Brothers-in-Law Barbeque: Distance is its Best AssetAug 29 '01 Write an essay on this topic.
Popular Products in Kitchen
The Bottom Line Worth a try if they've got short ends in, which is almost never
Some mornings – which is to say afternoons – I wake up with my window open and the glorious waftage of links and chickens and other stuff curling around my bedroom. I live about a half block from Brother-in-Laws Barbeque, and it's the half-block in the right direction for a San Francisco lake-effect breeze to yank all the smoke out of the Brothers' tin chimney and guide it all right through my fat bay window. Which reminds me of something my buddy Mike used to say about someone I used to date: He used to say, "Dude, distance is her best asset," except he probably never said "dude" cause that's not really his style. But sometimes, he would also say, "Hey guy, she looks good from far, but far from good." Sometimes he would also say she looked like she fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down, but that doesn't really relate to my story here about the Brothers-in-Law Barbeque. The first two things do. So put on your thinking shoes and stay with me, Aaight? So the Brothers-in-Laws, everything that comes out of there smells incredible. During the lunch hour – which is to say, around 6:00 -- when I take off my bathrobe and change into camos and cardigan and my eatin' hat and head out for grub, I'm never really thinking that the Brothers is what I want. I'm thinking turkey sammich, or falafel, or maybe a chicken-pesto crepe. But when I get to the corner of my block, there it is, still smelling incredible. Only, in addition to smelling good, there's a line out the door and there's actual smoke you can see just dumping over onto the roof of the place. And then, there's the memory that this place has won Best Barbeque in S.F. in the local rags for like 40 years running. So sometimes I drag myself in there. Most times, it's just not as good as it smells. The Service Most of the time when I drag myself into the Brothers, there are really only about five or six people in line. But five or six people at this place could take a half hour to get to. I haven't quite figured out why, but sometimes, the people who run the place just stand around toward the back, talking and lollygagging and whatnot, just leaving the front counter void of servicepeople. And sometimes they have 4 people all working on an assembly line of meat cutters and sauce scoopers and side order fetchers and food packers ... and it takes even longer to get your order taken than when they're all lollygaggin'. So if you're lucky, and they get to the 5 people in front of you in about 10 minutes, one of them will walk up to the counter and ask "WHATCHUWANT!" That's usually when I say, "Half order of shorts please" (meaning short end ribs). Usually, they'll yell back to the meat cutter person "WE GOT ANY SHORTS?" And the meatcutterperson will look over at me and say "WE ALL OUT." Which is when I say, "Thanks" and leave, utterly dejected at my 8 month dry spell at managing to score some shorts. But that's okay, I'd rather they just don't give me short ends than what they do sometimes, which is give me regular fatty middle ribs and charge me for shorts, which cost about 2 buck more. They disappoint me time and time again, with their no shorts, surly, the customer ain't never been more wrong, slow moving, give me cole slaw when I asked for potato salad asses. On the other hand, every damn one of ‘em looks like the Klumps, and man I love those Klumps. Also, there's a new Klump in town, at least during the summer, and he's made everything better, at least for me. Kid's about 14 years old and he's a dead ringer for Refrigerator Perry, only he makes Refrigerator look small. He last couple times I've been in there, I yell out with authority, no matter how many people are in line: "YOU GOT ANY SHORTS?". And the kid'll say, "Yeah, we got 2 orders left." Last time, a little old woman in front of me in line walked up and said, "I'll have an order of short ends" and the kid shot a glance my way, then said to the woman, "Sorry, we all out of shorts." The lady hung around the front counter until I placed my order. "Two shorts?" The kid whispered, but she overheard him: "SHORTS? SHORTS? BUT YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF SHORTS." "Yes, ma'am," said the kid, "We were, but we just got some more in." I love that kid. The Grub: Meat in a Cup So yeah, they have short ends, at the Brother-in-Laws Barbeque. Short ends aren't even just ribs, either. They're like big honkin' slabs of beef jerky, smothered in barbeque sauce, only even better than beef jerky, if you can believe such a thing is possible. They cost around $8.75, and they are, by far, the best thing on the menu. If you're not a red meat eater, try the chicken. It's the second best thing on the menu and costs around $6.50. The chicken is nice and smoky and so tender it near falls off the bone. The rest of the stuff is mediocre at best. The ribs, at $6:75, are tasty, but far too many of them are little more than fat and gristle. The Brisket ($9.00) is darn tender, but it's cooked for so long that sometimes it turns to beef-dust by the time you're a third of the way through. It's also not very flavorful. And it's not as good as my mom's. The links are just a waste. Sausages should be the most flavor-filled thing you can eat, and dammit, hot links ought to be hot. He ones you get at Brothers-in-Law are basic, cheap, kielbasa type things. Even with the hot barbeque sauce slathered on top, you'll wonder where all the taste went. So those are the five things that Brother-in-Laws Barbeque has sold since the beginning of time. Only now they don't have just 5 things, because last month – which is to say, some time recently – they started serving Fried Cajun Seafood. That means Fried Catfish Fingers AND fried Catfish nuggets, plus, fried oysters and fried shrimps. And all of these things come with fried french fries, if you want ‘em, but I don't recommend you to want ‘em because they're soggy and not very good. The only one of these I've tried is the fried shrimps, which were 8 bucks, I think. They were pretty impressive, all things considered. They actually use big juicy prawns, about 7 of them, and they are lightly – and I mean lightly – battered with genuine Cajun style batter stuff. I had truly been expecting some Sizzler style all-batter-half-bay-shrimp things, so it was a pleasant surprise to get the monsters they gave me. Only they smelled a little fishy. But I didn't get sick. All orders at Brothers-in-Laws Barbeques come with a side order and a bread. Your side order choices are: potato salad, beans, spaghetti or cole slaw. You can also pay extra for greens, if they have them, which a lot of the time they don't. I recommend the potato salad, especially if you mix in some of the barbeque sauce. I don't recommend the bread so much, either the wheat or the white bread, which are of a distinctly Wonderbread quality, probably because it's Wonderbread. In San Francisco, that's a hangin' offense. For desert, they have a bunch of pies and cakes wrapped in plastic. Never tried ‘em. Other Stuff Brothers-in-Laws in one of the only places in the entire city of San Francisco that has it's own free parking lot, which it shares with a head shop. So now you only have to worry about finding parking when you go home after a Brothers run. As for ambiance, the place has none. There are two small tables. The walls used to be covered with greasy posters and newspaper clipping. Now they're just covered with grease. In conclusion, Brothers-in-Laws Barbeque is great, which is to say, okay. If they have any shorts left. ======================================================== Brother-in-Law's BBQ No. 2 705 Divisadero St. San Francisco, CA 94117 (Divisadero @ Grove) phone: 415.931.7427  |
| Read all comments (20)|Write your own comment |
|
Ads by Google
|
