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Re: I wish... (Reply to this comment)
by melissasrn
Wow.....good thing you followed your gut instinct and now have healthy babies. For that's truly all that matters in the end, right? No matter HOW they get here.
Thanks again for commenting!
Melissa
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Jun 06 '03
9:31 am PDT
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I wish... (Reply to this comment)
by pippadaisy
That women had more preparation before birth. With all the back to basics that is so prevalent, we are being told that anything but natural childbirth is something to feel guilty about... that we have somehow failed our birthright.
My first delivery was an emergency c-section, with my daughter in fetal distress. I still can't bear to relive the minutes it took to get her APGARs.
With my second, I did a lot of research about VBAC and the possibility of uterine rupture. While the odds are very low, I had a gut feeling and went with the scheduled section. Mind, I went into labor early, and when the OB got me open, we discovered adhesions so bad that my intestines were bound to my bladder, blocking their access to my uterus. Had I attempted a VBAC and had another situation with a baby in distress, odds are my son wouldn't be here.
I think that any way that a baby gets here... vaginal birth, c-section, adoption... what's meant to be is meant to be, and we should be thankful that we have been given such a miracle and not question how the miracle took place. :)
Thanks for sharing!
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Jun 05 '03
6:38 pm PDT
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Very (Reply to this comment)
by Lisa_J
nicely told Melissa! Enjoyable read from beginning to end. It is hard when the birth plan doesn't go as intended.
I appreciate your willingness to share and believe it will help many.
Hugs~
Lisa_J
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Oct 30 '01
12:44 pm PST
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Comment (Reply to this comment)
by dragonfire88
This is a very informative review. I learned some things from it. I don't know what you went though since I have never had children, but I do have a little different perspective on c-sections.
I was a breech baby, and suppossed to be born by c-section. My mom's doctor knew about it ahead of time - and I think there was some concern about her being to small to deliver naturally anyway. I'm not sure if a date had been set for the c-section. If one had been, then she went into labor early. Her doctor was sick or out of town or something - I can't remember now. So another doctor took over, and he refused to do a c-section. I was still in the breech position. Because of that, my hips were dislocated at birth - the doctor pulled on my legs during delivery, and he pulled my hips out of the sockets. Both hips. My mother had a very difficult time, she said we both almost died. I was black and blue for days. I think it was at least a week before they took a picture of me because of the bruises. And the bruises are still visible in the picture. I look like someone beat me.
My hips remained dislocated for years, until I had to under go several long operations to put them back in place when I was in the second grade. I was in the hospital for about 5 months that year. It was a very painful recovery. Then a year later I had to have more operations on my hips to remove metal braces and pins. When I was in the fifth grade, I had to have an operation on one of my knees because the bone was turning or something as a result of my hip being dislocated for so long. I now have huge, ugly scars on both of my hips. I walk with a limp because one leg is still shorter than the other. I have pain in my hips and the one knee often. There are alot of things that I can't do because of my hips. I can't run. I can't walk or stand for long. If I do happen to walk or stand for too long, I end up in horrible pain. I have already been told that I will develop arthritis in my hips and knee - I think I already have it and I am only 25 - and that I will have to have total hip replacements someday. All of this because a natural birth was forced on my mother. So don't feel guilty that you had c-sections. That is what was best for you and your children, so that nothing would happen to them during delivery.
I have also been told that when I have children, it will probably have to be by c-section. That is fine with me. I don't think I even want to attempt a vaginal birth because of what I went through. And I certainly don't want to have a child go through what I did. It's not worth it to me.
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Oct 05 '01
11:16 pm PDT
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You should be proud! (Reply to this comment)
by she_x
I think you are a very brave and couragous woman. You should be proud that you made a decision based on what you believed to be the best for you and your children, not based on 'what everyone else does'. So what if things didnt work out as you'd planned? You gave it your best shot, and thats all that matters.
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Sep 02 '01
11:20 pm PDT
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Oh my dear! (Reply to this comment)
by Redlass
I'm so, so sorry that you have had to go through such a tribulation. It is frustrating to plan and prepare and then have things not turn out the way we expected. Though, having just written that, it makes me think that perhaps childbirth is a preparation for the rest of parenting--we can plan and prepare all we want, but those wonderful creatures still manage to surprise us.
Thankfully, you have three healthy children. My midwife often told me that every childbirth is a successful one that ends in a healthy baby and a healthy mom. It doesn't matter whether the mother used painkillers or had a C-section, just so long as both mother and child came out on the other side healthy and intact.
Bridgette
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Aug 27 '01
9:35 am PDT
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{{Hugs}} (Reply to this comment)
by momsworkinlate
I also had three c-sections. My first I was three weeks past my due date (I also had the nonstress tests done). Induced for two days I ended up with a c-section for failure to progress (never dilated). My doctor did agree to VBAC with baby number two but again my cervix hadn't budged two weeks past my due date. After complications with the epideral I was happy to have a heathly child.
