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Re: In+Gracious+respsonse+to+"TDGWO:+The+Egg+Incident" (Reply to this comment)
by repulsemonkey
"EAT MONKEY $HIT AND DIE!"
Yeah. Good one. Do you write your own material, or did you have a team of trained professionals working around the clock on that one? At any rate, I certainly hope you're represented, because you obviously possess a great amount of talent for that comedic thing. Keep bringin' the love!
monkey
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Jun 15 '01
1:58 am PDT
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Re: Some+Set+O'+Huevos-- (Reply to this comment)
by repulsemonkey
Big Jim Dogg, Back up in tha hiza babewwwwww... what the? What is that in my hair?
Damn it, Jim, you're no longer invited to the grocery party.
Oh hey, no, Jim, don't cry, I was just kidding, buddy.
Really, you da monkey.
monkey
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May 10 '01
3:09 pm PDT
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Some Set O' Huevos-- (Reply to this comment)
by 29th_Candidate
Mah Main Monkey--
Whenever I had to "suck weight" to drop down into a lower weight class for wrestling matches, two days before the weigh-in, I would watch "Cool-Hand Luke." Have you figured out the reference yet? I never liked eggs to begin with. After watching Paul Newman win the hard-boiled egg eating contest, my appetite wouldn't return for a minimum of 3 days... .
Congratulations! I think with the amazingly strong influence of your W-O submission, we might actually break all previous records you talented simian, you! *wet burp* Thanks... ever... so... (Back 5 paces please...) *BARF* ....much.
Hey-y-y-y-y-y-y-y... How 'bout that; first time I ever gave anyone an egg-shampoo! Hold on... here... ...lemme get you a towel... Oh my...
A Very Entertaining Read,
You Dah It-Monkey, Marty-Buddy!
Your Pal, The Egg-Heavin' 29th
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May 09 '01
1:42 pm PDT
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Re: Aaargh! (Reply to this comment)
by repulsemonkey
Ahem. Sorry to have to put you through that, Nick, but it's a memory I must live with every day of my life.
monkey
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May 07 '01
8:24 pm PDT
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Aaargh! (Reply to this comment)
by NFP
Childhood can be SOOOOO traumatic!
The image of the eggs being stuffed down your throat brought back every bad memory of my younger years that I ever had.
Thanks,
nick
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May 07 '01
12:10 pm PDT
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Re: Re:+Re:+All+brilliant,+but... (Reply to this comment)
by repulsemonkey
Ugh, if I wasn't queasy before, I sure am now.
monkey
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May 05 '01
4:55 pm PDT
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Re: "The+Tragic+Life+of+an+Underfed+Simian" (Reply to this comment)
by repulsemonkey
Mark, I'm getting a little queasy just thinking about drinking raw eggs. Blech.
And don't worry, nothing could prevent the monkey from being the menace to society that he is--not therapy, not advisorship, not nothin'.
monkey
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May 05 '01
4:54 pm PDT
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Re: Monkeys+need+their+eggs (Reply to this comment)
by repulsemonkey
I want you to know I'm waiting for the follow-up review of the Mayonaise Incident, Melissa.
Aside from that, you should also know that attempting to get me to eat the damn eggs has put you in the crosshairs right along with lessa.
Thanks again for throwin' this crazy party, prof, a good time has been had by all (except for Jim, who hasn't shown up yet)
monkey
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May 05 '01
4:48 pm PDT
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Re: It's+even+funner+on+second+reading (Reply to this comment)
by repulsemonkey
To tell you the truth, Fiona, I was kinda getting bummed 'cause I hadn't heard from ya.
But a compliment like that was well worth the wait.
Thanks.
monkey
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May 05 '01
4:45 pm PDT
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Re: Oh,+one+more+thing... (Reply to this comment)
by repulsemonkey
That's it! I'm going to have to report you to epinions abuse for the second time today.
Don't you know that we advisors are absolutely dedicated to making this site a better place for everyone? We're not just in it out of self-interest, you know. We truly care.
