Please Don't Pass Judgment, You may not have all the facts. Jul 26 '01    Write an essay on this topic. Tweet The Bottom Line When you see a mother feeding her child, keep your opinions to yourself. It's her decision on how/when/where to feed that baby. When you see a mother bottle-feed her child, do you think to yourself, "What is in that bottle?" Do you automatically just assume that it is formula? Or do you think that a mother breast-feeding her infant in a public place is outrageous? Do you pass judgment without knowing the full story, just by what you see? Unfortunately most people do. We can't help it. It is in our nature to be judgmental, and opinionated. I am not writing this to start a war with anyone who is pro breast, or pro bottle for that matter. I am writing this to hopefully bring awareness to all who read it. We are all aware that breast milk is nature's natural food for the human baby. I actually am pro breast myself. I have four wonderful children of my own and did breast-feed for a time with all of them. I also gave them formula. I have been personally accosted for nursing my child in a public place, as well as being belittled for giving my baby a bottle, when I SHOULD (in that persons opinion) be breast-feeding. The following paragraphs will tell my story of breastfeeding, the trials, the successes, and the heartache when I had to stop. Hopefully the information here will help someone to make a more informed decision, on weather to criticize or hold his or her tongue. My goal is to make everyone stop and think, it is HER choice, you may not have made that choice, but it was exactly that, your choice. My first child was born after a long and arduous labor. She had presented posterior (her back to my back, instead of her tummy to my back) and did not want to flip over. After 17 hours she finally cooperated and came into this world, an 8lb 2 oz screaming little girl. While I was in labor, I had filled out all the forms that the nurses needed. I asked for them not to give my baby a pacifier, as I would be breast-feeding. They said, "No problem Mrs. Barone, don't give it another thought." Soon after her birth she was whisked off to the nursery for tests, and her bath. I was taken to recovery. I spiked a fever of 104, 10 minutes after she was born due to dehydration. My IV had blown, and no one knew. I was not allowed to see my brand new baby for 4 hours, until the fever came down. When the finally brought her to me, I was horrified to find that she was happily sucking away on a pacifier!! I had a fit!! I asked the nurse when she had been given the pacifier and the words that will be forever etched in my brain came out of her mouth, "About 10 minutes after she was brought to the nursery. She was crying." I couldn't believe what I had just heard! I specifically gave instructions for NO PACIFIER and they were ignored!! I immediately took that pacifier away, and my precious baby began to wail! For the next 8 hours, working with a lactation consultant, I tried everything to get her to eat. She would not latch on at all! She had rejected me. I was crushed! According to the lactation consultant there was nothing wrong with my technique; she just wasn't hungry. Now I want any mother to tell me that if a baby hasn't eaten in 12 hours, she isn't hungry. That was absurd! She was screaming. The only thing that made her stop was the pacifier. I broke down, and I asked for a bottle. They didn't want to give me one, the nurse kept reminding me that I was breastfeeding, and when she got hungry enough she would eat. I said, "Get me a bottle, or I will get one myself!!" It took 25 more minutes for her to bring it to me, while my baby screamed. I felt like a failure. I gave in, and gave her the bottle; she latched on like a leach, drank the entire 5oz bottle, and wanted more. She was starving. I cried the whole time. The nurse actually looked at my daughter and said to her, "You little Poop (but she used a much naughtier word)! You just wanted that rubber nipple!" She is lucky I didn't punch her lights out! Who was she to call my daughter that? Let alone; make any comment what–so-ever, when she was the one who gave her the pacifier in the first place. We went home an hour after that episode. 13 hours after she was born, I walked in my front door. Knowing nothing, except that I didn't want to be in that Hospital any more. I bought nipple shields, and tried to nurse at home, with some success. She wouldn't take the breast without the shield though. I was pumping and giving breast milk in the bottle, all the while trying with no luck to feed my daughter, the way God intended. After 5 weeks of stress for both of us, and constant feelings of inadequacy my milk dried up. The pumping wasn't working, and the shield was, "inhibiting the suckling process, therefore not stimulating the breast to make more", according to my Dr. It took almost 3 yrs to get the pacifier away from her. She never did take the breast without the shield. When my second child was born, 19 months later, I left written instructions with the nurses, that he was NOT to get a pacifier, or I would sue the hospital, and the nurse that gave it to him personally! He never got one. His was an easy labor and delivery; 3 hours start to finish. He took to the breast immediately. As soon as the Dr. laid him on my tummy, he was rooting for my nipple! I was ecstatic! My husband thought I was crazy! He had tried to talk me out of breastfeeding, not wanting to watch me go through rejection again. I was determined to succeed this time! We were a great nursing couple, although my nipples were very sore for the first few weeks. He was what the Dr. called an overactive nurser. He sucked so hard that he broke blood vessels in my breasts, resulting in mastitis (breast infection). Mastitis is very painful, and requires medication. I was treated promptly with Amoxicillian, and was told that I could nurse through it. Sure I could! Every time he would latch on, it was like someone taking a white-hot needle and sticking it into the middle of my breast! But I somehow managed to make it through, and got past the infection. Two days later, the other breast became infected! I cried every time he would eat. The pain was so excruciating; I WANTED to stop breastfeeding. I wanted to reject my baby! Talk about guilt! I was trying so hard to do the right thing! Why wasn't this the easy and beautiful thing it was described as in all the pamphlets, and books I had read? For the second time I was having problems. This time granted they were medical, but problems nonetheless. Again the failure complex reared its ugly head. I was told by the pediatrician and my OBGYN to stop feeding