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It's Just You and Me, KidSep 02 '01 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line Being a single mother -- is it easy? Not at all. But there is strength to be found, if you look deep inside yourself.
I never thought I would have to imagine the trials and difficulties in being a single parent. It was something I had heard about, and thought how rough it must be. And then the inevitable occurred -- it happened to me. My divorce was finalized mid August, after 10 months of separation. I was then alone to raise my one and a half year old son, due to an abusive relationship. As if being a single mother was not enough, I also have to cope with the healing process and help my son through this difficult period. This brings me to the chosen topic - the challenges of being a single mother. As I soon found out, there are many difficulties to face and overcome. I think the first thing I was faced with was being the sole financial support system. This in itself is a very difficult issue, as many things come into play regarding finances. I knew I had to somehow afford day care, as I had no partner to rely on to watch my child while I was at work. The bills kept pouring in, and with a single paycheck that is always a worry. Housing and food are other big issues, along with the normal day to day items a small child needs. So, what's my advice regarding financial strain? First off, I would suggest a budget. This will help you see where the money is going, and how much needs to go where. Also, whatever costs can be cut need to be relinquished. This is not easy to do, as many people are used to the lifestyle they had before the divorce. Watching the ads and saving coupons are effective tools to help in cutting costs. Put a little away in a savings account each week, if possible. Even a dollar or two can add up in the long run. Try to down size your budget. This may mean eating at home instead of going out, renting a movie instead of going to the theater, or buying items on sale instead of purchasing them at full price. Even such things as cable TV are not as much of a necessity as you once may have thought. The next barrier to overcome is realizing that you are the sole disciplinarian. When you are a single mother, your child's safety, well being, and discipline are your responsibility. You no longer have a spouse to fall back on when things get rough. My suggestion? Make sure the rules are straight forward and understandable. If the kid(s) know where they stand with you, there is less room for arguments. Stand your ground. Rules are rules, and they must be enforced regardless if it is a single or dual parented family. When at all possible, spend quality time with your child/children. This lets them know that there is still plenty of love in your heart for them, even though you must also lay down the law at times. I quickly found out on my journey of single motherhood, that you do not have much time alone. Although it may be difficult, you still need to find a few minutes each day to have some quiet time. This not only renews you, but it helps to give you a sense of who you are outside of the realm of motherhood. Find some relaxation after the kids have gone to bed or when they are napping. If the kids are old enough, you can simply explain that Mom needs some time to herself. Because of being a stay at home Mom, entering the job force and putting my child in day care was a big issue for me. Though I hated to do it, I knew it had to be done if my son and I were to survive. First off, expect some emotions to come out on your first day at the job. It is not easy, nor was it probably ever meant to be. Search around for a good day care that you will feel comfortable with, which may ease some of your worries while at work. Also, look for a job that provides a plan in case of sudden emergencies or a sick child. If possible, find a "family friendly" job that can accommodate both your work schedule and those sudden unavoidable occurrences due to having children. Search out a support group where others are feeling similar emotions or have undergone similar life changes. This can be truly beneficial in dealing not only with the job issue, but with other difficulties you may face as well. Loneliness. Need I say more? Once a marriage is over, a void occurs. Loneliness is something almost all divorce persons feel at one time or another. It is completely normal. Even though your children may be in the next room, the feeling of being lonely can still creep in. Surrounding yourself with friends and/or loved ones may help to ease this emotion. Keeping busy or enjoying a hobby may also help. Regardless of how you may feel, make sure not to isolate yourself. That will only increase the loneliness. Finding time to complete everything that needs to get done can also be a worry. Now, it is completely up to you, and you are the only one that has the duties of laundry, cooking, paying bills, and so on. If your children are old enough, assign chores. This will help you out with keeping up the house. Realize that you are only one person, and try not to overextend yourself. In the long run, this will only hurt you and your kids. Sometimes, we just have to sit back and realize that if something doesn't get done today, there is always tomorrow. As much as we'd like the laundry to do itself, it won't. In some situations, waiting until another day will not critically hurt anyone. Stress. I think that one word can speak for itself. If I were to sum up being a single mother, I think many things could fit into that one category. Try and control the stress, and not let the stress control you. It's not going to do anyone any good, especially yourself, to let stress completely break you down. Take a few minutes to get a hold of yourself, breath, and make a mental plan to get through the rest of the day. Through it all, make sure to be there emotionally and physically for your children. This is a tough time for them too, and they may not completely understand all that is going on. Talk to them about the situation, always be available to them, and most of all, make sure they know you love them. Even a couple of minutes a day, if it is truly quality time, will ensure their trust in you. Love yourself enough to take care of yourself. Single parenting is by no means easy, so make sure and eat, find some time for yourself, and get as much sleep as possible. These seemingly simple things can do wonders in keeping you going from day to day. Those that are single mothers are truly strong and wonderful women. Do not ever doubt yourself or your self-worth, because if you have gotten your family this far, you can surely take it another day at a time. Is it stressful at times? You bet it is. Are there difficulties and challenges? Of course there are. Is there a light leading you on towards the future? There sure is. Just look deep within yourself, and you will find the flame burning brightly leading you upon the path that you were meant to travel. If you are a single parent reading this, may God bless you and forever keep you folded in His loving arms. Have faith in knowing that you are not alone, and that there are others out there dealing with the same issues you are. May the road you travel be lighted with inner strength, love, and peace.  |
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