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When playing catch with a rock take precautions to ensure it is a mutual gameAug 05 '01 Write an essay on this topic.
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As a child I was superfluously banned in quite the unofficial manner from every destination imaginable including but not limited to restaurants, hotels, clothing stores…you get the idea. My mother was the executor of these bans (which she never enforced) following each of my public squabbles with my sister Kimberly. Her opening line would always be “I don’t see any of the other children behaving like this – do you?” Well of course not, I had always rationalized, they had probably already been banned from the location by their executors of wrath. My specialty was nails and my sister excelled in hair pulling – we learned basic self defense off of each other. As the years passed we progressed to the all out verbal fight – also vital in preparing us for the outside world. I never lose an argument – I can only attribute this success to my having started early. There is no more equal opponent than a sibling who knows all of your weaknesses and how to work them against you. Our arguments would always stem from the most insignificant of incidents. There was a consistent underlying jealousy (particularly in relation to material possessions) and we carefully monitored each other’s income of toys. Each of us sought to be the favorite child as we never fully comprehended that that title was unattainable. This desire to outdo the other led to otherwise unwilling rule enforcement and the phrase “I’m telling on you” incessantly reverberated off the walls. Despite the aforementioned I did receive quite the wealth of knowledge from my years of fully conscious rivalry. I attained several important skills and life lessons from my sister and am now far enough past the trauma of it all to share my experiences. “KNOWLEDGE DERIVED FROM THE EARLY YEARS” 1. It’s best not to play the ‘Game O Genetics’ (different sex hamsters are usually in separate cages for a good reason). 2. Never play ‘trust’ on the stairs. 3. Just because something isn’t yours doesn’t mean you can’t have it (what’s yours is mine, what’s mine is mine also). 4. Hand soap does not go in the dishwasher (not even when in the mood for an uber bubble bath). 5. Whilst attempting to operate an old fashioned toaster, insertion of a metal knife is pretty much unneccessary. 6. Light brights are not edible. They also fail to serve as fuel when placed in an old fashioned toaster…can’t enforce this enough – toaster OVEN is the way to go. 7. The education system is mistaken (the alphabet IS in that order solely because of the song). 8. There is a limited time frame to how long a person can remain underwater while being restrained. 9. The fork and the electrical outlet are not friends. 10. When playing catch with a rock take precautions to ensure it is a mutual game “KNOWLEDGE DERIVED FROM THE LATER YEARS” 1. Balancing a checkbook evinces negativity, all the best to apply the slogan of millions of wasted tax dollars and ‘Just say No’ to financial stability. 2. There’s nothing wrong with keeping the tags on for a one time outfit. 3. Looks can be deceiving – Easy Mac is NOT that easy – hence there being a packaged set, enabling six attempts at perfection. 4. Fuzzy dice just aren’t cool anymore (when received as a gag gift one must heed caution and presume they are to instigate humility). 5. There is nothing wrong with engaging in artificial means to alter your eye color, skin color, hair color…so long as each chemically induced desire is preceded by a label reading for ingredients that may ‘sound’ cancer-like. 6. Stay on the offensive in skin care – never assume you are applying regular lotion. Always assume it to be self tanner under the guise of lotion. 7. The theory of ‘never having enough blush’ is not universal. Attempt to discover clown fetishes prior to a makeover. 8. Never point out when a mistake of your own is in the process of reciprocation. To do this is to admit to having made the mistake in the first place. 9. Wearing green with green is deserving of corporal punishment. Color gluttony is the epitome of all moral sin. My inability to establish ten later in life lessons to complement the previous ten elaborates on what should be a deep-seated fear (based on the substance of this ‘learning’). The most enhanced and vital of my knowledge has stemmed from raucous rivalry with Kimberly. I can only conclude that rivalry is not only normal, it’s academically enriching! It’s best to simply humor, rather than to quell, at it’s height while the insignificance level of disputes is at it’s high. An unfortunate side effect to rivalry is the manner through which it’s caliber slowly decreases until it has retreated into submission.  |
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