(...and when I say "giving it away" I hope that you know I mean in a purely heterosexual sense.)
monkey
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May 05 '01
4:44 pm PDT
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Re: It+IS+fun+to+see+a+Dutch+madwoman+gagging+your+parent’s+kid+with+eggs. (Reply to this comment)
by repulsemonkey
Sordy, after remembering that I did include the egg incident in one of your comment sections, I'm tempted to go and delete the comment now that I can just direct folks to this review.
After all, with all this cash to be earned, I don't want to be giving it away.
monkey
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May 05 '01
4:40 pm PDT
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Re: Chance (Reply to this comment)
by repulsemonkey
It's a well known fact that the chickens are in cahoots with the other barnyard animals in a bizarre plot to... well, we shouldn't go into that here.
monkey
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May 05 '01
4:37 pm PDT
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Re: And+you+wonder+why... (Reply to this comment)
by repulsemonkey
I'm telling you we get no love.
monkey
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May 05 '01
4:35 pm PDT
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Re: Catboon+likes+eggs. (Reply to this comment)
by repulsemonkey
Hey, don't get me wrong: I'm all for ants on a stick.
monkey
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May 05 '01
4:35 pm PDT
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Re: Eggcelent (Reply to this comment)
by repulsemonkey
And you wonder why I'm such a tortured individual.
monkey
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May 05 '01
4:34 pm PDT
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Re: I+would've+done (Reply to this comment)
by repulsemonkey
If I weren't still paralyzed with fear, I'd go hunting for revenge right now.
monkey
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May 05 '01
4:33 pm PDT
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Re: Good+Lord... (Reply to this comment)
by repulsemonkey
Thanks, kelly. Only the Germans would make you eat something before telling you what it is.
I have this rule about unidentified meat: Don't do it.
monkey
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May 05 '01
4:32 pm PDT
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Re: This+was+sick,+I+tell+you,+sick. (Reply to this comment)
by repulsemonkey
Chimp? Casino? Kathy Lee?
No no no, the profile pic's an impressionist rant against consumerism in the form of a quivering mound of hair and jelly with a price tag on it.
C'mon, Lobstergirl, get your act together. A stogie?--that's soooo Art History 101. This is much much more postmoderific.
monkey
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May 05 '01
4:30 pm PDT
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Re: Which+came+first? (Reply to this comment)
by repulsemonkey
Give eggs another try, huh? I thought you were my friend, but now I realize you're just another egg promoter lulling me into a false sense of security, only to slip an egg into my drink when I'm not looking. You're no better than Mrs. Duranda herself. Hey, perhaps you are, in fact, Mrs. Duranda herself.
I've got my eye on you, now, Whipstress or should I say Eggstress. I will not be fooled by your ruse! Eggs are the devil. And you are their minion.
Thanks for reading.
monkey
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May 05 '01
4:21 pm PDT
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Re: ...+and+don't+forget+the+powdered+sugar+...+ (Reply to this comment)
by repulsemonkey
Christoff!!!!!!.... !!!!!!
Dagnabbit, man, it's good to see ya back (even if it is only to put horrible, horrible visions into my head). Reading this slapped the fat, sh*t eating grin back onto my monkeyface.
I fully expect to see you writing again, presently--or else I'll have to begin harassing you incessantly.
monkeygestapo
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May 05 '01
4:15 pm PDT
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Re: Re:+Re:+Egg-actly...+hehehe...+D'OH!! (Reply to this comment)
by repulsemonkey
El Rulebreaker-do:
I thought that the superheroes took all the glory, while the sidekicks got to cause all the trouble.
monkey
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May 05 '01
4:11 pm PDT
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Re: Re:+All+brilliant,+but... (Reply to this comment)
by Hard_To_Please
I forgot to say in the comment below how much I liked your new snapshot, but I have since read your comment suggesting that picturing me on a toilet would be a mood-altering experience. I will now be printing out your new photo and taking it to the toilet with me and we'll just see how your face looks when I'm done with it!...Mark
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May 04 '01
7:09 pm PDT
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"The Tragic Life of an Underfed Simian" (Reply to this comment)
by Hard_To_Please
Cranky Little Monkey-
We all have our demons, but no one should have to suffer the hellish childhood you endured!
