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*Sniff* *Sniff*...Ahh...Can’t You Just Smell the Nostalgia?Aug 17 '01 (Updated Oct 08 '01) Write an essay on this topic.The Bottom Line Being a college freshman in the new millennium is one of those things that has to be experienced to be fully appreciated. Highs and lows, your personal experiences may differ. Slamming the door I glanced at Jeff* and Alex*. “What’re we going to do?, I gasped. Normally a cool and collected bunch, the night’s events had set us all on edge. “Well, maybe if you put him to bed he’ll just get tired and fall asleep”, Jeff suggested hopefully. Scraping noises from inside alerted us that this was less than probable. After another minute of heated discussion, I opened the door and glanced in. Darren*, who only moments before had been curled into the fetal position screaming into a pillow was nowhere to be seen. Frantically searching the room, my eyes settled on the open window. “He gone out the window!, we’ve gotta go after him!” I shouted to Jeff and Alex. As we rushed out of the building, I took a quick moment to reflect on our present situation and decided that never in my wildest dreams had I envisioned my freshman year as anything like this. *Names have been changed to help make the story better and so I don’t get sued. The college atmosphere has changed, of this we can be certain. But one thing remains the same – the dormroom environment places two individuals in unbelievably close proximity to one another and then expects them to prosper. (Don’t think too hard about it…it’ll never really make sense.) Thousands of movies and millions of books could be written about this very situation - there are that many stories to tell. (My roommate’s roofies adventure sure would make a great short film…I bet I could even win Cannes…) More power to those kind-hearted epinionators who’ve been so kind as to share their stories of roommate trial and success, but having just completed two full years in undergraduate housing, I’ve come to the conclusion that this is no longer the eighties. Ecstasy, date rape, roofies…it’s a bold new world out there and it’s time for a more modern perspective. Here are the real things students can expect in the new millennium: 1.”The Odd Couple” Times a Million You and our roommate aren’t going to be the best of friends. Sure, you think you’re open minded, friendly and easy-going and can handle even the most bizarre dormmate. Not to rain on your parade too early, but hear me out. Look at the people around you that you consider really good friends. Statistically, these individuals comprise a very small percentage of the general population. So, it’s pretty rare that you’ll be stuck with someone with whom you actually want to hang out. (However I have seen it happen.) Fortunately, this rule also works in reverse - the odds of your getting stuck with an individual whom you absolutely despise are also quite slim. All things being equal, you’re more likely than not going to end up an individual whom you neither despise or enjoy. (This is at least true for guys.) Based upon my experience it’s completely opposite for the female of the species. You can either expect to A.) absolutely adore or B.) completely despise your roommate. I know it’s strange, but this seems to be the way it works out. You can blame it on men’s territorial roots, or girls’ supposedly superior social skills, but just take my word that this appears to be the way it sorts out. 2.You’re Sick! Well smartypants, you might have put two and two together and figured that you’re going to pick up a few colds and flus. Lucky you. But I bet you’ll be surprised at the frequency which you find yourself shivering under a blanket, dripping snot and praying that the term paper due in three hours will finish itself. Simple reason prevails here - a large number of students living in close proximity and sharing facilities means your dorm will be a virtual germ factory. Colds and flu will sweep from one end of the hall to the other, ravaging the immune system of even the most health-conscious student with the grim efficiency of a Mongol horde. Going to school in eastern Washington, I learned this the hard way. Known for its cold, windy, dry winters and biting cold, my winter illnesses gradually crept together. I felt pretty horrible from October to March. The real kicker here is this: the less you sleep the tougher it is for your immune system to fight off the bugs against it will have to fight. I guarantee you that no one in the world survives on less sleep than your average first year college student. On top of it all, Joe Student can’t afford to spend a week in bed recovering. Come January, it’s not uncommon to see numerous students transformed into walking instruments of biological destruction as they enter the classroom and proceed to spew germs on anyone in their vicinity. Bad times. (Of course if you’re going to school in California, Texas, Arizona, Hawaii, Louisiana, The Bahamas, Southern India, or any other warm region you can disregard this paragraph. The only thing you’ll be worrying about in December is whether your board shorts clash with your Hawaiian shirt. You can rest assured that all of us in the northern regions of this big, round globe despise you very much.) 3. Get up, get out! Want to become a freshman burnout? Really…It’s fun…I promise. Here’s how you go about it: a.) Whenever you’re not obsessing over class, sit in your room, I’m talking all the time, 24/7. b.) Obsess about your grades to anyone who’ll listen. c.) Study compulsively, and excessively, journey to the library if you must, but avoid human contact at all costs. d.) When concerned classmates ask if you want to go out and *insert fun activity of your choice*, fervently decline and study even harder! Shun all social activities in favor of your studies. e.) Either go to bed really early or stay up all night. Moderation!? What’s that? f.) Constantly