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They Say You Never Go Back!!!(WTHITCHF W/O)Sep 03 '01 Write an essay on this topic.The Bottom Line This web site is very unhelpful when it comes to advice on matters concerning the nappy and whiskey. Warning: The following editorial contains material that although not vulgar, is a little off color. If you are easily offended by anatomical subject matter, please do not read this. I will not be butt hurt about it, and hold it against you. You have been warned, so now back to our regular programming. My entry for the "What The Hell Is This Category Here For" write-off hosted by Mattels. Dear Mr.Epinions President Nirav, I am writing to voice my disappointment with Epinions.com. I am starting to find this web site most unhelpful. I came to this section looking for some good advice, and found nothing here. You see, there is this very good looking lady of African-American descent that works at the doughnut shop down the street. I am thinking of asking her out, and came to Epinions to get some helpful advice. I had to think hard as to where to find advice on this matter. Then it hit me that "Gourmet" was the most fitting section, as some people do....well, you know. I was very excited to see this category "What Should You Know About Black Bush", and was utterly delighted. I thought I'd get to see some very erotic reviews. All kinds of crazy little fantasies started waltzing through my brain. So I clicked the subject link, and while my slow as hell computer loaded the next page, I readied myself for all those reviews that would be there. Wrong! Nothing here! Nobody knows a damn thing about black bush! I am ashamed to think that there is such a lack of diversity among the Epinions community. Oh, by the way Mr.Nirav, you need to add some new categories. After being disappointed here, I figured I could make some very helpful contributions for some other categories. I was again disappointed. I looked all over for Latin Bush to add some helpful advice, but couldn't find it. Then I went searching to tell my knowledge of Asian bush, and again nothing. So I figured that surely white bush would be listed, but again nothing. Can you please, please, please add these categories too? There are many members besides myself that would love to contribute to these categories. I am sure it would also tremendously boost non-member hits to this web-site. We could put links in Yahoo chatrooms and other such places to read these editorials. Hell, I think we could even CHARGE THEM for the oppurtunity to read these most helpful reviews. It just might save Epinions! Oh, and did I tell you? After not finding anything here on black bush, I went searching through the internet. That was also very unhelpful. All I found were web sites that talked about a company called "Bushmills". They make this whiskey called "Black Bush Special Irish Whiskey". If you like whiskey you should try it out some time. I bought some this morning for 20 bucks at the liquor store next to the doughnut shop. The only other whiskey I had tried before was Jack Daniels Old No.7, and that tasted like turpentine. So after I brought the little brown bag with the precious cargo inside the house, I went and grabbed my shot glass. It had only carried cognac and tequila before, so it seemed like a good idea to put a little whiskey in its' mouth, then into mine. The little shot glass spat the whiskey in my mouth, and my mouth spat it at the computer monitor. Now my computer monitor smells like Conan O'Brien. It didn't taste like turpentine though, it was more like kerosene. I just don't like whiskey for some reason. I don't know why. But if you like whiskey, here is some of what I learned. Black Bush Special Irish Whiskey is aged eleven years in sherry soaked oak casks. I guess that's supposed to sound impressive. It has the color of urine, and smells sort of like ethanol gasoline. At this web site I found, these people say they can taste all these different fruits and nuts in it, and various types of wood. Why you would want a drink that tastes like wood is beyond me. I'll stick with beer and wine with the occasional tequila shot thrown in. Anyways, here's the URL to where I found some of that information. http://www.bushmills.com/blackbush.htm "Old Bushmills" distillery is located in County Antrim, Ireland. I really suggest you grab a bottle so you can drink yourself sick when you lose your job at Epinions. Just be careful, and don't pull a John Bonham. You should also think of giving 4-1-1 some titles too. He abuses his body everyday with this kind of stuff, just to give your site some great reviews. You should reward him for that! Shame on you for taking his hats away! Mr.Nirav, I almost forgot to tell you I am taking part in a write-off today. It's called "What The Hell Is This Category Here For?" It's being hosted by this cool guy from Sydney,Australia who goes by the Epinions I.D. "Mattels". There are some really good writers that are participating too! Here's a list of them: Dantesguide BigMatt Kris-Kochanski Teddiec Biggs219 Jsallen mattygroves Priyatha arielssong Vormancian Mnehr repulsemonkey deaser26 emptywishes sumo_rhino thom413 matt_harney Mattels (host) Pretty good list, eh Mr.Nirav? I can't wait to see what they all put out. Speaking of putting out, I should just about wrap this up. I need to see if I can find that much needed information on black bush. Not that the color really matters, isn't everyone pink on the inside and all our blood red? I probably should ask that lovely young lady out tomorrow when I go get my coffee and doughnuts in the morning. I hope she doesn't say no. I also have to hope my girlfriend doesn't find out. She's Native American, and can really help me out when I do my editorial on red bush. Well, gotta go Mr.Nirav. I'll be writing you again soon for my Epinions money. Take care, and God bless:) Your humble contributor, dantesguide P.S. You really should think of adding a category called "What should you know about Black Bush Special Irish Whiskey". I'm sure it would get some contributions.  |
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