When I was in college, I was deeply affected from too many viewings of "Rocky" and "The Incredible, Edible Egg" commercials. Subsequently, for about six months, I drank down six raw eggs everyday. I finally quit my habit when I accepted that I'd never have the physique of Sly Stallone and it's only by the grace of God that I didn't succumb to a serious case of salmonella.
Your tortured youth is our gain- only a seriously disturbed and irreparably warped individual could conjure up such bizzare images as smacking a pilot silly with faux pancakes- please don't ever get therapy!...Mark
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May 04 '01
7:00 pm PDT
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Catboon likes eggs. (Reply to this comment)
by catboon
you know, i really like eggs. i used to eat snake eggs all the time. another delicacy is ants on a stick. you slip a thin twig down an ant hill and pull out some tasty treats. but i digress, those were my younger years. now-a-days i just go with my master to the local A&P, which is just as good.
-the catboon-
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May 04 '01
9:20 am PDT
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Eggcelent (Reply to this comment)
by annexation
Monkey-
Your memoirs are fun and exciting. Thanks for bringing smiles to our faces, even though I know it must pain you to traverse this particular avenue of "memory lane".
I've never heard of trauma dealt so damn creepily. We should take that egg incident and make a 1 minute commercial out of it. "The Incredible Despicable Egg".
VH
-Mark
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May 04 '01
6:17 am PDT
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I would've done (Reply to this comment)
by thom413
eggsactly the same thing, except at that age I was known for shin-kicking, and Mrs. Duranda would have been sporting a leg brace for weeks.
Good thing she didn't spoil steak for you too!
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May 04 '01
5:01 am PDT
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Good Lord... (Reply to this comment)
by kellydeal
And I thought it was bad when my German mother toted my 5 year old a s s along with my brother & sister back to her homeland.
We sat down for some mysterious meat on Easter. We were later told it was...rabbit...yeah, on Easter.
Those crazy Germans.
This is truly, truly a hoot.
kelly
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May 03 '01
7:07 pm PDT
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This was sick, I tell you, sick. (Reply to this comment)
by Lobstergirl
This was a hoot. I love eggs.
I've been told your pic is supposed to be a smiling chimp in a casino setting, but all I see is Kathie Lee Gifford smoking a banana.
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May 03 '01
2:43 pm PDT
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Which came first? (Reply to this comment)
by lessaleigh
The egg or the monkey's disdain for the egg?
Anyway...I am also an only child, though not prone to pouting or being finicky. My grandfather used to feed the grandkids green olives so he could take pictures of us making a "face". Being a true contrarian, I not only did not make a face, I asked for more olives.
This is a great story and is very well told. Your fit of pique at the airline is hilarious. And what is up with the Big Blue Bird? Your aversion to eggs is quite understandable, really, but might I suggest that you give tham another try?
They really are good for you.
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May 03 '01
12:22 pm PDT
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... and don't forget the powdered sugar ... (Reply to this comment)
by Christoff
.
... i do declare ...
I applaud your debacle. Crazy brat kid. If you weren't so damn finicky maybe you wouldn't have to consider those 'cream of mushroom butt implants'. Put on some damn weight.
Mrs. Duranda had it right - she knew what would happen to you.
Aversion Therapy is what you need. Picture yourself - nay - picture her (Mrs. Duranda) - now add fifteen years. 15 years meaner. 15 years more wrinkled. 15° more curvature to her spine. Now - dip her french-toast-style into an oil drum full of raw, room temperature egg swirlin's.
Q: How do you know when you're cured?
A: When you're up to your ears in egg slop and your picking her pit hair from inbetween your teeth.
Feel Better, nottakinganyofyourcrepemonkey?
¥
i sure don't
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May 03 '01
8:48 am PDT
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