Flick Me Swiffer
Written: Sep 06 '05 (Updated Sep 06 '05)
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Product Rating:
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Pros: Lightweight; perfect for quick clean-up of dry messes on low pile or Berber carpet
Cons: None, when used for quick pick-up jobs on carpet as the manufacturer intended.
The Bottom Line: The CarpetFlick’s single purpose, quick pick-up of dry particles, is exactly what it does and it does that well enough for me to consider it worth keeping.
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| pogomom's Full Review: The Swiffer CarpetFlick |
Illona Trailer barely contained herself when the doorbell rang, interrupting Jerry Springer’s in-depth coverage of "Cousins-in-law Named Bubba and Their Nephews that Call Them Mom". Her glee had little to do with the burly DHL deliveryman or the large, colorful package that urged her to “Flick Me Open!” No, Illona’s excitement came from the fact that the doorbell actually rang for the first time since Curtis Ray installed it, seven years ago.
It dawned on Illona that the husky man barely noticed that she answered the door wearing little more than a smile; those slights occurred all too often once her northernmost parts headed south of her Mason-Dixon line. Illona managed to see only the young woman who first claimed her independence at the age of twelve whenever she allowed herself a glance when passing a mirror or any other mesmerizing shiny object.
Settling back into the comfortable indentation on her futon, she wondered at the fact that the deep concave of her couch exactly matched the even deeper convex of her backside. To Illona, this was proof of a higher power, a point she would discuss with the Tarot card reader who married her ex-husband, twice.
The brightly colored package grabbed her normally fleeting attention. Fighting the urge to color in the gap between the “L” and the “I” to make the invitation to “Flick Me Open” a bit more suggestive, Illona followed the detailed directions and flicked the box open. Thrilled beyond reason and fairly certain the whole assault of colors could easily be attributed to a flashback from the her short stint as a roadie for Kiss, she fingered the yellow packing material while imagining how lovely it would look once her talented twin sister intricately wove it into her hair.
Two sips of Schlitz and a Moon Pie later, Illona noticed what was nestled in the center of those precious corrugated golden strips. Slowly moving her lips as she read the words imprinted on the shiny cardboard box, she whispered, “Swiffer CarpetFlick, Everyday Carpet Sweeper, Designed for Carpet. I wonder what this is for.”
The Out of Box Experience
Within hours, Illona extricated the contents from its glossy container. Inside she found:
- 1 bright orange Swiffer CarpetFlick sweeper head
- 4 sections of aluminum tube
- 4 hermetically-sealed adhesive cleaning cartridges
- 1 Use and Care card embedded in the sweeper base
Manual dexterity or the lack of notwithstanding, Illona locked the handle sections into position by depressing the two tiny orbs with her claw-like nails, while sliding the ends of the sections together. Logic dictated that the curved plastic handle should go at the top and the orange plastic end with the little bumps should fit into the sweeper base.
Bolstered by her success, our heroine tackled the final step in the CarpetFlick’s construction. Removing the Quick and Easy Instruction card, simply because it read, “Remove before use,” Illona mentally checked off two of the five directives before feeling stumped and possibly one-half bubble short of plumb.
The third directive read, “Insert this cleaning cartridge into the sweeper – noting THIS SIDE UP – and lock it into place by pushing the tab over the button.” Slowly removing the wrapping covering both sides of the flat cartridge, she noted the orange psychedelic paisley print on one side of the adhesive sheet. Beneath the swirls on the opposite side the fuchsia print seemed to taunt her in three languages: SIDE UP / HAUT / ESTE LADO HACIA ARRIBA / THIS…
Illona’s concerns rested with the fact that when she inserted the cartridge, the bottom of the sweeper base faced up but when she prepared to use the sweeper, what was up was down. Wrestling with decisions of this magnitude usually sent Illona into deep depressions lasting weeks on end; lucky for our gal pal, the graphic tutorial led her to believe that up meant up when in use.
Flicking to the Oldies
Wanting to give Swiffer’s latest offering an honest trial by using it as it was intended to be used and noting that the CarpetFlick works best on Berber and cut pile carpet, Illona mowed her green shag carpet down to optimal height with Curtis Ray’s Weed Eater. Quick and Easy Instruction card in one hand and the CarpetFlick in her good hand, she let the sweeper “simply glide” across the carpeted floor and giggled as she watched “stuff jump into the bin” – just as the card said it would. By then, Illona had polished off the twelve-pack from her Coleman cooler and failed to wonder why the orange card was speaking to her.
The sweeper seemed to float across the carpet as it flicked and trapped everything in its path. Crumbs, leaves, dirt, grass, glitter, fuzz, coffee grounds and what appeared to be early stage compost grabbed onto the sticky cartridge on the bottom of the CarpetFlick base. Even more remarkable, slightly larger morsels of crumbs, leaves, dirt, grass, glitter, fuzz, coffee grounds, contact lenses and what appeared to be mature compost flicked and locked into the bin with a few extra swipes across the freshly mown carpet.
Deep in her heart, Illona knew the manufacturer intended this wondrous new tool for quick clean up jobs, not the major carpet rejuvenation project she planned. Working her way from living to dining room to hall to bedroom, she realized her folly. Sure, the sweeper still flicked a chunk of this and a hank of that into the bin but the sticky pad would grab no more. The orange Quick and Easy Instruction card beckoned her to perform number five before she lost all hope. It calmly stated, “When the cleaning cartridge is full, just slide it out and throw it away,” in three languages.
Hoping for a miracle, Illona released the cartridge’s tab from the tiny button and slowly pulled the filth-embedded adhesive pad from the sweeper base. Glory of glories, every bit of muck and mire stuck to the pad and made it to the trash pile without issue.
At that exact moment, the truth slammed Illona between the eyes harder than her sixth husband. If she loaded a new cartridge into the CarpetFlick and used it to clean up small dry messes on her carpet in-between vacuuming, she might be able to walk barefoot through her house without worry of impalement by foreign objects hiding in her nap.
For this and so much more, Illona and I will forever owe a debt of gratitude to David Binkowski of Hass MS&L for providing a pre-release Swiffer CarpetFlick in exchange for this honest take on the product’s performance.
My heartfelt thanks go out to Ed Grover for allowing me the use of two of his alter egos, Illona Trailer and Curtis Ray, in my attempt to mimic his style in this review. Ed’s admirers organized a month-long event as a tribute to someone who truly embodies everything we would hope to find in a friend. On a very personal note, I had the good fortune to meet Ed during my first days as an Epinions member. I had no idea that a chance meeting would enrich my life in such a profound way. Ed’s boundless good humor, compassion, support and friendship are something I will always hold dear. I love you Ed.
Please visit eplovejoy’s profile page for links to “The Ed Grover Appreciation Write-off”.
Recommended:
Yes
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Epinions.com ID:
pogomom
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 in Home and Garden |
 - Top 200 |
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Reviews written: 193
Trusted by: 727 members
About Me:
Web/puter person who, disguised as mild-mannered Pogomom, offers unsolicited opinions to all she encounters.
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