How To Quit Smoking Cigarettes: Advice From The Marlboro Man & King of KoolAug 09 '01 Write an essay on this topic.
Popular Products in Health Aids
The Bottom Line Pick a plan, gum, patch or drugs, and stick to it. If you fail, dont give up. Just start from the begining and you'll get it.
It is very difficult for me to admit that nicotine has dominated two-thirds of my time on the planet. I am now 32 and have had a daily fix of this addictive substance for the past 20 years. As I look back I see that nicotine was right by my side (rather, in my body) at almost every significant event in my life. Here is a short but incomplete list of a few experiences: 1981 Lost my Virginity - What a better way to celebrate than lighting up. 1983 First Keg Party - Booze + Cigarette = Cool Teenager. 1987 Joined the Army - Wow, discounted cigarettes for soldiers, “smoke if you got em” 1989 Wedding Day - Smoking 1 1/2 packs in 2 hours calms me down before taking the plunge. 1989 First Attempt to Quit - While on a 30- day military exercise in the middle of a South American Jungle. I thought if I didn’t bring smokes with me, I could kick the habit. Later, in a screaming fit of withdrawal, a fellow soldier introduced me to Copenhagen tobacco snuff. I bow to the nicotine gods and use snuff for the next 6 years. 1989 Birth of my Son - Wheew, I need a dip after that! 1990 First Shot of Joy-Juice - I experienced what it tastes like to accidentally drink tobacco spit from a soda can used as a spittoon. 2000 Trial Separation from Future Ex-wife - My ex-wife cites my recent relapse into smoking as the number 3 reason our marriage doesn’t work, right after me wanting to keep my balls intact and not agreeing to wear a dress like a good little wife. How I Spanked The Monkey Off My Back Believe it or not, smoking is as addictive as heroin, alcohol, or any other well known drug addiction. And to beat it you have to admit that you are addicted, out of control. Then the single most important thing to do is MAKE UP YOUR FRIGGIN MIND!!! We all have doubts and any hard-core smoker will always doubt deep down inside whether they can actually quit. When you are ready, you will know because that voice inside of you will tell you to stop poisoning yourself right now. If you still enjoy lighting up a smoke and twisting it between your fingers your probably not going to be successful. I remember not craving a cigarette but still smoking one just to keep my body from craving a fix later. That is when I knew it was out of control and the voice inside of me started screaming “Hey dumba$$, stop it now or I’m going to mess you up”. Some Pointers From A Pointed Head Once you have decided in your mind to quit, don’t deny the physical and psychological forces that will weaken your resolve. Don’t think you can do any of these Jedi mind tricks and get away with it: 1. Keep an ashtray in the house for guests that smoke. You see it, you’ll smoke. 2. Try to forget about the 3 year old pack you left in your jacket pocket that’s packed away under six boxes and a Chevy motor in the shed which has a locked door you lost the key to 6 months ago. You’ll be out there at 2am in your Underoos with a sledge hammer and a book of matches. 3. Drink alcohol, coffee, or soda on a daily basis. Hello Mr. Lucky Strike, do you know I love you! Breaking Routines & Triggers One of the biggest factors in my relapses have to do with routines & triggers. Here are the major routines and triggers that got me is the past and some tips on how to beat them: Routine - A Big-A$$ Cup-o-Coffee on my way to work. Trigger - Caffeine is synergistic with Nicotine. One is an upper, one a downer. Trying to wake up and calm down at the same time is like parachuting out of an airplane while asleep. Solution - Replace coffee with water. No, not Caffeine Joe water, real H20. Drink enough so you’re peeing 5 or 6 thousand times a day. This will rinse the Nicotine out of your system within the week. Routine - A Big-A$$ Martini after work. Trigger - Alcohol andNicotine are both depressants. Imagine parachuting out of that same airplane after I hit you in the head with a baseball bat. Solution - Abstain, abstain, and when that doesn’t seem to work, then abstain! If you drink regularly, you will not quit smoking and you know it. So hold off for at least a month or more. If you can’t, then maybe you have more than 1 addiction. Routine - A Big Piece of A$$ anytime. Trigger - Cardiovascular activity from bumping your ugly after parachuting with a Martini gets your blood flowing and triggers the urge. Solution - Drink more water and eat truckloads of fruit. Trust me, if you keep putting bananas, cherries and water in your mouth, your “nicotine” cravings will subside. And I never met a lady who didn’t like strawberries eaten off her thighs while laying in bed. Routine - A Big-A$$ Meal after drinking and sex, you get the munchies. Trigger - Sugar, Salt, and anything Fried & Spicy would send me into a puffing frenzy. Solution - Avoid the triggers such as burger joints and ice cream parlors for awhile. Eat more Subway and Chinese food. Eating a little more lettuce not only stops the cravings but it also keeps your a$$ from growing as your taste buds come back and your appetite doubles. Routine - Bored Out Of Your A$$ anywhere. Trigger - Psychological mind-screw that makes you puff up during this time period because your hands and mouth have nothing to grab onto. They just cannot remain idle when the rest of your body is limp. Solution - Sugar-free gum and a stress ball will keep your mitts and mouth busy. Routine - Stressed Out Of Your A$$ usually at work. Trigger - Mortgage, Kids, ex-wife, the boss, and that wart on your a$$. Need I say more. Solution - Hmm, I could tell you to reduce the stress in your life, but if I knew how to do that I’d still have a head full of hair. A great way to help is physical activity that is appropriate for your age and fitness level. Getting Real Help Use whatever addiction aid works best for you. For me it was the patch. I told myself that if I had to live the rest of my days with patches pasted on my arms, legs, forehead and booty, at least I would not be smoking. You may only need the gum or maybe mind-altering prescription drugs. Try them all (not at the same time) and stick the one that works the best for you. Here is how I figured out what worked for me: Spring 2000 First Attempt to Quit with Medical Aide - I chew so much Nicorette gum that the company’s stock splits twice. Summer 2000 The Nicoderm CQ Patch - I complete all 3 steps of patches without one cigarette. I relapse shortly after my ex-wife started a bit-ching spree that continues to this very day. Winter 2000 Doc Prescribes Wellbutrin - A pill that supposedly takes away the urge to smoke. After 6 days without sleep and almost joining a religious cult I discover that ”Wellbutrin” is an antidepressant that nearly changed me into Hannibal Lector Summer 2001 Nicoderm CQ Part II - After reaching the pinnacle of my smoking career at just under 40 cigarettes a day, I go back to the only thing that has came close to keeping me from lighting up. I decide that if I have to live the rest of my life with a patch on my a$$ it’s better that breathing through my neck. Its been three months, no smokes and no patches. Support They have a million quit smoking groups out there. Its enough to make you go to a meeting and light one up. I think the best support comes from your immediate family, especially your mate. Advice For The Non-Smoker If you are a non-smoking spouse of a heavy smoker, understand that cigarettes are as addictive as heroin so your lover boy/girl may need several self-rehab attempts before he kicks the habit. DO NOT EVER SHOW AN OUNCE OF DOUBT & IF HE/SHE RELAPSES, DONT CRITICIZE OR SHOW ANY FORM OF DISDAIN. I can be devastating to the smokers will power to quit. The more you encourage, the stronger they feel. Note - No a$$-es were injured or mistreated in the writing of this advice column. Any similarities to real people other than my self in purely coincidental.  |
| Read all comments (20)|Write your own comment |
|
Ads by Google
|
