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Do you love your kids?Aug 01 '01 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line Know what your child is upto. Be a parent first, regardless if your child's disapproval. Remember they are the child and you are the adult.
I want to start off by saying my wife Maria (mmounsey) and I have 2 little boys, Joey (2.5 yrs old) and Brandon (2 months). We love them dearly and will do everything in our power to keep them from harms way. A couple of months ago, I was listening to Dr. Laura on the radio and she just got back from Israel. She stayed with some people who had 9 children sleeping in one room. How is that possible? I thought the same thing. She said they had 3 triple-decker bunk beds in the room. Her first impression was, that is insane, but after staying there for a while it wasn’t crazy at all. Dr. Laura hit the nail on the head when she said we, as Americans, think our kids need privacy at an early age. The 9 children in the room were all content and happy. There was not any fighting going on, there was nothing but peace in that room. Why? I guess because no one told the children they were suppose to not get along all being cooped up in one room. The story was told because a person called Dr. Laura seeking advice on what to do about a particular situation she was in. She had 2 sons, the oldest was about 10 or so. They were about to move and didn’t have a lot of money. Her oldest son wanted his own room. But the lady said it would be financially a little harder to move into a house with an extra room. She told Dr. Laura they could do it, but it would not be easy. And she wanted Dr. Laura’s input on this. Of course Dr. Laura told her that it was not necessary. Only in America do people think children need their own space. She went on to explain how Americans have got away from the family unit because that is what the media tells us we need to do (indirectly of course). Only Americans think all children should have their own rooms and they need their privacy. In a time we need to be closer together do we push ourselves further and further apart from a family unit. What does that have to do with me and my children you ask? Well… Before I answer that, let me ask you, what is your first impression when you here of 9 children living in one room? If you expect it to fail, it will. Perception is reality. Do you think your kids will hate you if you go through their stuff? Perception is reality. If you are going through your children’s stuff with the wrong motive, then your kids may hate you and you may have given them the right. You shouldn’t be doing it if it is not for the right reason. If want to protect your children and keep them from harms way, then you may need to go through their stuff. As many good moms and dads who have posted on this subject, “YOU MUST BE A PARENT FIRST!!!” If you are thinking my child may not like that and that is what you are concerned with, maybe you shouldn’t have become a parent. You are the parent and you are to make the decision. A lot of parents are willing to do what the child wants because they are lazy and they will not have to put up with a fight. My father told me that I was not put on this earth to be your friend; I was put on this earth to bring you up right. And if that upsets you, then so be it. I will sleep better knowing I did the right thing even though it was not the popular thing. Did my father and mother go through my stuff when I was a kid? Yes! Did I like it when I was a kid? No! When did I figure out why they did it? When I grew up. Not physically, but mentally and emotionally. I believe many, not all, people who want their children to like them so badly is because they have a poor self-image and have not matured emotionally or mentally. They put what their children want first before what needs to be done. You see this a lot at the grocery store or at a restaurant. The child sees something they want. They scream yell and throw a tantrum till they get it. The parent, not wanting to be embarrassed will give it to the child. They don’t want people looking at them thinking they can’t control their child. When they prove it by giving the child what it wants. Ok… I am getting a little off the subject. Let me get back on track. Now, if you had parents who went through your stuff for the wrong reason and you still are upset about it, I am not talking about you. There are so many reasons parents do what they do. And there are so many parents who are learning and in learning, they do the wrong thing. If they did it for the right reason, then there is nothing wrong with that. Some learn from their mistakes, some don’t. Will I go through my children’s things? Yes! Why? Because I care about my kids and I don’t want them getting hurt. Will my child never get hurt or never get in trouble? Of course they will. But I am going to do my part in bringing them up they way they are suppose to be brought up. Some parents might say, “I didn’t go through my children’s things because it was wrong and they turned out great!” What do I have to say about that? Fantastic! You are a rarity. Some other parent’s might say, “My children talked to me about everything! So I don’t have to worry.” I don’t know if I completely believe that. Unless you can read minds you can’t really know if that is true or not. Since I am not a mind reader, I guess I will have to do a little snooping. My father also told me I do not own anything till I was old enough to be on my own. That may sound extreme to some people, but it is true. A child is the responsibility of a parent or guardian till the age of 18 years old. So if the child has something illegal in his or her possession, the parent is responsible, not the child. Here is my last few tidbit of advice I have learned and am willing to share with you: (1) Be a parent and do what is right for the child’s up bringing. Not what is right for the moment because it might save you from embarrassment. (2) Don’t worry about being your child’s friend. That is not your job. Your job is to prepare them to be adults who know the difference from right and wrong (3) Trust is not a right it is earned. If your child has proven you can trust him or her, then give them some slack. Give them a little privacy. Don’t start off giving them all the privacy they want till they do something wrong. Start off being a little strict then back off after they have proven themselves. (4) Doing the right thing must be learned. Teach your children to do the right thing and most of the time they will. They will only learn to do the right thing if you do the right thing. Don’t expect your child to learn something you are not willing to do it yourself. For example, don’t teach your child to steal and steal yourself. Then try and justify it by saying it was something really small or you really earned it. Children aren’t stupid. Don’t expect them to do the right thing without any guidance. And being and example is the best guidance a child can get. (5) Don’t’ be reluctant to find out what your child is up to. It could cost them their lives or someone else’s life. I believe I read that one of the children involved in the shooting at Columbine HS had a shotgun barrel he had sawed off sitting on his dresser 2 weeks before the shooting. If that parent would have known what their child was up to, the shooting could have been prevented. Everything I have written was based on the principles I have learned tied in with my beliefs. If you don’t agree with it, so be it. I guess that is why this is called an epinion. God Bless and happy child rearing! Bill  |
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