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What is a girl to do?Aug 04 '01 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line How do I deal with his kids and the part about no discipline at all because he only sees them on the weekend?
What is a girl to do? My point being that as a single mom who has had a few bad relationships, and survived but, it has taken its toll on me and my girls, I have written a similar epinion on being a single mom but this one is more a question that I am hoping to get some advice on. With the relationship that I recently left it lasted almost 4 years and there were no problems with my daughters and my boyfriend, I honestly mean that, they got along and I really believe that they all loved each other, the real problem was his young boys not the boys, they were not the problem but the lack of discipline in fact there was not any! And with this it was really hard to make it as a family. Not only were there no rules for his boys when they came to visit but, I was not allowed to even comment on them when they would treat my things with no respect at all, something so silly as a fence that I spent about three months on building around a small pond that we had, What happened was, my boyfriend came in the house and looked at me like I was evil and the anger in his eyes was cold and scary. When I asked what was wrong he replied; well the boys just tore down your fence, and I said "WHAT?" yep he said I watched the do it and then asked them if they did it and they both said no. So immediatly I said its just a fence, I am sure that I can fix it, and he said well, you better go and look at it, so I did and there were the boys jumping on the other part that was still standing, and I said please stop that, why are you doing that? And one of the boys said, because I can, well dad heard that and quickly grabbed by the scruff of his neck and told him to apologize, he would not so he sent him to his room and then gave the younger one a popcycle, after about 1/2 a hour he went into his sons room only to apologize to him for yelling at him and then gave him a popcycle. I do not understand the lack of discipline? I really do not, at first I understood that him being the weekend parent and him missing his kids but, enough was enough, I had enough! What is a girl to do, after a lot of my things had been broken or even lost and hearing that they are just kids, things happen, well that I do understand but not teaching them to respect other peoples stuff I do not! Now here is my real hard part, when you love a man or a woman you accept them and their children as one, a package deal, I tried I honestly tried, but when the boys were not there we had no problems at all, we got along very good, of course there were a few disagreements over little stuff but in general we had a lot of fun, laughed a lot and had a lot a common interests it was a good relationship until the kids came then it was me ignoring what was going on because they were his kids and I had no right to say anything, he only saw them on the weekends so I should either leave while they were over to visit or get used to them doing anything that they wanted! Well like I said it got so bad I had to leave, it was so hard to even face the weekends in that tone! Now only 2 months since I have been on my own and my "X " and I talk all the time, thats what really sucks, we can talk all day long about some topics but to try to talk to him about counseling or his kids and the lack of discipline, it starts a angry mind from hell! But like I said, my kids loved him and he loved them he was very good to them in a lot of ways I also loved his boys but, it was so hard to see the way they were being raised by the father that they looked up to so much, him telling me in front of them that they did not have to listen to me when I asked them to please not put their muddy feet on the couch because they had been playing outside near the pond with their shoes off and they were cold so they run in grab a blanket with mud all over them and crawl up on the couch next to their dad, what was I thinking asking them to put their feet down off the couch? And again me only being away from him about two months, I have missed him a lot but in a way my life is so much less stressful and easier but, I do love him and I think I always will, my next dilema; For the first time since I left recently he wanted to see me and at first I said No but, the more he bugged me the more I wanted to give in and see him too. Well he came over, spent the night and we talked, not about kids but everything else. We watched TV together and laughed and had a very warm and loving evening, it was perfect,and in the morning we both got up and showered and talked some more and then it was time for him to leave, I had things to do and that was fine with both of us but, then the questions started, Can I come back later? What are you going to do tomorrow? And do you still love me? Yes I do but the family life we had was with me you and my girls and it worked good then on the weekends I went through hell! And with that he left mad and he called about a hour later only to thank me for the evening and tell me that he loves me so much and wants to come back another evening soon but that I should not bring up his boys again! What do I do? I do love him so much and miss him greatly but, how can I have him understand that sometimes it is not O.K to just ignore everything to make sure that your kids have a fun weekend? How can I help him to understand that without discipline in their lives, he is only teaching them that there are no rules, do what you want, well I hope they do not have serious problems when they get out in the real world on their own because there are rules in life and you can not do whatever you want! So where do I go from here? I welcome any advice at all! Good bad or ugly before I run back to him because I still love him! I really wish there was a way to have him understand! Also with him telling his boys they did not have to listen to me, in front of them, that really worrys me because he in a way is teaching them not to respect women! Please help, all advice welcome, I know I should just stay on my own but, I do love him and miss the life we had during the week, and so do my girls! Thank you for your time!  |
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