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Think You're A Good Driver?Aug 03 '01 (Updated Aug 20 '01) Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line If you can't grow up and drive responsibly, you're just a vehicular manslaughterer(?) waiting to happen.
You probably think you're better than most drivers on the road. The reality is that I'm better than all of you! ;) Seriously, this is a VERY important topic, and an everyday threat to life that almost everyone takes way too lightly. At least in young drivers, the amount of IQ lost behind the wheel is directly proportional to amount of horsepower and/or stickers and body kits that their vehicles possess. Oh yeah, coffee can-sized exhaust tips (penile compensation, to be sure) also guarantee driving stupidity. In Houston, it's said that the car with the most primer gets the right of way. It really is a demolition derby in the Bayou City, where (just like everywhere else) drivers don't realize that the 3000+ lb. hunks of steel they're driving are very deadly in their hands. We're All Going To Hell! I have listed below the new Horsemen of the Apocalypse--unless better driver education (and adherence to it) can prevent it. If I've missed any, please let me know, and I'll be glad to add them. 1. "Hard" drivers Please! These drivers act as if everyone on the road is looking at them. This kind of driver has his left hand at 12 o'clock on the wheel, and turns his head left to peer over his forearm. This may be combined with head bobbing to whatever music they're booming on their (usually terrible) sound systems. Peeing Calvin, No Fear, Ain't Skeered, etc. stickers may also adorn their rear windows. What a joke. As much as you'd like to laugh at them, just ignore them in the hopes that lack of attention might wither their egos. 2. No-Signal Turners Some people argue that no one uses them anyway. For these people, I've always dreamt of taking a hammer to their turn signals--they don't use them anyway, right? But seriously, signals do just what their name says: they signal to others your intent to turn or change lanes. If you're in a town where signals only make drivers close up the hole you were hoping to enter, turn it around on them. Use your signal while braking (be mindful of the driver behind you), so when the driver next to you speeds up, you can take the hole he created behind him. 2a. Constant Signalers This mutation of the No-Signal Turners will leave their turn signals on from when they first pulled out of the driveway that morning, and will aggravate other drivers to no end--especially the ones who pull back for a few seconds to let them by. Pass them with caution. 3. Last Second Drivers In Houston, drivers will gladly turn into a driveway from two lanes away, swerve four lanes over to make a last-second freeway exit, or even stop on the freeway and hit reverse to make the exit they just missed. Please refer to my Epinion of Houston for more on these drivers. It's very simple. If you miss your turn or exit, you miss it. Go past it and make a U-turn where legal. If U-turns aren't a doable option, find another route. In any case, you should've been in the proper lane earlier anyway. 4. Idlers Those who stop or creep in the middle of a road to look at a map or to fix their makeup create a serious hazard, and aggravate our already-congested road conditions. If you need to make a call, eat something, etc., do us all a favor and pull over. 5. Buttmunchers These drivers have likely read every bumper sticker and license plate frame in their city, because their front bumpers are almost magnetically bonded to your rear bumper. This behavior is usually combined with the frenetic use of high beams, which signals you of their urgency. Legends in their own minds, you will have to bite your tongue and yield to these mighty drivers. Resist the urge to install oil slicks, road spikes, or other gadgets that would do 007 proud, because other innocent drivers would likely be killed by them. 6. Snails These drivers, whether they believe they're driving cautiously or simply within their best ability, will drive at 10-25% of the speed limit, which can cause serious accidents. You'll often see a line of angry drivers behind them. Spot them early and stay two lanes away, since angry drivers behind them will be violently swerving out from behind them. 7. Cop- and Ambulance-Remoras Remoras are small fish that hang onto sharks. Their four-wheeled equivalents chase after police cruisers and ambulances who have their lights on, so they can get to their destinations faster. Do you have any doubt that the end is near? There's nothing you can do about them, so stay away. 8. "Chicken" drivers Whether driving in the same or opposite direction as you, these drivers will gladly cross the line into your lane to let you know that they WILL get their way on the road. Often, but not always, their cars are rolling Bondo advertisements (is primer a color?). Back off and hope they don't end up killing the next guy on the road. 9. Dragsters You've seen them. Every intersection is an opportunity for them to show their massive...skills in pushing their gas pedals to the floor. How impressive! Avoid eye contact, as Dragsters often contain traits from "Hard" drivers, and will take your glance as a challenge. These drivers are often victims of the following driver type. 10. Red Runners Yellow means go faster, and red means go like hell. What total idiots. People get killed every damn day thanks to drivers like these. ALWAYS look both ways before proceeding through a green light or stop sign. ALWAYS. 11. Wheel Jerks These morons travel from parking lot speeds to street speeds, jerking their steering wheels from left to right and over again. Their cars rock dangerously, whipping from left to right. What does this show? I have no idea, except that they're not bright enough to realize how much wear they're putting on their cars and how scary it is to others who need to pass them. 12. Neighborhood Speedsters These drivers travel WAY too fast in residential areas, where a child or pet could easily run out on the street. These drivers are so supremely confident in their ability that they don't even realize that if a car door opened on one of the vehicles they were buzzing, everyone would lose. Always know where your kids and pets are. 13. 'Roid Ragers Sometimes they're on steroids, and sometimes they're simply overly-aggressive drivers. These are the ones who'll stop dead in the middle of the street to leave their vehicle and come at you with a gun or melee weapon. They also will be more than happy to ventilate your skull while driving if you don't let them pass you, or if you choose to ignore their flashing high beams. Back off--it's not worth losing your life over people this stupid. Get their vehicle and license plate, the time of the incident, and report them. 14. For-Me-To-Know Brakers These brakers either constantly slow down with their manual transmissions, or have non-functioning taillights, which can really spoil your day when your front bumper ends up in their back seat. If you follow at a safe distance (as you should anyway), they will pose no problem. Look through their windshield to see traffic patterns ahead of them, and if their car appears to be getting larger, you're gaining on them. What can be done? As with many things in life, education is the key. In this case, knowledge of how stupid the above actions are should help you in resisting the urge to do the same. Remember, no one MAKES you act like a fool on the road--you only LET yourself become one. When I was in San Diego, I'd just come from a 3-month stint in Los Angeles, and ended up terrorizing poor San Diegans on the freeways. I then realized that my aggressive driving was met with polite yields, and I soon toned down my driving. Good driving can be just as infectious as bad driving, especially if enough people do it--so start with yourself. If you like to race, there's likely a racing club or competition you can join, where you can race without risk to your life or others'. "I can't help it" and "That't just how I am" are just ways of saying that you're too weak-minded or weak-willed to bother exercising some self-discipline. YOU control your actions, not fate or destiny or any of that hogwash. Try it. Get up early and cruise to work, instead of tearing down the freeway at the last minute like a bat out of hell. Resist your violent, murderous urges when someone else cuts you off or tailgates you--when you do it enough, you'll find that you actually feel better this way, rather than stooping to the other guy's level. Scaring the hell out of others on the freeway, getting tickets and possibly jail time, and even murdering another driver is NOT worth it. So if you feel like you have to prove something to the guy in the other car who doesn't know you from Adam, get over yourself.  |
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