With my little one I knew it would be a c-section. From all I had read (and discussed with others) VBAC with baby number two was OK but I wasn't willing to put the stress on my uterus with baby number three. My doctor also didn't want to go past my due date but rather pull deliver back to one week before my due date. Baby 1 was 8.8, baby 2 was 9.8 he was concerned my youngest would be over 10 pounds and stress the uterus to much.
Emotionally I agree c-sections are very, very hard. Most people don't understand. Physically it is more difficult - you can have more pain while nursing etc. Emotionally you may feel like a failure. I did for quite a while.
Then I talked to my grandmother (Nana :chuckle: who I often refer to in Epinions - heck she was a very wise woman :smile). Nan had my dad then lost a baby girl (still birth). Her youngest child was born at ten months gestation. She had gone into labor but medicine just wasn't the way it is now. Back then babies were almost always born at home. With delivery complications my uncle was born with cerebral palsy. She reminded me that C-sections are a wonderful gift that God has given to mothers to ensure the healthy and safe arrival of their babies ;)
Shortly thereafter I read about a little girl the age of my oldest in the newspaper. There were complications with her delivery which was vaginal. Apparently it should have been a c-section and the doctor and hospital lost millions in a law suit to the child and her family.
My youngest is seven now so I have had time to fully come to terms with my birth experiences. I've chosen to accept the words my grandmother told me and the gift of medical knowledge and c-sections.
Not our birthing method of choice - but the safest and best way for our babies and us ;)
{{hugs}}
Laurie
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Aug 26 '01
5:53 pm PDT
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Thanks for sharing... (Reply to this comment)
by tbeyer
Hi Melissa,
Thanks so much for sharing this. I have only given birth once and, lucky for me, it did go smoothly with no meds or anything. So in that respect I can't even imagine what you felt like each time, but I know I would feel the same. When I made my birth plan I was totally against having an epidural, pitocin or a C-section, yet I knew these were all possibilities. Even though having these things does not make you a failure, I can see how you would feel that way. But really, like you said, the outcome of a healthy baby IS the most important thing, but I can see where your feelings are coming from. I would like to try a homebirth next time, but all of the "what-ifs" make it a hard decision, plus the nearest hospital is at least 30 minutes away and my own OB is almost an hour away.
I think it is great that you wrote about all 3 of your births, your hopes and expectations each time and then how you felt about the outcome. I'm sure reading this will help many other mommies out there who have experienced the same thing. As you said, all births are different, so who knows what I'll experience next time around!
Thanks for the excellent read,
Tiffany
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Aug 25 '01
8:58 am PDT
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I'm sorry (Reply to this comment)
by Vickie530
I'm sorry that you had to go through that. I'm glad that you and your children are well and healthy.
Victoria
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Aug 24 '01
11:16 pm PDT
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Thanks, Melissa (Reply to this comment)
by scottcolson
You are right, it is every woman's choice to deliver where she would like. Don't beat yourself up about failing your VBAC. 25% of all women who attempt VBAC fail and have a repeat C-section. That's a large percentage!
VBAC also brings about a 1% (maybe slightly less) risk of uterine rupture. This happens through the scar. Because of this, I would not support VBAC attempts in the home because uterine rupture can be fatal to both mom and baby. But like you said, it is every woman's choice.
I appreciate the time and feeling you put into this review. I know you have educated many people.
Thanks for sharing.
Scott (M.D.)
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Aug 24 '01
9:50 pm PDT
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I have..... (Reply to this comment)
by kay67
three kids, 2 that are mine by birth. Let me tell you, it was sooo painful. I was going to the midwives and they believed in no painkillers/drugs of any kind. I have to admit, I don't *remember* the pain now, but it was horrific at the time.....I was in labor with him and almost 18 hours later, he was born. 7 pound 13 ounce...That was my oldest son.
Now with my youngest, that pregnancy was different. I barely gained weight and they worried about me all the time.{Anemic with both}
Anyhow, my youngest was due Dec 18 and wasn't born till December 29th, 1988....8 pound 6 ounces...They tried to induce labor about the 22nd of Dec, but no go. I finally went into labor early on the 29th. 4 hours later, done. But couldn't go to my room right away. More gruesome details follow, but I'll spare those with queasy stomachs.{Unless you really want to know, email me}
The main thing is that your children are healthy, no matter how they were born. There are those that long to be parents and cannot have children for whatever reason.
Funny I worried my children would be born bald, but both were born with a headful of black hair and healthy.
Take care and thanx for sharing this very revealing and personal part of your life.
{{{{Hugzzz to you}}}}
{wanda}
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Aug 24 '01
5:46 pm PDT
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I had (Reply to this comment)
by nwinston
some of the same feelings but have let them go. And so will you when you're ready. I had a midwife who's also a surgical RN and practices with OBs. So I had the best of both worlds. And when 2 weeks of trying for a vaginal birth didn't work, I still had her there with me in surgery and for breastfeeding support afterwards. And she checked on my second son after we adopted him. Midwives are a great option. C-sections are also a great option for those of us who need them. That's the way I look at it anyway!
Congrats on having a great family!
Nancy
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Aug 24 '01
4:27 pm PDT
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I almost feel like Joan Rivers... (Reply to this comment)
by BlackCat2
because the only thing I want to say is "Can we Talk?"
