Ten for "what might have been" (Colossal Crush Write-off) Aug 18 '01 (Updated May 22 '04)    Write an essay on this topic. Tweet The Bottom Line These ten songs go out to the ten crushes who stole my heart and whipped it good. (Sorry, no Devo.) I know the right one is out there. She's got to be. But I also remember all the other times that I thought I was onto "the right one", then as time passed, separation reared its ugly head and life went on. That's the great thing, though! Life does go on. So I know I promised you Twelve From Hell, but first I have to put in an entry for my own write-off, that being the Colossal Crush write-off. This is my first time ever doing something like this, so I hope it's as easy as it looks from a participant-eye-view. Basically, the idea is this; to go back and think of all the songs that we had for our "crushes". They can be popular songs from the radio, they can be songs you made up, they can be sitcom themes, just whatever made you think of that special someone, or should I say, those special "someones". I remember reading that the average man falls in love six times in his life. Back then, I had never dreamed I'd get to six, but I've just about tripled that by now (if you call a crush "love", that is.) Once I eliminated the internet relationships, it was much easier to narrow it down to ten. If you decide to jump on and submit your own entry and you want to use internet relationships, that's fine, but I chose not to. So, at any rate, here it goes... Ten for "what might have been"! 1.) "Sentimental Lady" Bob Welch This was the first crush that REALLY hit me hard; and wouldn't you know it, it was over two twins that used to ride Mrs. Lord's bus along with me. Their names were April and Kayla, and boy were they something. This was about the time that I was just starting to listen to the radio, and one night while I was out fishing with my stepdad (used to hate going out there!!!), I heard this song on my Walkman. I didn't care about the fact that the song was obviously geared toward an older audience; all I knew was that the high, chiming piano introduction was a hook that branded me a fan of this song for as long as I would live. And I was only 14 at the time; I think they were maybe 11. I never actually got to talk to them, although my sister told me she talked to Kayla once. The lyrics of the song mostly were just gobbledygook at the time, although one line that always stuck out in the song went as follows... All of the things that I said that I wanted Come rushing by in my head when I need you. The piano refrain goes on through most of this slow song over floating guitar chords, making it quite a relaxing piece that wouldn't have been out of place on Eleven From Heaven, the mellow mix. What makes this one particulary juicy is that April & Kayla turned out to be the daughters of Tommy S., who was probably the richest man in all of Commerce, Georgia. He was a state representative or something or other. So, no wonder they were so popular, huh? 2.) "Would I Lie To You" Charles & Eddie I don't even like this song that much now. But one day, I was playing Final Fantasy 2 and listening to the radio, and this song came on. Of course, it didn't hit me until the last 20 seconds or so that I was really digging the mid-tempo, almost liquid harmony of the song. So who was it? Well, none other than Rydia; a video-game character from that game. Now I suppose you might be wondering if this shouldn't have been my Idiotic Write-Off entry instead. I couldn't stand it, though, I was really at a lonely place in my life then, and just playing that game and "being" with Rydia always brought me solace. When she would lift her arms to cast a spell, you could see the shape of her body really well (I know this sounds RETARDED) and despite the really crummy graphics at that time, it was better than anything I had seen before. Plus I actually cared about her since she was an RPG character. Everything in the world that was green became beautiful for years afterward, all because of my crush on that green-haired, green-clad chick. Besides, she saved me from Golbez. So I owed her my life. 3.) "If You Go" Jon Secada High school graduation came soon enough, and I wasn't the least bit excited about it, because it only meant that I would never get to see Jamie's beautiful face ever again. Jamie knew that I had a crush on her; I know she did. It started shortly before the day I prepaid for my yearbook, and she happened to be the one who put her signature on my receipt. I hung on to that thing like it was all I had in this world. I even practiced writing her signature myself; I did it about twenty times on one page in this little notebook I had. Then what did I do? I accidentally left it in