until I was healed (at this point I was cracked and bleeding quite a bit), and then try again. I pumped faithfully, but could not give the milk to my son because of the strong antibiotic I was given. When I was at last healed, my son no longer wanted to nurse. He wanted the easier latex nipple, and the, thicker than breast milk, formula he had become accustomed to. 3 months after he was born, he was formula fed and happy. Not so for his mommy, not for a long time. When my third child was born, I was again determined to breast feed! Again my dear husband tried everything to get me to just give the baby a bottle, so I didn't put myself through that again, but I was stubborn and wanted to give it another try! This time I would make it work! It was nearing an obsession, the need to be "normal", to feel like I was worthy of motherhood. After all, isn't it only right to give your baby breast milk?? As all the ads say now "Breast milk is best for your child"! I, like every mother, wanted to do the best for my baby! I was induced, had a horrible labor, an epidural, and pitocin. I was told that my son might not be able to feed right away as a result of the drug in the epidural. I was determined. I introduced the breast to him before they took him to get him cleaned up! He latched on like a pro! The nurses were impressed with how well he was nursing after the long labor, and epidural. We went home, everything was roses! We nursed so well together, I finally knew what those books (which I had previously thought of as stupid fiction), had been describing. The bond, the closeness, the sheer satisfaction of knowing that you are giving your baby the best start in life. When he was just 3 months old, our nursing world started to shatter. He was diagnosed with double inguinal hernias, double hydroceles, and he needed surgery. He made it through the surgery, and we went in for the follow up exam. All was well, or so I was told. The next day, I noticed a green dot, the size of a pinhead, on his incision site. I called the Dr immediately! The nurse that I spoke with said it was a normal reaction to a stitch. It was festering it's way out, put a very warm cloth on it and it would break and go away like a pimple would. Well I put the cloth on, and all hell broke loose. The green dot was not a festering stitch, it was a horrible infection. The wound did indeed break open, and the fluid that came out soaked through a bath towel. I rushed him to the hospital, and he was seen immediately. There were complications caused by the hydrocele repair, the infection was through the whole surgery site, and into his scrotum. He needed to have surgery, and he needed it NOW!! He made it through the surgery, but was on 3 very strong IV antibiotics, 3 times per day. He was in the hospital for a week. I should say "we" were in the hospital for a week, because I didn't leave him for more than 2 hours at a time. He was so heavily drugged; he could barely open his eyes. Nursing is hard work, and sucking on a bottle was almost too much for him. They had to feed him through his IV on occasion. With all the stress of not knowing, if he would make it, trying to keep my family at home sane, and explaining to my other kids, 5 and 3 at this point, that I still loved them and missed them terribly, but needed to be with the baby until he was better, I started to lose my milk. I pumped, I nursed when he could, I did everything possible, but it was no use. We weren't a breastfeeding couple any longer. My baby was alive, and that was all that mattered to me! I didn't care how he was eating at that point, I was just thankful to God that he was here on this Earth, so he could eat! My fourth baby came into this world with a bang! She was taken by emergency C-section, and along with her came my gall bladder, my appendix, and my tubes were tied! I have a medial incision from my breastbone to my pubic bone. I had (and I did count) 73 staples holding my stomach together. Yet I still breast fed her! It was excruciating to move, breath, sleep, anything. But I would not deny my daughter the goodness of mother's milk! Nurses and Doctors commended me for even trying, saying what a miracle it was that I even had the strength to try. (Picture a pat on the head, and a condesending tone) "Don't be discouraged if it doesn't work out. At least you tried." I can't tell you how many times I heard that! I couldn't pick my baby up by myself, but I would be damned if I wasn't going to breast-feed! It was a crusade! She is my last baby; I had to succeed this time. I nursed her with no problem, aside from the pain of the incision, the whole time in the hospital. We were great when we got home. At two weeks, she developed thrush caused by the antibiotics that I was on from the surgery. OH NO!! NOT AGAIN!! My nipples were cracking, and the pain was the same as it had been with my second. I toughened up and nursed through it. I wasn't going to let that stop me this time! She went on Nystatin; I used an antifungal cream 2 times a day faithfully. The cracking got so bad that she was starting to spit up blood, not her own, but the blood she was drinking with the breast milk. When she started to have blood in her diapers after a BM, I knew it was time to stop! I could not continue to do this to my baby! Could you? I gave her a bottle knowing that she did not reject me, and I did not reject her. I was doing the best thing for my baby, and I have no regrets! Next time you see a mother in the mall feeding her child, just smile and walk by! Don't feel it is your duty to tell her that she should be giving her baby breast milk (how do you know that the milk in the bottle is not expressed), or that she should find a private place to feed her baby if she is nursing. She is doing what she must to make sure her baby is happy and healthy! It is frankly NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! You make the decision for your child; and let that mother make the decision for hers. I hope that you take the time out to think about it the next time you are passing judgment on a mother; you may not know the whole story. There may be a really good reason for bottle-feeding the baby, or she may just be uncomfortable baring her breast in public. (With all the dirty looks that I see directed at nursing women I don't wonder why!) There are a million and one medical reasons that a woman may not be able to breast feed. I just wanted to share my personal story, and I hope it helps someone understand, that sometimes it isn't by choice that a baby is fed with formula, sometimes it is. NEVER is it anyone's business, but the parents of that child.

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