complain about the monstrous stacks of books you have assigned. Better yet, change your major to pre-med. (if you haven’t already)- they never seem to do anything but study. If you follow these easy steps, you too can become the bane of your classmates. People will avoid you, your eyes will have those persistent bags under your eyes that drive the girls wild, and you’ll even shorten your life expectancy. Cool, huh? For anyone who doesn’t find anything exciting about the preceding paragraphs, congratulations. You’re sure to be one of the most well adjusted students in your dorm. Let it be known that by no means am I giving license to go out and party every weekend, but you most assuredly need to get out and have some fun. Every successful student (and human, for that matter) learns to divide each day into two categories – work and play. Work hard so you can play hard and play hard so you can work hard. Find something you love to do and be sure to reward yourself after a particularly brutal stint at the library. Above all, be sure to avoid the people who do nothing but study…that way you’ll be sure to avoid their wrath when they inevitably snap and bring an assault rifle to class. 4. Remember the Triad A person much wiser than me once made the following observation: At college everyone has the opportunity to do three things: a.) Go to class b.) Sleep c.) Goof Off Unfortunately, only two of these three things can be done successfully. While one might be quick to debate this idea, (you could, for instance, divide your time up perfectly, 1/3 of your day for each.) the general idea stands. Every day has a set number of hours, and every second you spend doing one thing means less time for something else. Always remember that you can’t do it all, and always be sure to spend your time carefully. 5. Choose Your Allies Wisely… Leaving high school I was naïve…I’ll be the first to admit it. I came from a really cliquish high school where everyone had their own group. I happily looked forward to college – expecting an atmosphere where everyone got along equally well. However, this is one respect in which college really isn’t all that different from high school. During the first few weeks, all bets are off. You’ll be thrown into the mix along with tons of other students. Obviously, you’re not going to get to know everybody. Approach random people if you’re really brave, but expect alliances and friends to change. If you’re not stunningly outgoing, look for other persons with likes and interests common to your own. Start in your hall or dorm and then branch out into classes. Don’t be surprised when people change. A great deal of settling occurs throughout the social strata during that critical first semester. I clearly remember meeting a couple people during the first week of school and thinking they were totally cool. In retrospect I can look back and see them for the ‘tools’ that they truly are. 6. Don’t do Anything Stupid (At Least not for a While) For a sure-fire reputation killer, do something really stupid. Better yet, do it the first weekend of your freshman year if at all possible. That way, your reputation will proceed you for the rest of your academic career. After Darren, my roommate jumped out the window during the second week of school, you can bet your tuition that he was a marked man. Luckily for me, the simple fact that my roommate jumped out our dormroom window garnered me an unexpected level of popularity. The story spread like wildfire across campus and there was no end to the number of people who approached me asking what it was like living “with that psycho.” If you really insist on getting inebriated and doing something stupid, hold off until you have a few good friends who’ll stick by you no matter how many forehead-slappers you pull. That way, even if most people think you’re an idiot, at least you’ll have a group of good friends who’ll stick by your side. Who knows? Maybe you can do stupid stuff together. Well, that’s it for now. If you’re still reading I’m sure you’re probably saying “To heck with the stupid rules! What eventually happened to your roommate!?” Well, I’m glad you ask. After being slipped roofies (the date rape drug) at an off-campus party. (Don’t ask me why anyone would give roofies to a guy, it was probably just a prank.) My roommate stumbled around campus for a while until my friends and I found him and drug him kicking and screaming into our room, leading to the scene above. The entire experience scared the heck outta me, Darren’s heart was beating unbelievably fast, I seriously thought he was coked up or something. As I drug his 220-pound frame into our room his chest felt like it had about a thousand hummingbirds flapping inside. I was sure he was going to have a heart attack right then and there. I hadn’t really been close to anyone on a bad trip before, this was unreal. Darren wallowed in paranoia as his eyes bulged as big as dinner plates as he repeatedly screamed/muttered “they slipped me something, they slipped me something…” Lucky for Darren, our room was on the first floor. Unluckily for Darren, the ground was still about eleven feet down - he sprained his ankle pretty bad jumping out of the window. We gave chase (I was afraid he might run into traffic, or worse) and eventually tackled him on the soccer field. Soon the paramedics and campus security arrived and it was about that time that Darren came around and realized what was going on. A trip to the hospital proved it was a mixture of date rape drug and tons of alcohol that sent him into the trip. If he'd had a couple more drinks I would’ve been able to enjoy a room all to myself. Maybe it was the large ACE bandage wrapped around his ankle, but Darren was a good deal more subdued after his adventure. He didn’t return for his sophomore year and I don’t blame him. A guy’s reputation just doesn’t recover from a hit like that.  |
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