Mrs. Davis' room, and of course, Jamie had her very next class in there. The next day, Mrs. Davis asked me if the book was mine, but I have no doubt that seeing all those imitations of Jamie's signature in there, that she went to Jamie first about it, thinking it was hers. As we used to say back then, BARRASSED! So "If You Go" came out about a month before I graduated, and I couldn't get enough. It's your typical Jon Secada beat, and his voice has never sounded better. Synthesizers make up the bulk of the harmony in the background, as well as a few female backups. God, I hope you believe Believe in all that we can be Picturing us, together in love You're the reason I'm strong Makes me think I don't know This is where I belong Give me the time To say that you're mine, say that you're mine If you go, say goodbye, There'll be something missing in my life 'Cause you know that all I really want is you. The video was really good too; Jon Secada broke into his girlfriend's wedding and ran off with her. Seeing the two of them together on the bus, both happy, was a fleeting ray of hope in an otherwise dark time. I suppose now Jamie's happily married to John and they have two beautiful kids. Just like everybody else. 4.) "Believe" Elton John This is like, the omnipotent love song. The overall message of the song is that without love, we would have no anger, we wouldn't have a reason to be here. That message was delivered to us via a stunning video and impeccable writing on the part of Bernie Taupin. The music is slow and haunting; it sure seemed that way compared to the two Lion King songs that came out before it! But really, it is. It goes into a whole orchestra of overflowing just all-out emotion in the bridge; completely unprecedented stuff. The crush for this one was Niagara Falls. Not the waterfall, mind you, but the Waterhand. Idiot alert! Anyway, Niagara Falls was a character that I created; well, actually my sister Mary created her. I created the Waterhands, Mary created this particular one. So like Rydia, she was fictional, but unlike Rydia, I had a hand in what her Fate was going to be, as well as who she was going to turn out to be. This had a devastating impact on the relationship between Mary and me, because our ideas weren't all too similar. I wanted a "perfect life" for Niagara, Mary insisted there's no such thing. Besides Mom, Mary is the best friend I've ever had. So this was one of the toughest times of my life, emotionally. There are still old scars from that, but for the most part, we don't talk about it now and I think it's better that way. 5.) "I Alone" Live Finally, at the elderly age of 19, I got my first job. (Bet ya didn't think of 19 as all that elderly until you read the second half of that sentence, did ya?) Of course, it didn't take two days and I was flat out head over heels for Crystal. Never before then, and not since then have I ever found the courage to actually talk to a girl as much as I talked to her. I wanted her so bad, man! She was the sweetest thing since the Hershey bar. With my first paychecks, I was going all out and buying all kinds of neat stuff. One such thing was Live's Throwing Copper album, which contained the song "I Alone". I had never actually listened to something this hard and enjoyed it so much. But this song rocks. The unshaven thrashing of undiscovered chord sequences flew off the guitar strings behind the wailing vocals of Ed Kowalczyk, only one inch from screaming... I alone love you I alone tempt you I alone love you Fear is not the end of this. That was how I knew I couldn't let my fear control my life any longer, so I did everything I could, until one day she got into a wreck, and I never saw her again until the day she came back for her last paycheck. She was three feet away from me, and I couldn't even muster up the courage to say anything, because by that time, this crush had become quite possibly the most incredible one I'd ever experienced. And I was nothing short of speechless. 6.) "Head Over Feet" Alanis Morissette By the time Head Over Feet had been released, I think people were growing tired of what seemed like an attempt to dispel the theory of Alanis being an "angry white female". Especially with that video, man oh man! The song is one of those slow, yet at the same time, upbeat tunes, with a sort of funny melody and a totally new take on the whole love song thing from Alanis herself... You treat me like I'm a princess I'm not used to liking that The coolest thing about Alanis' writing was always her unpredictability; almost anyone would expect her to just say I'm not used to that in the second line. Instead, she says I'm not used to liking that, so not only are you looking at a whole new thing that she's not used to, but you're looking