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The Coyote's After You!Aug 25 '01 Write an essay on this topic.The Bottom Line This is not the cable company to choose. Recent sporadic access and constantly busy technical support lines leave subscribers without service on a regular basis. Subtitled: Diary of a Mad Speed Freak The following qualifies as a diary as it depicts my experience with Time Warner Cable®, Road Runner® and the various sub-contractors who made this an unforgettable episode in my life. The questionable situation occurred over a year ago; the service since that time has deteriorated to the point of sporadic access on an all too regular basis. What you are about to read is true. Names have been changed to protect the guilty and innocent alike. Monday - January 10, 2000 - 10:01 AM After subject spent the entire night reading Epinions, the intrusion of the phone ringing brought her into a semi-conscious state. The caller, a Time Warner Tampa Bay representative named Jim, inquired as to whether the subject still desired Road Runner® cable modem service. Availability and installation of digital cable access in her area, as of the above-mentioned date, was the offer of the day. Though still well within the REM processes, subject inquired about free installation and insisted upon receiving it as the gratis service remained part of the package offered in neighboring counties. Subject threatened to wait for DSL availability had Jim not agreed to her demands. Blackmail aside, the appointment for installation on the following Friday at 2:00 PM, agreed upon by both parties, constituted a legal and binding oral contract. Subject then assumed her original position and resumed her previous activities for an additional two hours. Friday - January 14, 2000 - 2:01 PM As if in tandem, two vehicles arrived bearing the appointed experts from Time Warner Tampa Bay’s sub-contractors. Subject’s palpable excitement must have come across as more than apparent to Gomer Computerwhiz and Goober Installationman. Subject not only cleaned the entire house in preparation of this landmark occasion; she removed the computer tower cover and rearranged the system and peripherals in anticipation of the fastest installation in Road Runner history. Once the twosome affirmed that, yes, this woman desired fast, fast, fast Internet connections, the process began. Boxes, tool belts and various clipboards containing subject’s order and user information worked their way into the house. Subject gleefully watched in awe as these two specialists prepared to make her another happy Road Runner subscriber. Gomer Computerwhiz installed the necessary Network Interface Card, (PowerNIC by CNet, a high performance LAN card with Plug and Play support.) Subject whistled a happy tune while thinking, “Two minutes down and it’s going great!” Gomer skillfully installed the essential software and made all required changes to the Dial-Up Networking settings. Subject felt the urge to kiss Gomer but instead offered him a cigarette, (in a true Cary Grant style after-glow routine minus the glow.) Gomer politely refused. His work complete, Gomer moved aside to allow Goober Installationman access to the wall behind the desk that so beautifully supports subject’s system. Gomer Computerwhiz created the presence of Road Runner on subject’s operating system with only one small, “Uh oh, where’s the shortcut?” Goober found his way into subject’s attic and happily pounded, crawled and sang Willy Nelson signature tunes over our heads. Subject felt confident about the fact that she was headed to the express lane of the Information Super Highway. Friday - January 14, 2000 - 2:16 PM Goober Installationman descends the attic stairs soaked in sweat with a wild look in eyes. Could subject loan Goober a flashlight? Goober misplaced his somewhere, probably at a client’s house or maybe at home. He really was unsure but appeared happily nonplussed. Subject offered a wide variety of flashlights in every shape, size and wattage. Goober commenced with stringing cable in the attic. Gomer remained seated near the computer, listening to Goober sing and bang away from the nether side of the ceiling. An occasional yelp or four-letter scream of protest erupted from the attic. Subject hoped the flashlight would arrive back in her hands in one piece. Shrill scraping; bumping sounds followed by a loud thump caused Gomer and the subject to lock eyes. Gomer emitted a rushed, “What the hell?” Subject felt a lump form in her throat. Elation no longer reigned as the emotion of the day. Friday – January 14, 2000 – 2:30 PM Goober enters the computer room covered in sawdust and gawd-knows-what else. His tool belt falls from his hips to the floor with a clatter. With a sheepish grin, Goober notes he also left his Exacto knife somewhere, probably at a client’s house or maybe at home. Subject offers use of her Exacto knife but Goober declines. In a flash, Goober is deep into the bowels of said subject’s under-desk hacking away at the wall with a common screwdriver. Subject protests but the damage is done. Subject begins humming a dirge that suspiciously mimics the “Road Runner” song in the form of a chant. Subject then retreats to the kitchen to ingest two Tums and two Motrin. Goober, once again, retreats to the attic with subject’s flashlight. The aforementioned scraping, bumping, and