area 51 with cheesy cutscenes inspired by the movie, like your character saying, "I am the law." This was part of the pain I had to endure while doing focus testing at Squaresoft. (Please quantify how much this game sucks.) 3. Last Action Hero Look! Bad movie AND bad video game! Who the heck thinks about this stuff. Well, we felt that the movie couldn't quite capture the vision we had, so we decided that bad graphics and a 4-move Double Dragon clone where your enemies have ranged weapons is really what Last Action Hero is about. 2. Street Fighter, The Movie, The Game, Playstation Once again, bad movie runs smack into bad movie. While the embarrasment from the movie killed Raul Julia, the game made him rise from his grave and attempt to strangle the developers. Totally ignoring any ties with the franchise, the game omits some of the original characters, and replaces them with more memorable ones like Sawada. They had digitized the actors from the movie, which was the last thing game players wanted to identify with, and tried to make some Mortal Kombat/SF hybrid, and just insulted everyone across the board. One of the worst fighting games ever, and definitely the worst Street Fighter ever. 1. Superman, Nintendo 64 Worst game of the past decade. All of Superman's superhuman powers, harnessed so that he could fly through rings. Or rather, swim through rings. This game showed all of the N64's and Hollywood's limitations better than I could describe it. So the next time someone tells you that video games shouldn't be movies, chain him to a controller, and then make them play Superman. We'll see who has anything to talk about once it's all said and done. There you have it. The 10 biggest reasons that movie producers never get to be anywhere near a game development company. of course there are several more that I hadn't thought of, and even, actually 2 or 3 movie video games that are actually not crappy. Aliens vs. Predator comes to mind. But do you child a favor. If you ever see a hot new game that's based off of a movie...don't pick it up.  |
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