into a change in her own personality. Well, this one goes out to Samantha, who was another co-worker of mine down at the old Golden Pantry, and, get this, the daughter of the deli manager. In other words, I'm working for this lady and I got a crush on her daughter. I didn't dare make any moves too soon. But as the months passed, we got closer, and sometimes when we worked together at night, we would have Alanis' Jagged Little Pill blasting out the radio, with total disregard for how the customers might have reacted. One day, after finding out that Samantha liked M&M's, I decided to buy her a bag and leave it for her as I was heading out of work one day. So I left it in a bag with a nice note and a flower next to my name at the bottom. At that point, I guess I gave away too much, because she never said a thing about it next time we saw each other, but after a little "cooling off" period, we started cutting up like we always had. The coolest thing about Samantha was that she was a dead ringer for Alanis Morissette; the girl looked exactly like her. 7.) "Everlong" Foo Fighters So after Samantha left, along came Dina. She was a fellow Foo Fighters fan, but alas, she was married, so this was more or less one of those "stupid" ones where I shouldn't have let it happen. Especially when you consider, I was 21 and she was 31. Well, I let it happen anyway because I just couldn't help the way I felt. She was the most kind, gentle person you could ever meet and I find that insanely attractive. Not to mention she knew how to tuck in a shirt. Everlong toys around with its "base chord", continually adding different notes to it each time the song returns to the verse to play it out. The result is an increasingly intense and wildly upbeat tune, with excellent drumming coming from Taylor Hawkins here, who actually used to be Alanis Morissette's drummer. The video was also very cool, one of those where you totally escape into it. How many artists have ever lip sync-ed the words to a song while gathering wood in the forest? I drove by Dina's house one morning at 2am, and got pulled over by a cop. Go figure. 8.) "I Will Come To You" Hanson I can hear the "boos" coming from a mile away. No wonder I'm 25 and still a virgin, I actually listen to Hanson? Well, that's the way it turned out. Mary came home one day telling me about how her friend Beverly had gotten the Hanson CD and that it was actually pretty good. Later, I found out that one of the songs from the CD, I Will Come To You, was Beverly's song for her boyfriend Daryl, who lived up north by about 10 hours. Surely, Mary didn't expect me to remember this, but I did. One night when everyone was gone, I had my CD player set up with I Will Come To You ready to play just incase Beverly called to ask for Mary, then she might hear 10 seconds or so of that song in the background and think, "Oh wow, he's listening to my song! Maybe he's lonely too," yadda yadda yadda. I can't tell you how many times I've rehearsed other people's reactions in my own head, weighing the odds so to speak. Then, of course, the frigging conversation never happens to begin with so screw it all. (Yeah, I'm updating this review due to an unbelievable occurrence of non-member hits and it's making me kind of sad to see all that I've lost!! LOL) Well, to make a long story short, she did call, but I forgot to get out somewhere in the middle of the song, so unless she was really listening close, I doubt she heard the soft piano intro. I Will Come To You is by far one of Hanson's best songs. No matter what anyone says, the harmonizing of Zac, Taylor & Isaac's voices was dead on target. Not a lot of 11-year old boys that would be willing (let alone able) to drum to a slow song like this! Taylor's keyboards took the front line on chords and made this song absolutely beautiful to listen to. I could go on forever about the things that happened with me and Beverly, but I'd be here for a whole hour typing it up (and I can type 90 words a minute). 9.) "Adam's Song" Blink 182 HUH??? Now what the heck is this? Including this on a romance mix? No way, Jose. Well, it just "came out" that way. After we moved to Wisconsin, about a year passed, and I was invited to come with Mary, her boyfriend (at the time) Josh, and one of her friends, Kelly. Kelly could make the sun shine at 2:00 in the morning. Make no question about it. Well, this was about the closest thing to a date (other than taking Beverly to the movies one day) that I ever experienced. It was kind of like a "double date", but not really. So on the way home, we were listening to Blink 182, and we stopped at a gas station. Mary & Josh got out of the car, and Josh looks back in the window and says "I don't want my windows all fogged up when we come back