thumping sans singing re-emerges in stereo from both the ceiling and the new hole in the wall. Gomer now, positioned beneath the desk, fishes a large concrete drill bit attached to a come-along attached to a length of cable from the entrails of the wall. The previously pummeled hole enlarges meeting the dimensions of the drill bit. Subject finds herself crooning to no one in particular, “Road Runner, the coyote’s after you...” Friday – January 14, 2000 – 3:30 PM Subject feverishly tries to remember the mantras learned years earlier from Guru Maharaji, the Perfect Master. Gomer leaves with a look of remorse and a fond farewell. He heads to service another victim within this zip code. Goober Installationman remains behind with the goal of completing the job before sundown. Several more visits to the attic interspersed with numerous trips up a ladder on the side of the house and the installation is complete. One more telephone call and a test run to finalize settings and Goober becomes a bad memory. Goober’s van pulls out of the driveway at precisely 3:58 PM, two minutes short of the two-hour installation promised. Subject dances the ancient dance of speed demons and hits the Internet. Friday – January 14, 2000 – 4:30 PM Subject takes a break to walk Pogo, the family dog. Upon their return, subject decides to turn on the television to amuse Pogo while subject surfs at death-defying speeds. Subject then discovers no television reception and telephones Time Warner Cable. The nice customer service representative promises to send out an APB (All Points Bulletin) in pursuit of any technician in the general area. Friday – January 14, 2000 – 4:35 PM A Time Warner Cable van arrives and subject rushes to greet the kind serviceman who will remain nameless. He surveys the situation and announces that he is “too big” to fit into our attic and will send reinforcements. Subject telephones Time Warner again with stories of an ill relative whose only enjoyment in life is watching television. The wise and thoughtful customer service representative reassures subject and sympathizes. Subject feels guilty beyond words, for a second. Friday – January 14, 2000 – 5:14 PM A Time Warner cable van arrives and subject rushes to greet the kind serviceman who claims to be the supervisor of the two previous service personnel. Supervisorman takes stock of the situation and completes the Road Runner installation. Subject looks upon Supervisorman as a god. With the little oomph added by this Thor of Cabledom, access speed accelerated to levels heretofore unknown and unseen by subject. Supervisorman then completes the feat by hooking up the television cable, testing all systems and offering to check the plumbing. (Very true, Supervisorman serves as a plumber and sprinkler installer on the side.) Friday – January 14, 2000 – 5:30 PM Subject walks Supervisorman to his van while making the offer to bear his children or at the very least to knit him a van cozy. Supervisorman rides off into the sunset. Subject begins recovery from the feeling that she somehow walked into Andy Warhol's life. Jim, Gomer, Goober, Chunky Service Man and Thor of Cabledom became fast fading memories. Subject now enjoys fast Internet access without tying up a phone line. Both the second phone line, formerly dedicated to the modem, and the former Internet Service Provider also remain part of the past. While subject appreciates your sticking with this narrative, she wonders if this episode has taken its toll. She wonders if others experienced similar walking nightmares. She also feels sharing this fact-based review might forewarn others who dream of Road Runner as the answer to a web surfer’s prayer. Did subject suffer needlessly during the process of becoming a Road Runner subscriber? Maybe. Would subject re-live this afternoon to get fast Internet Access? You bet! While the process was akin to root canal if you love your walls intact, the result of constant connection to the Internet at astounding download, upload and page load speeds tends to make the rest all seem humorous, after the fact. Subject recommends Road Runner cable modem service to all who come upon this review. She also apologizes for speaking in third person and promises to never attempt that feat, again. Happy surfing! Saturday - August 25, 2001 - 7:21 PM Please, dear reader, forgive my inability to truly give you the information you require relating to Choosing a Cable Modem Service Provider. There is no way to give you options regarding cable access services since in most areas the option is singular, not plural. Time Warner Tampa Bay and Road Runner partnered to provide "always on Internet access" and I feel their service is unacceptable at best. Sporadic connectivity is not what I pay for and not what I expect. If you have an alternative for broad-band access where you reside, take the alternative. If you have no choice but Time Warner Tampa Bay Road Runner for high-speed access; stick with your reliable 56K until Road Runner® hires adequate technical support and provides what it promises. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ For the current status of my ongoing battle with Time Warner Tampa Bay Road Runner, please read my recent review titled: The Score: Coyote – 2 ~ Road Runner – 0 http://www.epinions.com/content_38315789956  |
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