I also had to have a c-section with my first. Problem is I have abandoned any hopes of having three kids total like I wanted.
Fact is I am simply too afraid. I wish I had your nerve, your strength, but I don't.
I am afraid of not being able to VBAC, I am afraid of having another c-section because what if I don't make it? I will leave a son and a husband alone.
I was in tears reading this and i really envy your strength and courage. I just don't have it.
~,,,^..^,,,~ BlackCat2
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Aug 24 '01
2:53 pm PDT
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Thanks for sharing (Reply to this comment)
by Barefooter
{{{{Melissa}}}}} I'm hoping you're feeling some relief from sharing all of that with us. I also hope you will toss that guilt out the window-- your midwife's "stats" have no bearing on what happened at your child's birth.
You may want to check out a book called "Rebounding from Childbirth" which is helpful in grieving and letting go of childbirth experiences.
Once again, thank you for sharing!
hugs,
Karen
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Aug 24 '01
2:48 pm PDT
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You have to be a beautiful person..... (Reply to this comment)
by lorace
To have written such a beautiful article.
I suffered with you all the way through it, but I took the guilt you are feeling and threw it away!
Like someone else said here, you know BOTH sides of the picture. I know only one.
Thank you for writing this,
Lorace
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Aug 24 '01
12:59 pm PDT
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Aww Melissa (Reply to this comment)
by shantel575
I hate that you have had such a hard time with all this! But I can sympathize...
I only have one baby (so far) but things with him did NOT go as planned either.
I was going to be the first female in my entire family to give vaginal birth. It had not been done yet and I was determined to be the first. All babies born on my mom's side (aunts, cousins, etc.) were all c-sections.
Well not only did my body not want to cooperate with labor, I also was hooked up to Pitocin. Then after I got my epidural and fully dilated...I pushed for 2 SOLID HOURS! AND I MEAN NON-STOP PRACTICALLY. It was torture. And then they told me he was not coming through my birth canal so they tried forceps (which I did NOT like either...but it was that or surgery) so I let them do it. Didnt' work. It was such a tight fit in there they couldn't even get the forceps IN!
So off to the OR I go....and I was not after the first woman in my family to give normal birth. I was told to NEVER attempt vaginal birth again that it was indeed impossible...and I won't. Next time I'll schedule a c-section and go in and have it.
But you know what? I do NOT feel cheated. I went through labor, pain and pushing. I did it all. The only part that didn't happen is my baby didn't come out that way. But I did the rest! So I feel like I experienced childbirth from BOTH perspectives!
You see, you and I know about both sides of the experience....look at it that way. Some women only experience one or the other and that's it...but we did it both ways practically!
Thanks for sharing this....and i hope you continue to get over the "guilt" you have felt. You are a trooper for doing what you did 3 times!
Good for you!
Shantel :-)
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Aug 24 '01
12:26 pm PDT
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At least you tried! (Reply to this comment)
by k1j2g3
Don't beat yourself up over this! I am just happy to hear that you tried a homebirth at all...most women think the idea of a non-medicated birth with a midwife is just plain crazy!
I had both of my children at birthing centers with midwives, and although I did have second thoughts about having no medication with the second baby, I am really glad that I chose the natural birth.
Your opinion may sway other soon-to-be-moms that natural childbirth is not only a wonderful option, but possible for most women.
Just think about the 3 beautiful children you ended up with, and not how you got there! :-)
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Aug 24 '01
11:43 am PDT
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^A^ (Reply to this comment)
by flamepillar
Turns out my birthday is April 5th; they didn't think I was gonna make it because I was a few weeks overdue. Then one night, my Dad went and sat down in the waiting room, only to see a Bible on the table opened up to the book of Timothy, which of course is the name they picked for me. Then he knew, it was all going to be okay.
I'm probably the last person in the world to know what to say. What we expect from ourselves is almost never the same as what others expect. We all have our own ideas of the way things are, the way that they could have been, the way that they should have been. But I guess Nine Days said it best when they said "The answers we find are never what we had in mind, so we make it up as we go along."
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Aug 24 '01
11:29 am PDT
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Thank You for Your Courage (Reply to this comment)
by OpalMan
In sharing such a personal story. I had never thought about the emotional side for the mother of having a Caesarian as opposed to a vaginal birth. You really opened my eyes.
Keep up the great work,
James
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Aug 24 '01
11:27 am PDT
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WOW..... (Reply to this comment)
by tucker300
What a story. I truly enjoyed reading it but at the same time, it scared me. I know that that is not what you mean't to do but you see, I am pregnant and due in Oct. We have a son, whom we adopted because they said we would never have children and here we are. The whole "giving birth" process scares me for some reason. Everything else I am okay with.
Again thanks for sharing your personal story.
Michele
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Aug 24 '01
10:58 am PDT
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Thank You...... (Reply to this comment)
by Kelamandasmom
So much for sharing your story. I myself have had two labor and deliveries not go my way, and my best adviceto any mom to be would be to expect the unexpected!
Kelly
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Aug 24 '01
10:03 am PDT
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