now, okay?" Well, umm okay. So after they walked away, I fast forwarded the CD to What's My Age Again, only so we could get up to Adam's Song before we got home. Adam's Song, despite being a song about a guy committing suicide, also has the occasional line that could grab a hopeless lovesick fool such as myself. You'll be sorry when I'm gone. There's one for ya. "Gone" doesn't necessarily have to mean dead. The thing that really impressed me about this song was how utterly loud the chorus is. I don't think I've ever heard a song kick this much before. Of course there's the guitars, but then you got these screeching synthesizers, vocal harmonies somewhere up there, just all kinds of things going on to play a single chord. And yet, the chord is not actually downright noisy. It's just incredibly fierce. Well, everytime I heard these blaring chords, I could see Kelly's face in my mind, it always took me back to that night. And that's how Adam's Song wound up evolving into a sort of "love song" for me. It's so twisted, it's not even funny. 10.) "Crazy For This Girl" Evan & Jaron So I'm on an Evan & Jaron kick lately. Well, the latest crush in my "collection" has been a girl named Melissa, who works at the Moto Mart with me. Well, she did until she got into a wreck. I had very blurred memories about her when I first started there, because I've always been on the graveyard shift, so it was very rare I would see her unless I worked during the day. The way this girl says "Hi" to you, it's utterly disarming. Her voice is like a lone flower in the springtime, stealing every bit of beauty from the very grass around her. That could even be the kind of grass that makes you high; she would still win out over that. She made me so high I had to look down to see Heaven. Shortly after I got the job, she went down to summer camp and left a postcard. Of course, since I never remembered her name, I didn't realize it was "that sweet girl who used to work here", until later on when her name reappeared on the schedule. The first day that she came back, I remember telling her, "It's good to see you again." And she said "You too." in that ever-friendly tone. I was dead. So the first few times I heard Crazy For This Girl, I thought maybe it was a grown up Hanson singing this song; until later I found out who it really was. Just incase you haven't already seen my umpteen descriptions of this song, it's something like this. It's borderline slow/mid-tempo, with a soft tapping percussion, whispered strings that float through the background, and of course, the pure unadulterated harmony of the twin brothers. Suddenly, out of the blue, Mick Fleetwood smashes into the lead with drums, and right behind him, here comes the tidal wave of electric guitars. The song goes from a murmur to outright piercing, much like an unexpected crush. And so we were back to having lyrics that applied to the crush once again... Would ya look at her (with pleasure!) As she looks at me (sigh...) She's got me thinking About her constantly But she don't know how I feel (She will soon though!) And she carries on Without a doubt (Gotta love a confident girl!) I wonder if she'll figure out I'm crazy for this girl The use of the word "this" is so appropriate in a song like that too. If you say "crazy for that girl", then you're just talking about some girl off over there, well why don't you go kiss her or something? If you say "crazy for the girl", that's just bland. But by saying "crazy for this girl", they're talking about this girl right here. The word "this" almost implies that he's holding her in his hand, and saying "I'm talking about this." It's a great choice of words. That was all I wanted too, to be able to hold Melissa close to me. So I waited with quiet anticipation as the weather slowly grew colder and colder, hoping that it would be cold enough that if I asked her out to the movies and she went with me, then I'd have an excuse ("It's cold!" "Yeah, I know it...") to put my arm around her and hold her close to me as we walked back to the car. Well, none of this came to pass. I reckon I've already overstayed my welcome on this one. So there ya have it, the "story of my life", and still wondering what song is it gonna be when I finally do find the one... Here goes our short (but sweet!) list of participants. I was gonna mention that since there were five of us, we're kind of like a girl band but with four girls and a guy. No need to give the music industry any ideas though. GinaHill Girl_Goddess Chezon AinsleyJo (uh-oh, I invited AJ to do this? LOL) and of course.. ME For a list of all my reviews, head over here... http://www.flamepillar.com No graphics or popups or any of that crap, just the list.

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