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The Groundcover is Always Greener or Pink Panda Strawberry Fields Forever!Aug 24 '01 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line Mowing lawns is exhausting work. Plant groundcover instead and spend lawn-maintenance time drinking beer and watching your neighbor mow himself to an early grave.
The very first thing anyone contemplating owning a lawn needs to know is that the buggers need to be mowed – frequently. This frequency can be decreased by droughty weather and refusal to irrigate or increased by applying copious amounts of precious water alarmingly often. You can even convince yourself that you like the look of the lawn when it just brushes your lower thighs, that you are supplying valuable cover for rabbits and small predators. However the sad truth is that sooner or later the neighbors will complain and sic the Home Owner’s Association on you. Then you will be back in the vicious feedback cycle that all lawn-owners spend the growing season in; water the lawn to make the grass grow so that you can mow it down and then apply some fertilizer and water to make it grow again so you can mow it again so you can water it again to make it grow so that it needs to be cut again, and so on until finally the voice of reason steps in to ask that crucial question, “WHY!?” When Splendid Grass is Just the Ticket There certainly are a few good reasons to have acres of lawn. Wimbledon and Burning Tree Country Club would not be fun places to play if the courts were cobblestone and the fairways and greens wildflower meadows. In these instances, the Chief Dragon in Residence is willing to grudgingly allow a small tolerance. After all, most golf courses really are things of beauty, even for passers-by, and provide valuable habitat for wildlife. Wimbledon, on the other hand, could do perfectly well with clay courts and they really should consider it. Another really good place to keep grass is in pastures. In fact, the nicest lawn grasses make the tastiest pasture. So you could always stock a few head of sheep, horses, or cattle on your excess acreage of lawn. Geese and ducks are also fond of grass and give the added bonus of fresh eggs and oven roasters for the holidays. How Much Lawn is Just Enough If it takes you longer than 30 minutes to cut with a manual push mower then you have too much. If you have to fire up a riding mower every Saturday and spend half the day driving around in squared-off circles, you have too much. If strangers keep stopping by and asking how much you charge for a round of 18 holes you have too much. If your local extension agent says you could cut about 1200 bales of hay three times a season then you have too much. The right amount of lawn is what fits nicely under the birdbath and a few attractive pieces of permanent lawn furniture. It is about the size of a generous living room and is surrounded on all sides by flowerbeds and shrubberies. In fact, the perfect amount of lawn should be an extension of your home, an outdoor living space that has a living carpet instead of Orientals or broadloom. Care and Feeding of the Perfect Lawn Once you get your lawn down to a manageable size it will be a snap to care for. You will be able to sell your John Deere and will no longer have to drag home heavy gas cans to keep it running (like a deer). A manual push mower or electric mower with 25’ extension cord should handle the most of it and a little string-trimming should do the edges. If you work it right, trimming will be all but eliminated and could even be done with manicure scissors. Every fall you can pick up a small box of multi-purpose weed-n-feed to keep things growing. Instead of having to rent or buy a spin-spreader you can use a hand-powered plastic gizmo and be done in 10 minutes. Ponder this gentlemen, lawn-fertilizing season and football season just happen to coincide. Would you rather spend most of your weekend thatching, aerating, liming, and fertilizing acres of grass or ten measly minutes walking around in your golf shoes while turning a crank by hand? If you work this right, you can be in your recliner, beer in hand, and the warm glow of a job well done suffusing you face while your lawn-whipped neighbor is still lugging the 50-pound sacks of lawn food out of his SUV (sacks of stuff that he was at Home Depot or Lowe’s at 7 A.M. buying while you were able to sleep in and then enjoy a leisurely breakfast with your beloved wife and kids). The Path to Lawn Nirvana How, you are probably wondering, can that gigantic green gobbler of free time be converted into the ideal, well-mannered thing of beauty and joy forever that your Auntie Dragon has just described? How indeed! Just don’t plant one in the first place! If you are buying a new home don’t let the contractor talk you into lots of sod. Be firm, insist that you know exactly what you want, flower beds, trees, shrubs, and lots and lots of groundcover. If you are already lumbered with a small par-3 golf course, start shrinking its dimensions by killing off the grass and replacing it with compact, low-maintenance groundcovers. This won’t happen in one season (unless you can afford to have professionals come in to do it while you are down the shore for the summer) but even the most recalcitrant lawn monster can be tamed in two or three growing seasons with some careful planning and a willingness to work your family to exhaustion (don’t worry, they will forgive you when the bloody arguments over whose turn it is for lawn detail become a distant memory). Make a List and Check it Twice This winter, while the evil green monster sleeps the unjust sleep of the wicked under its blanket of snow, put that time to good use. Lay some tracing paper over your plat and make a plan. Peruse catalogs for the best deals on ground covers, shrubs, and trees. Consider converting your property into a haven of native vegetation (a real plus here is that you will thereby eliminate almost all need for fertilizing and watering, forever!). Start by expanding away from all existing trees, shrubs, and flowerbeds. Get those plants ordered so that they will arrive as soon as you have prepared their new home. Preparation of the new yard will require that you get rid of the existing lawn grass. You can always do it in with herbicide and there is no doubt at all that a great deal of satisfaction can be derived from the simple act of spraying gallons of Round-Up on the stuff. However, there are certain hazards associated with the use of these poisons, besides the market for dead grass is essentially non-existent. The best way to remove your lawn monster is with a sod cutter. You can rent one for a weekend and all the sod you cut out can be sold to idiots who are addicted to the fumes of their riding mowers. Not only will you be rid of the grass but will realize a tidy sum which will defray some of the cost of the new plants. After the grass has been carted away by its new slaves you can start installing the less co-dependent landscape. Make sure you follow the directions for planting and once you are finished cover any bare ground with attractive mulch. As the new plantings grow and you fill in bare spots with more additions the need for bark mulch will lessen. Your ultimate goal is to have a carefree yard that will only require an occasional nip or tuck to keep it looking handsome and inviting. The Dragon Humbly Suggests If you choose your groundcovers carefully they will increase and multiply, covering the ground with fragrant and/or beautiful flowers and fruits. A few particularly nice groundcovers are chamomile (bright green with tiny white flowers, when stepped on it smells like apples), Pink Panda strawberries (bright pink flowers, tasty berries, beautiful foliage year-round), cranberries (in full sun, a beautiful mat of tiny dark green leaves, I leave it to your ambition and imagination as to whether or not you want to create a bog and get fruit as well), lingonberries (part shade, evergreen, tasty berries), creeping thyme (beautiful in bloom and loved by honey bees), irish moss, baby tears, dichondra, and recumbent forms of raspberry. Study those catalogs and ask questions. Don’t be afraid to go native. And, by all means, promise yourself that this is the last summer you are going to dance attendance on a bunch of green blades of grass that have never done anything nice for you, ever! Copyright 2001 Pamela Matlack, All Rights Reserved.  |
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